You are viewing the most recent 10 rage fits I've had.

21st April 2007

73th fit of rage
- 8:49pm: Oh-em-gee! An update!

I know it's been over two years since I last updated. My guilty.
Lots of things have happened to me in these past (counting with fingers)... 790 days or so, and I won't get into detail about that.

Some old friends are no longer around, some new friends are. Some very close relatives are no longer in this world; others fortunately remain by my side.

I live in a new place, I have two beautiful cats, and I still write now and then. =]

I will try to clean up this journal's layout because it's very cluttered with scripts that no longer work. I doubt I will be updating a whole lot here, but this journal has been, for a long-long time, more private than my other public places; for that reason, I don't plan to delete it.

It's good to be dead again.
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Bauhaus - In fear of fear

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17th February 2005

72th fit of rage
- 3:19pm: I'll be back...

Long time no update!
I don't think I should excuse myself for sparing you all of my regrettable presence, however, because I'm such a bitch, I still will.

My life hasn't changed that much in several aspects, but it took a 180° turn in others.
I hope to update this journal on a more frequent basis from now on. I think some people who knew me from... er... a past life... are more acquainted with my DJ than they are with my LJ. The thing I like about this place is that it prompts me to be an absolute jerk without feeling guilty about it.

I can bitch about fandoms, fans in general, and oh-so-many things here! teh-yay. I can also curse at micro$oft and advocate for my beloved GNU/Linux... (Ah... the joys of free, open source software!) And all in all, nobody will be terribly mad because... who's reading this blog anyway? huh? I thought so. ^_~

As soon as I can I will post an elaborate article (hahaha) explaining why I think certain lyricists should learn when it's time to shut up and what subjects they should stick up to. I'll also bawl and point my finger, I'll be a complete brat!
Aren't you glad?
(crickets in the otherwise solitary background)
I am. =P
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: no music at the time being

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27th May 2004

71th fit of rage
- 11:17am:
I have a fan-fiction website where I keep the stories I have written.
Most of them are JRock fan-fiction stories, and they are about different bands and artists.
The site is "Arachnoid Web" the url is http://arachnoid.reverie-noire.com/ and it's back online after I solved a big ordeal with my former host (who decided to die on me).
I don't know if anyone here has been following any of the stories I've been writing over... er... some long time(like "Working the Streets", "Offer and Demand", "L'Amour Fou", etc.). It'd surprise me if anyone here had, because for one reason or another, I've never managed to post any stories here... but, just in case (amazing things happen sometimes), all the stories are back in the site and the site is back online. ^-^
Current Mood: tired

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3rd January 2004

70th fit of rage
- 10:10pm: ake ome

akemashite omedetou. I think.
I don't want to say much... only that I found this test and I took it just for the sake of it.
( Read more... )
Hmmm... well, whatever.
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Buck-Tick - Dress

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8th September 2003

68th fit of rage
- 8:16pm: googlisms

Ah... deadjournal updating, so my journal looks funny.
Wait, it already looked funny before... =_=

To some extent I wish I could volunteer and help, but I know I can do nothing right and I probably would be more of a problem than a help.

OK. Finally got myself to do some of these googlisms... I'm sure everybody knows googlisms by now, but hey, I'm lazy when it comes to catching up. (I'm lazy. period.)
So... in case you wanna do the same kind of shit, go to Googlism and do it. Here are my (commented) results.

( Googlism for: michelle )
Nya~~~ whatever.
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: S.O.A.P. Tsumi no nagame

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15th August 2003

67th fit of rage
- 4:12am: Antiquity...

I went to the antiques shop today (again). I realize I am a moron. Not that it takes an antiques shop to infuse me with such an otherworldy knowledge, mind you, but the succession of failures in getting what I want have made me conclude (or reinforce the idea) that I am a complete asshole.
>_<
I lost that tea set... the one I wanted. It had such a low price! All because I thought I'd look around and see if there was something else, then when I returned... bang. Tea-set gone. >_<
OK. Don't roll your eyes... I know one shouldn't even twitch at such a trivial insignificance.
BUT I WANTED THE TEA-SET!!

u_u
Bought some German novels, a couple incomplete tea-sets that weren't half as pretty as the one I lost (which was complete, by the way) and I almost got into a heated argument with an ugly fat lady from... dunno where (her accent made me think she was from uh... Paraguay or Bolivia, but I really don't know) who was bumping her big fat ass against my basket full of porcelain stuff. >_< Her daughter was really nice, but she WASN'T. She was kinda desperate to buy a set of dishes that looked so cheap, I dunno why she even bothered. The ends were all chipped, and I saw some cracks along the dishes... Oh, well. Her problem, not mine. My incomplete tea-sets are all pristine. (though incomplete)
The fat lady's daughter was a dearie, though. So sweet. She was in love with a pretty vase that had some roses painted on it. The vase was pretty, but the base was chipped. She wanted to buy it (the price was very low! She should have!) but her mother said no because they couldn't carry it. >_<
Poor thing. She was so disappointed to leave the vase back on its stand. I could so~~ feel her pain.
Tomorrow is probably the last day of the sale. T_T Most everything is gone.
Shit... I wish I had enough room in this small condo to buy the $600 piano they have on sale. It's like... gorgeous. *_*
Of course I'd get in a huge debt to buy that piano, and then I'd had to spend some more to move it into my place, let it set, fix the keys, let it set, tune it, let it set and re-tune it... and just then I'd be able to play it. *le sigh*

That reminds me of the story I read about a guy who died for a piano.
His friends killed him. Chilling.
His tombstone read "killed by his friends". How horrible. I should stop reading these books about the stories behind graveyards, but I can't.

