| Switch | |||
| 08/23/2008 07:09 pm | |||
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http://aisforartx.livejournal.com/ |
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| (liberate) |
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| 02/17/2007 08:38 am | |||
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Probably entering a state of depression once again ... don't know who I'm warning here, no one reads this. It's one of those times where the people I love the most only love me a little. I'm sure I was born to be second choice. So everyone, feel free to put me aside for another, I'm used to it by now. Lovely. This is directed at more than one. I don't know what to do. See the first part of this. |
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| (liberate) |
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| & Lonelily I suppose | |||
| 12/22/2006 05:14 pm | |||
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I've always wanted to make a list of these. So forreal, these are songs I'll never get sick of for the rest of my life. They're not in order of importance. I'm not scene or cool at all I'm just nerdy. I tried to leave out ones that are on EVERYONE'S lists. Like Eric Clapton songs or Bon Jovi - Living On A Prayer. HAHA that's just boring. okay: Ani DiFranco - Falling Is Like This Ani Difranco - Raincheck Ani Difranco - Welcome To: Better Than Ezra - Get You In Better Than Ezra - Everything In 2's Bjork - Joga Bjork - Anchor Song (the live version!) Circa survive - Juturna Damien Rice - Cannonball Damien Rice - Older Chests The Distillers - Beat Your Heart Out The Distillers - Drain The Blood Eisley - Brightly Wound Flickerstick - Lift (With Love We Will Survive) Flickerstick - Execution By X-mas Lights Flickerstick - Direct Line To The Telepathic Foo Fighters - Best Of You Foo Fighters - Tiny Dancer (the live version!) Gregory And The Hawk - A Wish Gregory And The Hawk - The Bolder Thing To Do Heather Nova - Island Hootie & The Blowfish - Let It Breathe Hootie & The Blowfish - When I'm Lonely Iron & Wine - Sodom, South Georgia Iron & Wine - Jezebel Iron & Wine - In My Lady's House Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should've Come Over Jewel - What's Simple Is True Jewel - Foolish Games John Mayer - Why Georgia John Mayer - 3x5 John Mayer - Man On The Side John Mayer - Great Indoors Kevin Devine - Noose Dressed Like A Necklace Megan Slankard - Cup Of Joe Megan Slankard - I Hoped You Would Rocky Votolato - Blue & Grey Rocky Votolato - I'll Catch You The Sound Of Animals Fighting - Act II: All Is Ash Or The Light Shining Through Tegan & Sara - My Number Tegan & Sara - Days And Days Tool - Parabol --> Parabola (when there's no break) That was fun. NOT |
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| (liberate) |
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| 12/17/2006 08:36 pm | |||
| "Everything is fucked," she said, and I'd wished she hadn't said that. Someone I knew once, only shortly ago, used that phrase too. [Someone I shouldn't still be thinking about.] "Everything in this house is broken, broken, broken" and it crossed my mind to tell her, "That's what happens to objects, [to material things]," but I didn't. I remembered that it could happen to relationships, too, and after that, would've rather just let the subject die cold. There was no use for further discussion. | |||
| (liberate) |
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| 06/11/2006 11:17 pm | |||
| Why aren’t I sleeping. Normally, I think people claiming to be insomniacs and who say, “I never fall asleep before 1 o’clock”– are just saying that, because unfortunately, sleeping little has become such a trend. It may be because I slept all day. I had a migraine. Migraines are not trends in my life. Sadly, I missed a graduation party because of it. Or maybe that’s why I’m not sleeping– graduation. It’s tomorrow. At 10 AM I’ll be rehearsing, then I’ll have a few hours between 1 and 6 to rest up and/or get ready for the event, and then I do it, and then I’m loaded onto a bus to spend the last hours with my highschool class. And now sad songs are playing. I don’t really care that I’m graduating. I haven’t thought about it as good or negative, just as something I’ll be taking part in on Monday June 12. I guess it’s more sad than happy, and I’ll admit that it snuck up on me. But I still don’t want to waste time thinking about it. Everybody graduates high school. What’s the big deal? I’m not even friends with 70% of these people. I’ll be seeing them throughout the summer anyway. Summer ‘06. If it’s not good, I’ll blame my mom. | |||
| People have said so many things. | |||
| 04/04/2006 04:49 pm | |||
