|
|
Saturday, January 10th, 2004
| |
9:36 pm - Life of the Working Girl
|
I promised Mwi days ago I would write to help ease her boredom temporarily, and I wrote a fabulous update, and of course deleted it somehow and couldn't bring myself to type it all over again, so here I am days later, *finally* updating after 6, 7?, months. Oye.
Too tired to type everything I typed the other day, but I can do a quick overview.
I have a car now, a true NH POS. But it's brought me to work for months, and it brought me to and from Buhdey's safely, so we have a bond now. I'm looking into financing a new car sometime soon, since I'll actually be able to afford one (kinda) now. Actually, Spanks just got a new Ford Focus, it's really cute, and this guy down at the Manch-vegas dealership got him really good financing. He even drove all the way up here just to deliver some papers for my bro to sign for an even lower rate. Good stuff, so I plan to go to him too and see what I can get. I hope I hope!
I'm still working a lot, though I've gotten a little break recently. I attempted to give my notice at Fashion Bug, long story, but a couple of my Asst Managers were treating me like crap, and they were working me to the bone on top of it, so I tried to quit. On my next shift though, my Store Manager was there, and she thanked me for my note (yes, I'm too chicken to say it in person, but I wrote a very professional note...she wasn't there that day anyway, so it really was the most convenient way to let her know) and she asked if I would stay on for just Sundays from 10:30 - 2p every other week. That pretty much means she's letting me stay on so I can keep my discount since I'll still technically be on payroll, and I'll still be eligible for raises and all that. It's more of a favor to me than an actual help for her, so I accepted, and I appreciate it.
As for home, we're all still here in Concord, now looking at a new house rather than the planned renovations. It makes more sense to just sell it and move somewhere we all like already, rather than for them to spend all the money on renovating, which would have been a big pain in the ass anyway. I'm excited about it. My cubicle is becoming extremely suffocating, not to mention the lack of privacy and the extreme draft, I'd love to have a real room.
My holidays were good, I hope everybody I haven't talked to had happy holidays too. I was mostly with Dan's family, or visiting with my friends in Manch. As I mentioned before, my Pile and I went down to CT to visit Buhdey for New Year's, which was of course good times, and still made me miss everybody even more.
I'm not going to be going back to CNR for spring either unfortunately, and I am of course disappointed, but I'm still working, and I don't know when, but I'll be back. I'm still saving, and I'm going to keep working full time and save through summer, when I'm planning to take classes at UNHM to make up for this semester, so that I can hopefully go back for senior year. As it is right now, if I went back for Spring, then I would have to do the payment plan, and therefore continue working 40 hours a week - somewhere - which I know would catch up to me and eventually affect my grades and almost definitely my sanity. So, I figure, it's smarter for me to just keep saving so that I can actually go back comfortably and maintain sanity (though I'll still be missing you all like crazy).
As usual, I ended up writing much more than a quick little something. I have no promises as to when the next update will be, I'm sorry my journal can not compete with everybody else's, but I'm a busy girl folks. LOL.
Love you all. As always, take care, and have fun. Big >HUGS< to everybody.
~ Bob 'n stuff
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Pink...and the gentle hum of my - YES! - new sewing machine
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, June 30th, 2003
| |
11:32 pm - Return of the Car Laugh
|
I'm not good at this updating thing, but be glad it happens even this much, ok? Geez! The pressure!
ok, just kidding.
Honestly, I haven't been *busy* really, but I have been lonely, frustrated and somewhat depressed. I have applied at, literally, 19 places now, and of the few that even called me back, I've had four interviews, and the only place that's called me after that has been Storyland. Yes, I applied on a whim, just because, just in case, I just did. However, because I don't have a car right now, and even if I did, the commute wouldn't be worth what I'd be making, I can't even really take it. Frustrating, uhyeah! Still, there are a few prospects left, and I'm still going full ahead. More to come.
Mom caught something last week, and I caught it from her, and she recovered quickly, while I'm left with a hell of a phlegmy cough thing. I'm dealing, but several of you will be thrilled to hear that the car laugh is back with a vengeance. hehe. (>cough<)
Now, the car thing: The Durango, sadly, is no more. Not an accident or anything, but mom traded it and the Mazda in and got a new loaded Ford Taurus. I understand, because the Durango payments were high, and the Mazda wasn't going to last much longer, so it is better for her now, and hopefully things will get easier. However, this left us with one family car, and screwed my brother out of the Mazda he was banking on. Now, I was upset that she was going to just give him the car, when I've waited years for mine, and he's never done shit to deserve it, but that wasn't his doing, it was hers. So, I felt bad for him getting screwed the same way I did, but last Monday he cleaned out his savings account and bought a crappy little sports car from a guy in Manchester that he plans to fix up once he learns how to. Yay for Spanky. I really don't have anything now though, and I miss my Beast dearly. Once I get a job though, all will be well; I'll finally get my own car, and then can hopefully get a better job, and I can breathe.
Ok, all of that is out now...
I'm going to Buhdey's for fourth of July! Yay! I was so upset thinking that I wouldn't be able to go after all, and we talked today and I'm actually going! :D Turns out Annie's coming up here for a party on the third, and going back home Friday morning, so she offered to bring me down too! Mini-road trip with Annie, and then a Grabek family shin-dig! Things are looking up.
Oh, how I miss you all. I've hardly talked to anyone so far this summer, due mainly to the lonely-depression thing (strange how that works...) but today I talked to Schmeg *and* Buhdey & Annie. It's great!
Big >hugs< to all of you, in your respective corners of New England...ok, the Northeast (can't leave out Schmeggles)...or maybe we'll just say the East Coast (Peehee's gotta still be out there somewhere)...all of you.
See you on Friday Buhdey! And safe and happy fourth of July to everybody. Shalom!