Sa... Now I have several new German novels to read. *goes for Wörterbuch* Me is happy about that. ^^

Oh! Almost forgot. Like the new layout? This is Kaine. The art probably reminds you of Angel Sanctuary, and that's because Kaine was also drawn by Kaori Yuki.
I'd had this layout sitting in my HD for months, and I thought it was time for a change. =P

will go to sleep... now..............
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Echo and the Bunnymen - Lips like sugar

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6th August 2003

65th fit of rage
- 10:19am: I am JRock!?

80jrock

You certainly are Jrock.

J-rock quiz - Are you Jrock?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hahahaha!

So, Opera doesn't support my JP IME.
Oh, well...
I might get a new compy for myself soon, and I'm planning on buying myself cable-modem too.
=P
I'll also buy a domain for myself, my writings, my Sakura site, my visuality site and a long line of etc.
(yeah, keep dreaming...)

Yesterday I went to bed at 4:30 AM. I got up 2 hours later to go to work. Now I am supposedly working. XDDD
I had the cheesiest ideas for my fic "Offer and Demand" (go look in my site!) But somehow, I don't know why, I always end up turning to the melodramatic.
Yesterday I took a while after I returned home. I took a while to sit and watch the rain relentlessly pouring down. The wind blew and shook it violently, as if somebody was shaking a gossamer piece of fabric. It was a nice view. I love rainy days.
And I just sat there and watched while I smoked a cigarette. My course of thoughts was somewhat erratic... and it occurred to me that I'm more frightened of being liked than of being hated.
Being liked takes a lot of work. I know I'll have to do a lot to keep those who like me liking me, whereas, I don't need to do anything but be myself to be hated.
Being hated is easy. It takes no sweat. It's even comfortable, because you can smirk in the dark while others throw a tantrum.
I know I needn't work to be hated. That feels cozy. Sounds comfortable... I can live with it.

OK. I've written enough considering all my previous entries for about a month were locked. =P

Go read 'Androgyny' and 'Offer and Demand' and tell me what you think about those ficcies.

ps: Don't you hate it when people write fics where somebody kills himself because he didn't get a date for a prom ball? X_x
Gee... if anyone needs a list of reasons to commit suicide, just let me know. I can give you like... at least a million of those.
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: S.O.A.P. ~ Tsumi no nagame

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64th fit of rage
- 1:44am: People are strange

People are strange...

And not just when you are a stranger.
I'm always amazed at certain people. I feel, somehow, that there is an endless array of surprises they can pull out behind their perfect-doll faces.
However, this is not an agreeable thing.

In most cases, people surprise me not because of what they do or say, but rather, because of the extent to which they push their paranoia.

I'm marveled at those who put themselves in the rather comfortable position of judges. And mainly those who put themselves in the rather comfortable position of hidden judges, assuming those they judge will never be able to refute their veredict.

Maybe it's a wise attitude, since it is very likely that those they judge will one day be part of the jury that condemns the very judges.

Maybe they know, when it's time to generalize a dim-witted based hatred towards the rest of humanity, they won't be exempt of falling in that which they criticize.

It is sadly wonderful how some people feel they have enough power and knowledge to assume everyone around them are idiots... except, of course, themselves. Absolute owners of a truth they acquired while it was a perfect offer on sale. 50% off, and of which, apparently, they hold ownership titles.

It's sadly wonderful how these people aim their accusing finger towards a generalized humanity, shoving into the same infamous bag the fair and the sinner; and wanting to look smarter, wiser, more mature...
This is exactly the very critic they make to others (ie: the rest of us)

Unable to say what they think publicly, in fear of destroying the fake and immaculate facade of imperturbable perfect porcelain, they hide behind a blue partition of impunity to pour down venom on those they believe will never know of their activities.
In this way, they protect their smiling mask of nice, civilized people; wise beyond human limitations, correct, serious, who never abandon themselves to banal chatter, because, yes, they are beyond that... they are too smart, too perfect. They are no longer human?

I like to sit and watch, in a rainy day, through my little window to the world. And see the unending stupidity of those who believe they are above human kind.

Those who, having interpreted as they wish the words others have said, they decide to yell at them in secret, and falsely correct their path of evil by illuminating them with a sparkle of their eternal wisdom.