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I'm completely over(and disappointingly under-)whelmed by all that I should read. It's really all I have the desire to do lately, but I'm not rich enough to buy books and my unwillingness to take action is inhibiing. Artist are supposed to get inspired, and I do sometimes, but when it comes time to act, I stop. It makes me kind of hate myself. For that, at least. What a disgusting trait. Anyway, the whole deal is.. well I've read some Thoreau, some Emerson, Whitman.. but not enough to really absorb. So I log onto Amazon and read the reviews (I'm obsessive about doing things in order so I find each of their first published works) and as I read the reviews I either find myself less interested than I was when I began or get tired of reading (the reviews), barely or not at all skim the look-inside pages, and give up. I started because I want to get a horse painted for the Giddy-Up to Granby project, which are painted horses that'll be on display this summer around the town of Granby. I have three theme proposals, one of them being a very Sabrina W. Harrison inspired texty painting that includes collage (of course) and quotations of inspiring things that have been said/written throughout history and today. This should be EASY. People have said so many things! So I start a document (I have to write proposals to the town of Granby of all my ideas for themes) to give examples of the quotes. As of now I'm on number sixteen, and that disappoints me. Two are from pop culture, and nearly half from the first of SWH's books (I have yet to obtain three more). There are no Emerson or Thoreau, not as if they were the only philosiphical writers to ever exist but they've stamped our lives in some way or another (hopefully). So basically, I'm just mad. So I'll make another goal that I will not fulfill, I'll try to finish three notable books before the end of the school year (I'm a very slow reader and I highlight/write on everything I read, so three would be doing awesome). One will undoubtedly be The Unbearable Lightness of Being and as for the other two ... maybe the original Walden and something else. I also want to write something, anything, and refine it to some degree of completion. I love the ideology of being a writer because to me at least, it's very respectable. So that's the goal and I'll be 100% unsurprised if I never follow through. I'm pretty frustrated, but that's it for now. _________2 minutes later Check out this irony: I reluctanty googled for a quote, and I get: Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself. |
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| (liberate) |
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| And I swear I'm gonna cry I'm sick of trying to be tough | |||
| 03/09/2006 06:29 pm | |||
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Today I read a song lyric, it said "I guess it's mostly my fault, 'Cause if I'm the only girl you ever had I guess that I Can't be the best, I can't be the best" And I've heard it before, but normally I could agree with it and give myself some room for forgiveness and excusal, from the situation, I guess. But this time I heard it and I, wasn't so sure it was true anymore so it has an entirely new effect. And ... I'm not sure I like or dislike it, really, I don't even think I care. But the problem is that I should care, I think, and that it should make me feel like shit. It doesn't, I promise, and that's just a big ass reminder of the time I've wasted. Which is actually the only sad thing about it. I've wasted so much time. |
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| (liberate) |
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| From 26-2-06 + Yesterday | |||
| 03/05/2006 12:01 pm | |||
This is located in a curiously well-shaped rectangle on the back of some Civics homework that I was not doing at the time.How the simple things society and time have built for us to temporarily focus our attention on have been a bigger source for ignorance, when added together, than chain consumer stores and shopping malls and (maybe) Hollywood movies. Like, we've "progresed" to a point where seconds of our time which can and should otherwise be spent pondering important concepts and logic are wasted (this has to add up to years of our lives) taking care to rip a scored piece of notebook paper from its binding because our measures of "convenience" have grown to exceed what's [actually] practical. The time spent ripping notebook paper for the rest of your life, added together, may be the time [(or more significantly, a portion of the time)] it took you to cure AIDS. And the over-extension of that logic [example] was definitely necessary. Then, in another rectangle to the left, some examples: Looking for shoes, ripping the paper, writing slowly for neatness, putting on a belt for fashion, scrolling for the song on your computer/mp3, tying shoes, sealing envelopes, standardized tests, ironing, figuring out how to work any kind of machinery (washer of dishes/clothes), ... things meant to make our lives easier ... finding the section you want in the paper, turning the TV on for news and waiting, waiting for anything actually, DMV. Does that make sense to anyone but me? If I were a more motivated person, I'd re-write and style the whole thing into a heart palpitating essay that forces everyone to consider my questions. And existentialism. Haha! Also, as of yesterday I recieved Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself by Sabrina Ward Harrison via Amazon.com and Fed Ex. I thought I'd be in love with her, but I'm not; and anyway, it's still an amazing collection ... she's done what I've wanted to do for so long; and if you're female, you should read this book. If you're not you should read it too, but it identifies very closely to the process of growing older in women. Now, after my next paycheck, I'll have to order the other three she has out. :) More on the painted horse project, etc. later? |