...ok, I can't explain that one...must be Mwi or something (j/k!)... :D
>hugs
current mood:  determined
current music: Jewel ~ "Haunted"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
| |
4:08 pm - Boredom Falls
|
Checked out the cars at Concord Kia, they tried to upsell me from the Escort to a '01 Neon, but mom didn't like the way they operate, and we found out they're charging about $1000 over retail for those cars with those mileages, so they were a no go. However, unlike most things, she didn't ditch the idea completely, only said that she didn't want to go through that dealership. Now she's looking at other cars, and the best one right now is a '00 Contour, I think, loaded, but with 80,000 miles on it. I could almost care less at this point what I end up with, I'm just excited that it looks like I'm actually getting a car in the pretty near future.
The Kia place also didn't work out because I don't yet have proof of employment, though I could claim my last paycheck from CNR as my current employer. The HR woman at Target is still on vacation or whatever, so that's been put off for now. There's a new Staples opening up in the same plaza though, so I went up to the Concord one to apply, and they really like me. Only problem there is that I don't know when it opens, and I was hoping I'd be working by now. Sooner I get a job, sooner I get a car. Joy! >still crossing fingers<
Spanky's graduating in about 2 weeks, and I'm totally psyched. It's gonna be at the new Verizon Wireless Arena, the pride of Manchvegas, which is kind of a break from tradition, since it's been held at Arm's Park in front of the courthouse for*ever*, but I've never been inside yet, so it'll be kewl. And probably easier to see everybody, 'cause of the stadium seating. I'm just so proud of him. He's an asshole, yes, but also the kewlest little bro ever, and I'm excited.
I've gotten back in touch with Dave, my pseudo-best friend from high school, but it's mostly the same crap with him, and we've only hung out a couple times since I've been back. Otherwise, I've just been hanging out with Spanks and Rob. I took him to see the new "Matrix" for his birthday, since I couldn't afford anything really kewl, and Rob tagged along. He's come with me looking for cars and stuff too, since he knows what to look for and stuff.
Mom actually coughed up money for us to rent some DVDs the other night, and we got "The Transporter" and "Darkness Falls". "The Transporter" was actually really kewl, an action movie, but worth it (and enough hot -English-guys to keep me interested...rar!). "Darkness Falls" was pretty kewl too, and despite knowing it was just a movie, and being 20 years old, I did find myself going to sleep with the light on...just in case. I actually liked the story behind the movie better than the movie itself...all about the origins of the Tooth Fairy, and how she was actually an old Australian woman who was badly burned in a fire and could only go out at night to collect lost baby teeth. She was blamed for the disappearance of two kids and hanged to death, and the kids suddenly reappeared as soon as she was dead. She was innocent, but killed only out of suspicion and hate. I don't know if the story really is true, since it was an extra feature on the DVD, and could have just been made up for the movie, but I'd love to find out.
We also rented "The Ring" last week, which also scared me, and I made Phil stay up until 3 in the morning on a school night 'cause I was so scared. I love psychological thrillers. Oh, and I finally saw "8 Mile" too. RAR! I liked it, he's so hot. Now I like that whole rap at the end even more, since I know what he's talking about. He's a genius. How can he think and talk that fast? Crazy.
So, still job searching, finally car searching, and in between, bored out of my mind. Love you all. Get well soon Rinny. Good luck with jury duty Buhdey (pretend you're part of an extremist group or something, you'll be off the hook in no time! hehe). Maria, Maria...sheesh, lol. And I haven't heard from anybody else, but I love you guys too.
>hugs<
ps...has anybody tried the new Sprite Remix stuff? it's really good. Yum.
current mood:  awake
current music: Rob Zombie
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
| |
10:37 pm - Baby steps
|
Ok, so life really has kinda sucked since I got home. I've been bickering with my mom the entire time over the same stupid crap as always, because she really is a little off sometimes. Anyway, yesterday was the worst. We got in a big fight, and where I am usually more passive and just take it instead of yelling back, I actually spouted off a little bit, and said some actually cutting things, but they were true, and while I know they hurt her, and I felt like an asshole, I think they needed to be said.
I really am hurt that she's just giving Spanky the Mazda, not because I don't think he needs or deserves it, but because I think I do. I don't really want the 626 even, he does deserve it, and he'll need it to get to school, but I'm barely getting by without a car, and in the next year I'm really going to need one. Also, though I've only mentioned it to her in passing maybe twice since, a car was supposed to be my graduation present from HS. Still, I totally understood that that became impossible after the Scott incidents. However, now that she's pulling her crap together, she's been buying all sorts of new stuff, even planning on buying herself a new car and selling the Durango right out from under me, leaving me with no transportation and a "too bad".
I feel selfish, but overall hurt. I would buy my own car, and I've been planning to, but before I can even think about that I have to pay for school, which she is not helping me with at all. While this sucks, I again understand because she has other stuff to worry about. But the only way I can get a job and get to that job is if I have the Durango to use, and she wants me to stop using it and buy my own car. As above, and as I've explained to her, that is impossible if I want to go back to school, which means more to me right now than anything.
Ok, so, all of this came out yesterday, and she got hurt, and I got hurt, and I ran upstairs and she stayed downstairs, and we didn't talk until she called me this morning. She felt bad about the whole car deal and went online looking for really cheap cars for me. She can't afford much right now, but she talked to a guy up at Concord Kia, and he said they have a few decent cars for pretty cheap that might be perfect for me. I went up there to just look and see if there was anything I like, and ended up finding a '98 Ford Escort. It's automatic, silver, four door, and has AC, but that's pretty much it. Not even a cassette player, just a radio, heat, and AC, no power anything, but it's in good shape with no rust or anything, and it runs really well. It was weird driving a little car after driving nothing but the Durango for so long, but I got used to it really quickly. It gets about 30 miles to the gallon too.