And it's a pity, maybe, that in most of these cases, they haven't even understood what those inferior beings that I'll dictatorially call "humans" were talking about. Because their superiority sets them apart from that status, and prevents them to realize how those who were left behind in that imaginary evolution race in which they figure they have succeded, function.

"I hate those who hate" "I criticize those who criticize" "I discriminate those who discriminate" "I annoy those who annoy" "I ignore those who ignore" I wonder how that sets you apart from your targeted inferior beings. You are doing the same thing you despise. But your superiority probably prevents you from seeing it. Maybe that's your motto.

There are all kinds of things in God's vineyard... my grandma used to say. and I believe her, with her worn out 92 years of beaten-up wisdom. Because she also used to say the devil knows through being the devil, but he knows more through being old.

Newbies don't annoy be. Those who speak without information do annoy me. Those who immitate based on a passatist fashion trend do annoy me. Those who try to squeeze in a world they don't understand before even trying to understand it, but even so they feel they are in their right to describe it and judge it... those bust my imaginary balls.
But I don't hate them. I wouldn't waste good ammo on them. There are better suited things to hate.

But yes, I do hate those who sit on their comfortable throne, pouring down their supposed wisdom on the ignorant world, like a waterfall of intelectual diarrhea.

Ah... humanity is so rotten... humans are so miserable... you say.
It's hilarious.
Like you have been cut apart from the very thing you rant against.

Those who speak about mercy and tolerance, when they are the first ones to raise their voice imparting a fake wisdom that is oblivious to those two concepts.
They speak about letting others be happy their way, when they are the first ones to censor and whip others for their mistakes.

They speak about sex... when they have never had it.
They speak about being normal... when, by all means, they don't remember what normal stands for.
They speak about the others... but they never dare to tell them to their face. One on one, and discuss their feuds like the brave people they claim to be, but obviously aren't.
And it is their shallow concept of humanity to what they are firmly adhered, even if they deny it, it's etched in their essence.

Maybe their words only go to show their desire of going beyond it. To escape their miserable situation of being human and feeling above it. The humanity they bawl about sinks them down in its swamp of quicksand, dragging them into its belly. All they can do is hate it. Because they are a so irreversibly bonded to it.

Hating those who hate... doesn't mean I'm in their same situation? Doesn't it mean I should be judged by the same rule I'm judging others?
If everyone should be happy their way, and not be told they are wrong... Shouldn't serial killers be left in peace?
Something sounds falacious in the eternally wise speech...

Or I suppose an excess in wisdom prevents them from realizing they are nobody to judge others either. If others can't judge, so can't they.
And I wonder... Why are you judging them then, you overly smart wise-person?

It's only human to form groups in order to survive. I suppose it's in vain to try to explain this to someone who, in their mind, supposes they are beyond the rest of us.

Those who want to drag you into their groups are just as annoying as those who want to kick you out of them, ne?
But the most annoying ones are those who, making an imperturbable wise face, carry on a hidden agenda of hatred and biasedness, spilling a supposed wisdom tinted of hatred, rancour, ignorance and prejudice, that they choose to call "the truth".

If your truth is certain, I prefer, by all means, to live in my lie.
Because your perfect truth is less certain than my falacious lie.

And my lie is, at least, human.
Your truth, my dear... is nothing but imagination.
A twisted illusion that comes up like fireworks, only to die shortly after.

And yes. You guessed right. I am talking to you. YOU.
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: People are strange - The Doors

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2nd February 2003

1th fit of rage
- 12:16am: Taste of Love

その美しくも細くしなやかな指
やさしくなめらかな動きはまるで蝶のよう

たとえばあなたの目が見えなくなれば
私が目となり一生そばに居られるのに。

その匂いはせつなく郷愁を呼び起こし。。。
ああ。。。ヘビをおもわすの肌に触れて。

あなたの罪なら私が罰を受けよう
だれかを殺めてほしければ殺めよう
あなたがもしもナイフを差し出せば
私は惜し気なく血を流すだろう

悲しみより深くすべての命より
愛している
その肌を観じ眠れたならどんなに。。。どんなに。。。

You treat me like a dog

That was the first L'Arc en ciel lyric I translated in my life. And this happened so long ago, years ago... and it still gets nostalgic to remember that.
It's also one of my favorite lyrics. A love so twisted, in which the submitted person will endure any punishment, any humiliation, even death, if that is what it takes to be with the one he/she loves. The bottom line... "Yes, you treat me badly... but I love you so much that I'll endure it."
It's tragic, beautiful and sad... Most stories like this don't have a happy ending.

Unfortunately, L'Arc~en~Ciel deviated largely from their previous artistic course.

So... the trip.
The car was giving us a nightmare all the time, I'm typing the whole memories of that journey that was supposed to lift my spirits but it didn't.

Anyway... I'm feeling kinda better now...
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: TV

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1st February 2003

2th fit of rage
- 2:02pm: Generic trip come-back

I'll tell you everything about this trip... but later.
Current Mood: artistic

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