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| (liberate) |
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| 03/04/2006 06:35 pm | |||
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How do you feel about eloquence? To be continued later ... [later] I'm not necessarily an apologetic person. Sometimes my mom and I will argue (over something I've done of course), and at the peak she'll say something like, "You could at least say you're sorry!" And the honest truth is that, half the time, it hadn't even crossed my mind. I suppose I believe in my choices too fully, if that's possible ... which I've decided is. I trust myself too much. Also; You can't exactly judge the outcome of an event or circumstance merely by what you can picture. "I just can't see it happening," we say. But life surprises us too often to esteem our intuition like that. It's almost selfish. We know nothing of the unexpected! Do we learn? |
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| (liberate) |
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| all is ash or the light shining through it | ||||
| 02/04/2006 01:15 pm | ||||
Last night was interesting ... actually my whole life has been interesting for the past few weeks. It's obnoxious, really. Not that I plan to outline in detail the recent events of my life, actually I don't even plan to do it generally. It'd take too long. On the subject of interest; (interest), it seems to have been a common motif with me; starvation for interest. I've gone through times wherein I've been so bored with my life (in efforts of not using the term "depressed") that I actually imagined the most tragic instances I could have and halfway hoped for them to happen. To make something move. To shift the stagnance of how I was living. Needless to say, for the first time since, I feel like I'm supposed to. I know I've complained in this journal at least once or more times of how I don't feel like a teenager, everything felt still, I couldn't run jump or play, ...cause my feet were cemented to the plainest ground. That's what I mean when I sy "I feel like I'm supposed to." For this I'm actually thankful for what I thought would be a devistating event. Don't get me wrong, devistating it is, being forced to realize that what you thought was right and above on a parallel to what anyone else had (that was very difficult imagery to harness, sorry if it makes no sense) was actually a one-sided feeling. I mean, the end of relationships and trends in anyone's life is expected. And it is always sad. But I'm okay with it, and proud of myself. I realize the way I'm describing what happened isn't going to make sense to the masses out there who read this. For that, I'll discontinue. :) This weekend has been wild. Last weekend was wild. I'm having such fun, and wont force it to last (I halfway disapprove) but will grasp it with force as long as it's here. And for the last note, I should think of apologizing for making RIDICULOUS impressions (first or otherwise) on a few people last night. Haha I was fuckin obnoxious. K bye |
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| (liberate) |
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content| Sing to ease your pain; dance around and feel the rain. | |||
| 10/10/2005 11:31 am | |||
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There's nothing left to fill When all that's left is losing. We all seem to need the help of someone else, to mend that shelf with too many books read me your favorite line i have so many questions to ask, and this newfound strong sense that tells me to explore; i don't even think i'm thinking right now. nothing i say will make sense. and i have that feeling of butterflies more around the area of my heart than stomach, it makes me nauseous (you need to love and be loved... Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster!...), and i believe the only way to get the feeling out is to sing as loud as i fucking can and ... i sense that i'll easily become addicted to this, i remember every word you said to me. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or... ants, crossing the road... the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk... Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and... will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details. A very lovely statement from Before Sunset |