Nothing's settled yet, but my credit is ok, and it looks like it might happen. My mom's coming with me and bringing one of the guys tomorrow to look at it (they do run a garage kinda after all). Even if I don't end up with this car in particular, I'm glad to know there is actually hope. I thought it would be impossible to get a decent car less than ten years old for less than a hundred a month, and I thought my credit was horrible. It turns out that I don't even need my mom to be a co-signer, so it really would be all mine, and it would actually be good for my credit!
I'm very excited. It looks like I might finally get my own car, my first car. Everything will be so much easier. I can drive to school instead of taking the train, I can get a real job off campus, even an intership--I'll just be mobile in general. Ah, freedom, I can nearly taste it. Not quite an apartment yet, but a step in the right direction. Yay! Wish me luck chicks.
In addition, I had my interview with Target today, and I just have to wait for the woman from HR to call me and let me know for sure, but I'm almost positive I got it. Not too excited about the red shirt and khahis thing--I don't look good in either--but it's a fun store, everybody I've met is nice, and it's brand new, and clean, and right there. Things are looking up. I'm sure the fights with mom aren't over, and I still have school to pay off, but these are big steps, and I'm hopeful.
Take care everyone. Love you, hope you're all happy and safe and enjoying your breaks.
>HUGS<
>crossing fingers<
Later
~ Bob
current mood:  accomplished
current music: "Fiddy" Cent : )~
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, May 20th, 2003
| |
5:32 pm - Taking Aim
|
Home, as usual, is hell. Good news though, I went job searching yesterday, applied at several places, and I have an interview tomorrow. There's been a lot of construction in Hooksett over the past year, since we're finally beginning to develop, and they just built a new shopping center near the movie theater. I thought it was only a Kohl's and a BJ's and stuff, but we actually have a TARGET! woohoo! And that's totally where I have my interview tomorrow! I'm not sure how much they pay or whatever, and I'm going to have to work as many hours as possible to make enough to stay in school, but it's the best job possible in Hooksett, and I love Target. I'm actually pretty excited. I've never worked retail, but I was not going back to the corporate world, even if I could pay school off in a couple paychecks. Abacus was hell. Yay Tar-jay. : )
Yeah, home sucks. All the more incentive for me to work my ass off so I can go back to school. After I pay them off, I need to work on saving for a car. Or at least an apartment. Not only am I barely surviving living at home, but I'm just realizing exactly how much crap I have. I need an apartment just for all my stuff. My room is absolutely packed with all my crap after moving back in; there's barely a path from my stairs to my bed. Of course, half, almost more, of the crap up there isn't even mine, but I still have a pretty large room, and a lot of crap.
Dan (the boyfriend with the brat child) is having a yard sale sometime probably the middle of June, and he's letting us sell a bunch of our stuff there too. Looking through my room, I realize how much stuff I kept because it has minor meaning, or because I thought I might be able to use it one day, or because I splurged one(hundred) too many times. I've finally reached the point that I don't need it all any more. I collected some crap just to collect it, even if it meant nothing to me. My teddy bears do, and my Barbies (bite me), but I have all sorts of things I kept just to have them. It was a good feeling to be able to mentally let go of all those things. This yard sale came at just the right time, so that now I can physically let go of them, and further fund my go-back-to-school-and-get-away-from-here endeavors--something that actually does mean something to me. I'm looking forward to it.
Well, I miss everybody. Being with my supposed family has made me realize how much my friends mean to me. Take care guys, have fun, hope I'll see you all soon. >muah<
~ Bob, et al.
ps...wish me luck tomorrow : )
current mood:  anxious
current music: Bon Jovi
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, May 13th, 2003
| |
4:24 pm - Now I'm Numb
|
Three of my four exams are over, finally. I am free until Thursday morning, though I have far too much that I have to cram into these hours. I have yet to think about packing, it's going to be horrible. I don't know how I accumulated so much this year, but I had actually packed really well for moving in. Now I don't know what to do with myself! I'll figure it out.
I've cuaght something, and I'm almost positive it's bronchitis again, but I'm just going to wait until I'm home to find out. To much to do and I'm ok with waiting. Whatever this is, though, has made me even more tired than I've been due to my very messed up sleeping schedule, consisting of whenever I can sneak in 15 minutes. I can't wait to get a decent night's sleep tonight. Ahh...sleep.
Schmam's already gone, and I missed her. Parents are loading cars outside, and even though most of my friends are staying until Thursday or Friday, it's still a little upsetting to see. Next year is destined to be very different, not necessarily a bad thing, but I still feel a little twinge knowing that a lot will change.
I am also very unsure about my summer plans, and I'm not quite comfortable with going home to no plan. Home is harsh, I gotta get working on that STAT. Maybe I'll just sell Avon all summer, there's definitely the potential to make a lot of money.
Motivation, motivation, what's my motivation? ...hmm...well, I pretty much will do everything in my power not to end up living in a VAN, down by the (Merrimack) RIVER! ...yup, that should work. I suddenly feel inspired to job hunt.
I'm leaving for home Friday afternoon. I'm slightly concerned about my mental state as of late, so I should be happy about this, but it's *my* home, so I'm actually a little more worried than happy. I do have things to look forward to though, Spanky's graduation, Jewel in concert, and visiting my friends. It won't be all bad. Overall, I feel a huge weight of uncertainty at this point, and I'll just have to wait until fate deals me something.
Happy trails everybody. Take the road less travelled. See you on the flip side. Bumblebeetuna. I need drugs.
>hugs<
~ BOB
current mood:  pensive
current music: Eve 6
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
| |
10:43 am - You're just like Noel!
|
Back from the holiday weekend, back to the stressors and craziness of college. But, I think I can deal. I had a blast at Sarah's, got great sleep, met her many family members and the famed Annie, all very kewl, and we even managed to cause minor chaos, so the weekend was a success. It was quite depressing to come back yesterday though. I too left many unfinished projects here, and coming back to the worry about getting them all done in such little time was not fun. I could feel the pit in my stomach growing the closer we came to campus. I worked out a plan and I just can't wait until everything is done so that this horrible feeling will go away.
I'm also a little nervous about PSI CHI Inductions. Not that I have to do anything in particular for it, but it's more just nervous excitement. I know the event itself will probably be boring, because this is CNR, and most events like this are, but I've been excited about it for so long, and it means a lot to me. I've worked hard to get into PSI CHI, and in the Psych World, this is a great asset. I think I'm also nervous because the next day we're holding elections for next years board, and while I know I've got pretty great chances for president, this time around we have to actually make speeches, which always make me sick-to-my-stomach nervous.
I have a lot to do today...putting my plan into effect, hoping to relieve this stress so I can move the fark on, since I have to think about finals and such soon. Therefore, I'm off. : )
>hugs<
Rosemarie Bob
current mood: anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, April 17th, 2003
| |
1:12 pm - "I'm so excited!"
|
Yeah, today has been absolutely insane, running around and around and around, but I'm very very excited because in less than 2 hours I will be leaving to go home with Buhdey for the weekend. I know it will be tons of fun, and her family sounds so fab, and my family is just strange as you all know, so I'm just looking forward to doing normal stuff for a few days. I also haven't gone home or anywhere all semester since I stayed here for Spring Break, so I am doubly happy to go away.
We're taking the train to New Haven, which should be an interesting, though short, trip. I've brought the Bible (Vogue), my teddy bear (one of many, duh), and a bag of Fruit Snacks and am therefore prepared for travel. It's bound to be a grand old time.
On top of it being Easter weekend, Buhdey's birthday is Monday! I already gave her one of her presents, completely corny and definitely from me, and I'd tell you what else I got her (also corny, but fully appropriate), but of course she'll then read this and know, and that would ruin everything, now wouldn't it?
wow I'm giddy...
Anyway, I also got anxious and gave Rinny her birthday present early (late?...These unbirthdays are messing with my head). It's a bubble set with a wand attached to a plastic duck bill...I thought it was great, and even if her birthday were not even close, (which it kind of isn't...I dunno what's going on anymore) I would have had to get it for her.
Yeah, I'm excited.
...and I brought the bunny ears... >)~
>hugs
current mood:  excited
current music: Evanescence & the guy from 12 Stones...I like this song...
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
| |
10:22 am
|
I am so happy it snowed. I was worried about all of my friends who had gone home, but all have safely returned, and I am grateful. I went out and played Monday night, jumping into snow piles, and into the snow as high as the bushes. I laughed harder than ever, I believe. That was the most true, unadulterated fun I've had in so long. I love feeling like a kid again.
On Tuesday, I slept way in, waking up here and there, only to watch TV or read, and fall asleep again soon after. It was great. I haven't slept well in so long. I finally woke up around 1:30, finished my new book, and even cleaned and did some homework. I finished my laundry at 3:00 that morning, so I had fresh clean clothes to boot.
The Colored Museum is opening on Thursday. At the beginning of the week, no one really had their crap together, and it wasn't looking good, but as of last night, they have pulled themselves together and are really looking great. I am so sick of all the petty, pathetic drama that has gone on, and I am so proud of them for pulling it together. It is an excellent show, celebrating diversity, and Black History month, and the fact that all this drama has over shadowed that really pisses me off. I really do love theater, and can appreciate it in all its forms, whether I like it, or agree with it or not. I believe that this project is important, and I'm proud that I am a part of it, even if it is small. I am also equally excited about The Women. It is a good show, and the diversity of all of the people involved will make for a great show. I was worried about being involved, like so many other people, for reasons everyone knows but no one will admit to, but I want to be involved, and I love all the people involved. It too, will be a great show. I hope that people will go to the shows, and try to put their biases aside to look at the core of these projects, and at least appreciate the effort. Drama for the sake of drama is not worth it.
I am glad I've found mor time to read lately. I finished the book I just bought, Jemima J, and it was a good read, I very much identified with the character. She's kind of inspiring, I'm glad I bought it. I also borrowed Erin's copy of "The Notebook", which I am a little over half way through, and she was right, it is definitely a tear-jerker. I plan to finish it tonight. : ) Granted, I haven't yet thrown myself into a die-hard novel yet, but since I don't have the time I'd like to have to read some of the greats, I'm happy to at least be reading something again. I don't care if it's not War and Peace, some of the shortest, most straight-forward literature can often be the most uplifting.
I'm off to grab brunch before Chaucer, then to work, rehearsals, and homework. And I keep forgetting about it being a Monday schedule today! That means Dance Therapy at 4:50. Oye. I have a feeling this 2-day week may cause some chaos, but I like it. : )
>hugs
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
| |
11:34 am
|
Wind Whistler is intelligent and articulate, if a little reserved. She has a great thirst for knowledge, and devours books on sight. She seeks to understand the world about her, as she sometimes feels removed from her environment. It is a pity that the other ponies don't appreciate her hard work and accumulated knowledge as much as they should.
...I love when people find fun quizzies...Thanks Buhdey.
I am feeling a little wary about the rally, but I definitely still want to go. I trust in fate, and unless I have some horrible gut-wrenching feeling that I should definitely not go that morning, I want to be there, because I believe it is important. Something will be watching over us. I am chosing to turn off the radio, disregard the TV, and go the route of living in as much normalcy as possible for a couple days. The reports and rumors flying around are doing nothing but making me feel horrible, and even more anxious for the rally. I need a mental break. I need to be with my friends and live the life here that I love so much. I don't know that anything "they" say will actually happen, but I know that my worrying will not help anything, and will only hurt myself. It is important to know what is going on in the world, don't get me wrong, but my chosen ignorance is solely for self-preservation.
I love my gurls. I love this place. This is where I belong.
Peace, as Buhdey always states, we all need it.
>hugs
current mood: anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 10th, 2003
| |
8:25 am
|
I love telefile. I filed my taxes a few weeks ago using Telefile, which only took 10 minutes, and I already have my tax return. Yay. I was able to pay all my bills today, without only paying the minimum, which I try to never do. So much less to worry about. Phew. Now I also have plenty to go into the city on Saturday for the Peace Rally. I think I might actually be able to pay the school off relatively easily without having to give them every last dime, and without having to work my ass off all summer or go through the anxiety of not being able to register. Such a breath of relief. Oye.
I just looked outside and it's snowing again!!! Yay! I didn't even realize! It looks like a good snow too, joy! Spring will come soon enough, but until then, I *love* snow. I'm glad we didn't have a weak-ass winter again, it's supposed to snow in winter, and we may not get much more if global warming and all the other crap going on up there has its way. yay Snow! We may even get another snow day if we're lucky.
I had kind of a crappy day yesterday. I felt very awkward in myself, not very "on". I still don't feel quite right today, but the snow is making me happy, and I decided to skip my morning classes to get some much-needed sleep. I can't really explain how I feel usually, which makes writing here strange. I'm very self-aware, I can understand how I'm feeling, and I make sense to myself, but coming up with the right words just takes a fraction of extra time for some reason. I love to write, and when I am allowed to take my own time, I get into my own rhythm, and everything just flows, but speaking in class, and sometimes in normal conversation, I tend to be just a beat off. Not that I'm slow, but I second-guess myself about everything. My mind is racing so much faster than everything around me, and translated orally, I sound like an ass. It feels like I have too much to say, too much to chose from, so I usually end up sounding choppy or awkward, not making sense. It's so frustrating, when I know that I have very valid points, when I know that I know something, when I know that I could offer great insight, and I can't express it. I am very intelligent, but I sound so lame. ugh. Even now, I don't make sense on the screen, but my mind is three subjects ahead. It's not all the time, but I get so anxious sometimes, sheesh. Maybe all of that made even less sense than I do.
Little bits of stress are falling away consistently. My bills are paid, and I still have money. My books are ordered and paid for. I will be able to pay the school off with little more worry. I even have Schmeg's unbirthday present way early (for typically belated me). My lists of things to do and things to remember are getting shorter. Deep breath of relief. ahh.
>hugs
current mood: contemplative
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, February 7th, 2003
| |
10:46 am - Life On Other Planets
|
I'm listening to Supergrass on their website now. They sound really kewl, like really young Rolling Stones or something. Schmeg's listening at the same time, she said they kinda sound like the Beatles too. I like them. Rawk!
Just talked to my mom online too. She said my CDs should be here today. Joy! She burned me a copy of the Soup Dragons, they're so great. She also made me a copy of her new Yes "roundabout" CD, and some Doobie Brothers. Today *IS* a great day! : )
I'll probably update again in another hour, simply out of boredom and Antici...pation. : D
>hugs
current mood: cheerful
current music: Supergrass "Never Done Nothing Like That Before"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
9:53 am - DaDo Do Do Do DaDoDo Do Do Do Do! >strings, strings
|
Yeehaw! It's snowing and beautiful out, classes are cancelled, though I'm still at work, but all is quiet and peaceful. I'm only here until 1, then we're going to Conan! Yay!
I've been a little bummed out the past couple days, but, finally, today just feels right. It didn't quite feel right before this morning, almost like it was doomed or something, but I woke up to the thick fabulous snow, and a feeling that today really would be great.
Since no one's here, or going to be here, due to the snow, I get to use the computer, so, of course, I went directly to Conan's website to see who would be there today...It's Rachel Dratch from SNL!!! She's so great! I know Mwi would be happy to see her. They didn't have any other guests listed, but the musical guest is Supergrass. I've heard of them, but I can't think of any of their songs off the top of my head. I'll see if I can find stuff online, it'll give me something to do. Yay! I'm so glad it's not some weirdo guest I've never heard of. Joy!
Yup, I'm bored, and it's only 10. Perhaps i'll just stare out the window for a while. I love snow!
>hugs
current mood: energetic
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
| |
7:54 pm - Fickled Pink
|
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font [...] shirono</font>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]
<A HREF= "http://quizilla.com/users/Shirono/quizzes/The%20inner%20color%20quiz%20(Utena%20Images)" > <IMG SRC="http://homepage.mac.com/werkers/colorquiz/youarepink.jpg"> <P>You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.</P> <P>What inner color are you? </P></A> <P><FONT SIZE= "-1"Quiz by Shirono</FONT> </P> Interesting quizzie...Peehee can always be counted on : ) Oh so busy, as it seems EVERYONE is right now. Personally, I am involved in mulitiple clubs and organizations and general goings-on this semester, and have acquired four different, though related, jobs...on top of school and the like. But strangely, most people I know are similarly swamped. I'm glad to see so many people involved in so many things, and glad to know that so many share my lack of sleep and breathing time. I'm not complaining, because I very conciously chose to be involved in so many activities, it just feels like this burst of activity in the area came quite suddenly. I think I like it, but we'll see if I kick myself with exhaustion in a few weeks. Sarah Buhdey just taught me to crochet, which I've wanted to learn for a long time, and I've been doing almost nothing but in my free time since (Sunday night). It's not that I have nothing better to do or so much time on my hands that it's simply a pasttime, but I find the constant, consistent motion soothing. I stay up an hour later than planned to just sit and focus on stitch after stitch, and I don't mind because it's so calming. It's why I love all my random crafts. Occasionally I feel like a dork when I realize I look like a grandmother stitching away, but I like being able to create things, and I can't wait until I finish my cute fuzzy pastel scarf. I can't wait until I create my empire and all the strange crafts I create finally have a place in the world. Maybe I'm just in a weird mood. I feel like I have ADHD or something. I have way too much energy running through my veins, but my body is very tired and can't catch up, and I'm left with this weird shaky feeling, somewhere between being perpetually nervous, and overly giddy. I can't find any explaination in anything I've done lately or even my diet. I've had soda, but only Sprite, and it's already caffeine free. No idea, but I'm hoping it's only due to lack of sleep, which I may be able to take a bite out of this weekend. Oh, I hope so. Conan, I think, on Friday, then again to the city for miscellaneous stuff on Saturday. Blissful Sunday, the day of rest. I hope to sleep, and sleep. Off to tackle homework, yeah, I should do that. >hugs<
current mood: anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, January 25th, 2003
| |
10:37 pm - In the palace of my mind: to the left, the Library...
|
I am almost done packing, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. It helped that I don't have too much to actually pack that's not packed already, or simply needs to get thrown in a bag. I'm so glad I get to back. I could kiss Joan's feet. I'm going to be insanely busy, but very happy in being so.
Tonight I saw "City of Angels" on TBS and realized how much I love that movie. I've had the soundtrack since before it came out on video, and it's one of my favorite CDs. I listen to it when I'm studying, when I can't sleep, when I'm upset for any reason. It's the most simply sweet set of music, very calming and uplifting. I would love to sit in the dark and just listen to it right now, but I left it along with most of my CDs at school. My CD player at school is broken, and while I'm low on funds, I have enough to charge it, and seeing that I've been very good and haven't charged anything in months (not even Christmas!), I found a cheap but decent one at Kmart that I finally decided I'm going to get. I have to go out early tomorrow to get it since we're leaving around noon.
Before City of Angels came on, in my surfing, I found the soft porn "Red Shoe Diaries" on Showtime. It's usually crappy, and I wasn't in the mood, but then the guy the blond was screwing in the elevator turned around and it was Matt LeBlanc! Joey! Ahh! It was totally weird. He didn't show much, but it was still strange to see Joey doing porn. This is the show hosted by Dave Duchovny, which is actually based on a full length movie he was in. Yes, I've stooped to watching it, but it really was kind of awful. His show though always starts with him reading a letter sent to him under the pseudonym "Red Shoes" from different women detailing random sexual encounters that somehow changed who they are as a person and crap. I didn't watch this episode, but I watched the beginning featuring Joey. I don't know what happened to his character, but his name was Kyle, and he was some bicycle messenger or something. Mildly entertaining, slightly disturbing.
Such a weight has been lifted, I was so scared. I've never been ungrateful for the fact that I could go to CNR, but I'm even more grateful now, especially to the people that have helped me stay there. I've had so many reasons to lose all hope...my whole life; I was so afraid it was happening again. I've started from scratch...true, bottom of the ditch, single-celled-organism scratch...four times in ten years. Now that I've finally started to scratch the surface, I'm so glad it's not being taken away again. Phew.
I need a good book to read. I've read everything I own. I need to start reading like I used to. I used to absorb books. When I went for visitation with my dad before things got bad, he would take us out to dinner then to Barnes and Noble. Spanks would always beeline for the car books and "draw your own"-type books, and I read every read-worthy R. L Stine ('cause his books were so scary at 13), and the entire Christopher Pike vampire series. I'm pretty sure it was him. I get some of them confused. I read a few Stephen Kings, and a whole list of random authors. I think reading so much really did help me in school. It made me a better writer, it helped me understand everything better just by opening my mind. I haven't read nearly as much since I got into college, which doesn't quite make sense. Richelle let me borrow her "Hannibal" recently, which I ate up in three days, whenever I had the time, and Schmeg gave me a much lighter book called "Confessions of a Shopaholic" (she said it reminded her of me...thanks Schmeg : )~ ), which only took me two days during finals week. I forgot how much I loved to read. I might actually use the library this semester. I definitely can't afford to buy books. Anybody recommend any really good reads?
>hugs<
PS...weird, I just turned on TMC and "Silence of the Lambs" is on...I should read it too I suppose. "Hannibal" was WAY better than the movie.
current mood: grateful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
| |
2:51 am - The lovers, the dreamers, and Me.
|
I just got an email from my ex-WNEC-roomie that she may not be able to come up for the weekend like she was 'sposed to 'cause she just quit her job and is lacking the funds. : ( This makes me sad, I miss all my friends in general, and we were gonna do all sorts of fun stuff this weekend, so I'm pretty bummed, but I'm hoping she may find a way to at least get here, and I don't mind springing for crap to do, it's just boring being alone in East Bumfark. I miss my fwends. : ( It's not easy being green.
My mom brought a bunch of my jewelry and random crafty crap to her manicurist and family friend Janine who just opened her own solo salon. She and her daughter loved all my stuff and have already placed "orders" for bags and skirts...which I may be able to actually get done before summer thanks to Sawah letting me use her machine (thanks buhdey). Janine also said that if I can crank out enough stuff and create some sort of display and packaging for all of it she'd sell it for me in her salon! My mom's all excited, which is good for me, because I can't really afford to buy all the crap I would need to do that, and she offered to fund me. It makes her feel like a good mother to support me doing this, and it gives her something to do. She's also kinda acting as my business manager because as most of you know, I have a problem charging for my crap, somewhat out of guilt, and also because it's hard for me to attach a price to my stuff since I know how much (or little in most cases) it actually costs to make the stuff. I know my time is supposed to be worth something too, but since it's fun for me, I can't put a value on it. I'm excited to actually sell some of my stuff for real. A little extra cash would be very much appreciated, and anything that gets my name out there, even if it's only single mothers and blue-haired ladies buying my stuff is another tiny step forward. Yay!
I am having ongoing issues with the bursar and financial aid. Right before break they informed me of a huge "mix-up" that had occured and claimed I owed a gillion dollars after they had told me I was all set and had long since cleared me for registration. It turns out, they way overestimated my mom's income, and even though she has all the proof of their mistake, they now have to take it up for review, because even though they've admitted it was their mistake, they can't do anything about it. Now, again, there stands a chance that I may not be able to come back, but since it happened before break, and I found out about it while at work, Joan Bristol is getting involved and doing her best to make sure I can come back. I'm trying to think of my not going back as the very last resort and keeping my hopes very high because I don't think I could handle it happening again. As messed up a place as CNR can be, I've been to three other schools, and it's the only place I've ever been happy. I'm gonna stop talking about it now...
My mom's boyfriend's mother is a really nice woman despite her stuck-in-college-frat-boy son, and she and her sister hold a corny craft night with a couple friends and little kids on Thursday nights. When my mom told her about some of the stuff I do (I don't know how I came up in conversation), she asked if I wouldn't mind coming in and helping them make some jewelry or something one night. She hasn't been feeling well for a couple days, but in hopes that she feels better by tomorrow, I'm going up there to help do crafts. A Craft night is a little bit corny, even for me, but I get to hang with little kids, and I figure if I show up, help them put pony beads on string, and it makes my mom happy, it's something to do. Additionally, she's giving me money to go out and buy whatever supplies I'll need and I get to keep the change and the leftovers. Always bonus. More stuff for me to make and sell later, only costing me a couple hours and a little bit more sanity.
I really hope Karen can come up this weekend, I'm very lonely now, but I'll just drag my brother places with me since that's what younger siblings are for. : )
>hugs<
PS...it's fARKing freezing up here--2 degrees last time I checked...I felt the need to note that.
current mood:  cold
current music: Pink "Family Portrait"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, January 3rd, 2003
| |
11:17 pm - Build-a-Bud
|
Yay! I got my Build-a-Bear, and had fun doing it. I was probably the only non-parent figure over 11 in the place, and I was the only person shopping alone, but it was fun. They still made me do the stupid dance to "bless" the little fabric heart that goes inside, but since I didn't know a single person there, I didn't feel *too* lame. Anywho, my bear is cute, I got a giggle soundbox inside, plus cute clothes and even little shoes. I made it a girl, because most of my bears are boys, or at least most of them are assumed to be boys, and I liked the girl clothes the best. : )
I also got some new clothes with my other gift certificates, like a gray cardy to go with my new dressy clothes, and another nice pair of pants that also go with it. I look so preppy in those outfits, it's funny.
I got an email from one of my best friends here, Pam. We hardly ever see each other because she goes to Northeastern, and they have really weird break schedules, and she stayed there last summer, but everytime we get together, we're right back to where we left off. I think everybody has one of those great friends. The real lifelong ones. Pam's great, I think we're gonna get together in Portsmouth next weekend. Yay~!
Also, my ex-roomie from WNEC emailed me, she's staying there over break, and she wants to come visit the weekend before we go back. I'm excited to see my friends. : ) Still miss my CNR girls though.
I wanna go see a movie this weekend. I don't know what's good though. Chicago looks pretty good, and it got Duckie's seal of approval, so maybe I'll see that. Or maybe I can get Spanks to pay for something, since I'm his poor broke college sister. I doubt he'd pay to see Chicago though. lol. Well, he could use a break from video games and racing movies. I 'spose I could go with my mom, or I'll just wait and go to a movie with Pam. Yay Pam.
Hope you all had a safe and fun New Year's. Love ya!
>hugs
current mood: cold
current music: Sid and Nancy on TMC
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, December 30th, 2002
| |
4:49 am - The Goods
|
Back from the obligatory weekend, and I think we all had a break through this year. My grandparents, or at least my grandmother (we call her Oma, german for grandma...oh yeah, I'm Norwegian AND German, I don't give the german side enough props, but whatever, germans are weird...) was so normal and grandmother-ish this weekend. Usually, as I said in the previous entry, everything is very stiff and proper, very cold. I've never felt the grandma and grandpa thing, where you could call them just to say hi, or just talk to them. They've never really felt like my *grandparents*, but just like my mom's parents, if that makes sense. They only live two hours away which really isn't that far in New England. Yet, despite making plans, or inviting them to events, they never seem to have the time (Papa is retired and Oma's never worked a day in her life...). The whole family was very strained. This year we actually talked like real people. Like she was my grandmother, like we were actually related. I stayed up with her until 4 in the morning talking long after my mother and everyone else had gone to bed. It was great! I don't know if it's because they've finally come to respect me, in a granddaughter-ly way. Now, when I'm twenty years old, they can talk to me, we can relate about things. I don't know what brought it about, I haven't seen them at all in a little over a year. Mom and Phil (Spanky, for those of you who still might not know his real name...sorry) have gone down a few times without me because I've been at school, once last semester and twice already this year. It was actually a nice weekend, and I actually felt a twinge when we pulled out of the driveway this afternoon. I hope it stays. It feels good.
Tomorrow (today...sheesh, I need to go to sleep) I am going shopping with the gift certificates I received for Christmas. I got *a lot* of clothes, mostly dressy ones, kewl pinstripe pants and stuff, since all I have are jeans. I want to get a cardigan to go with the gray pair I got. My mom also bought me a little white cube fridge, which was a surprise since she knew that I had planned to buy Danielle's larger one for only $50, but she felt bad, and since D has been weird lately, I don't really want to take hers anyway. Even though mine is smaller, it's cute, and plenty big enough for me, and it's mine, it's not a hand-me-down like almost everything else I have that I haven't bought myself. Spanks gave me an adorable Gund bear named Schatzi, I love him. He and Bob are getting along just swell. : ) I also got my yearly Barbie, and she's beautiful, and it's like a tradition now, so I love it. Screw you all you haters! I'm not ashamed. My Oma gave me a really nice pen and mechanical pencil set from Pierre Cardin, they're all classy and crap, plus a sweet fifty, which is very appreciated, I can finally start SAVING in my savings account. My aunt gave me a beautiful silver prayer box bracelet. I'm not really into the religion thing, but her giving it to me is very meaningful, and it doesn't matter what god/entity I pray to with it, it's still nice, and it means a lot to her. Finally, my mom gave me a belated present that she had forgotten up at work--a Build a Bear gift certificate! I've wanted one for so long. I've known about the company since long before they started opening stores up here, and it's been killing me now that they finally are in malls all over the place. It may be sort of lame that my favorite present is yet another stuffed animal, but I love them, and they make me happy in their adorable sweet, unconditional loving softness. I've never gone in to just buy one myself because I feel so lame buying it for myself. I think I'm going to go redeem it tomorrow with the rest of my shopping, I'm all excited.
This was a great Christmas. It was actually genuine. Real family, real caring, not just going through the motions. I'm glad to hear most of you guys have had good holidays. Be safe for New Year's too. Take care dudes.
>hugs
current mood: awake
current music: nothing but the hum of the computer...I'm off to bed...
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, December 27th, 2002
| |
7:57 am - Vacuum Lines?! Oh, yes.
|
Aahh...a random all-nighter for absolutely no reason, and suddenly the sun is bright, the foot+ of snow outside is twinkling, and no one is awake yet. Mom is at the boyfriend's for the night (and the day, since she freaking works with him...), and Spanks is off to work in an hour or so, and then I will have the whole day to myself.
Tonight we're off to the obligatory extended family get together at my Oma and Papa's house. It's not all that horrible except for the fact that my entire family is so uptight they should be crapping diamonds. We're talking pristine, white carpet, don't-touch-*anything*, methodically dusted, vacuum lines insanity!, mixed with we're-hiding-something politeness, never-ending backhanded compliments, and still polite trash talk about other family members over coffee and apple pie served on ancient break-it-and-be-disowned china. If you think I'm uptight, which I know I tend to be sometimes, my family is scary. The really frustrating part is that underneath all the thick facades, they're all pretty decent people, but they're all afraid of each other and of showing any real emotion. And I hate myself for continuing to go along with it despite the many times I've vowed to rebel. I'm a little nervous this time too since I haven't seen any of them since I started at CNR. I'm constantly compared to my blond-haired, blue-eyed second cousin Sarah, the beautiful one. She's trashed my great aunt's house as she was in the hospital dying, she's a drunk, and now anorexic (the latest coffee-chat gossip), and apparently ran off to live with her skeezy boyfriend, but continues to mooch of my other great aunt, her grandmother (the Martha-esque one). She's also a dumbass, living up to all the stereotypes of a dumb-blond rich girl from Connecticut. Despite my academic and extra-curricular performance, and the fact that I'm not a whore or otherwise deviant, I'm not as pretty or outgoing as Sarah (Princess, right?...far too fitting), so I'm usually ignored or at the most talked about only in the third person even at the same table.
I hate to sound so bitter, but this is the machine that fuels a large percent of my inner anger. Sadly, it also pushes me further to prove myself to all of them or, rather, to blow them away and leave them to kiss my ass when I'm the successful happy one. I have again vowed this year not to buy into it all, and to be myself at all costs. We'll see how it works out, but I am determined not to let them ruin the joy of the holidays which I love so much, or this perfect sunny morning.
current mood: pensive
current music: Haha! Looney Toons in Spanish! Wonderful! (Gee!)
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Monday, December 9th, 2002
| |
11:41 am - "I wish I was a little bit taller..."
|
I have a few free moments now, so I figured I'd update again since I haven't been very consistent in my updating, and I know it's left the masses wanting. ;) I also figure I read everyone else's journals as regularly as the rest of ya, and I get just as disappointed if no one's updated, so it's only fair...even if most of my entries are just meaningless dribble.
I am very amused, I must say, that I got a mention in Peehee's DJ, 'cept I have no damn idea what it means. LOL. Enjoy whatever it is, I'm sure I would appreciate it anyway. : )~
Hmm...well, I really don't have much to report. Um, last night I went to the Casino night thing, just to see what it was about, I got in for free since I know all the people who were working it. I won a lot of tokens, which was kewl, and I was hoping that with my odds, I might win *something*, but alas, I am still a loser. I would've even been happy with the Cheez-its. hehe
It's really sad that my life is so full of meaningless dribble as of late, that I actually have to search for meaningless dribble to dribble...
I think I successfully scared another overnight last night, but this time she might actually come back. She was pretty kewl dude. She'd fit in nicely with the rest of us crackheads. I love new recruits.
K, I'm really having a tough time coming up with this meaningless dribble, so I'm just going to dribble on to lunch, then to classes, and the rest of the dribble that fills my day until I actually have something to dribble. (has anyone picked up on the word of the day yet? I knew you could do it! I'm so proud.)
Ooh~ Peehee, it just hit me...could it be el hielo perhaps? Mwuahaha...if so, enjoy (woohoo!), I support that. If not, ya really stumped me, ya weirdo. LOL
>hugs
current mood:  amused
current music: CHIMICHANGA! CHIMICHANGA! CHIMICHANGA!!!
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|