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| (liberate) |
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| hurryupandsayiti'mpastfascinated | |||
| 05/02/2005 05:34 pm | |||
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I'm past-fascinated. Say it like that, like one adjective as if it were the most common way to describe a feeling on Earth. I'm not fascinated because I've already been enlightened so many times by so many things that I just don't care to be any more amazed by anyone-- all my insights have been solely mine-- my own discoveries; fascinations-- that I've lost the hopeful notion that anyone else can bring me back there. It's the reason why I'm being unresponsive static to insights And the reason why I wont discuss my current relationship because I support teenage attatchment right now and am not looking to build a permanent unit (of connection?) with anyone. Love's not what I need right now, I've had it-- and it was personal, it was with myself, so I no longer feel like a deep connection with anyone is necessary. But a lot of other people are still looking for it. I'm comfortable with myself, I understand myself (and you for that matter) and I've already been lucky enough to experience the euphoric connection that other people around me are currently striving for.. so I'm lazy. (Please take the statement about my relationship very lightly, it's most likely that I'm just ignoring whatever strong feelings I do have right now and pretending I don't want them because I know I don't need them and know it's okay not to have them. Yeah I'm sure you understood that.) |
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| (liberate) |
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| I aint no hollaback girl | |||
| 04/26/2005 05:28 pm | |||
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I hate the fact that because of this entry my cute blog about instant messenger being one of the "devil's most predominant devices" gets bumped to the next page. Go to the next page, okay. And now for some purpose: Now and then ideas run across my mind that need to be written down expressed, analyzed, investigated But that's just it. I let them run across my mind without ever waving a hand at them to catch them before they go, or calling out to them to find out why; they never seem to pause or stay long enough. because the rest of my mind always seems to be more interested in the moment |
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| (liberate) |
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| I don't like when people have to peel every microscopic part of the white skin on oranges | |||
| 03/15/2005 07:36 pm | |||
| Alright, if you're eating an orange, don't be ridiculous and peel every scrutinizing strand of the white part-- that's just ridiculous, you CAN'T even taste it unless you eat straight up orange peel, so quit being annoying and frickin enjoy that small bit of heaven in your hands before it goes bad or you mush it up whilst fussing over tasteless, white, nutritious skin. OKAY. | |||
| (liberate) |
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| 03/01/2005 10:32 pm | |||
 You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never knows what you're going to come up with next; this creates great excitement and arousal never knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end in a kiss as great as your mystery. What kind of kiss are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Boom | ||||
| 12/08/2004 05:39 pm | ||||
the rest of you.. uhh, thanks, a lot, reeeeally. you're real COOL. I'm painting right now and unsure why I'm typing here. By the way I'm completely uninspired and discovered that the underlying cause for being so ridiculously uninspired is actually disappointment. If you're disappointed in anything, flow ceases. That's all for today. |
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| (liberate) |
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| ...for only one second, and... | |||
| 11/27/2004 08:51 am | |||
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I'm grungy and tired. Last night was El's band practice and fire. They're frickin good. I am proud of him. I don't update my journal a lot because I lack inspiring things to type. I can't sit here and type upon how superficial and ditzy I've voluntarily become... well, I could, but I'd only disgust myself and anyone who knew how I was prior to June 2004. Fucking June 2004. I'll never forget that month; that summer, and I hope it makes you feel. If not terrible, at least aware. I hope you are aware. I should change my screenname because August has no melody anymore. How ridiculous did that sound. Really. Ridiculous. I want to go out tonight. Be a real teenager for once. I bet I wont. ---------------------------------- "He spoke of letting things go-- things that are in the past we cannot undo. God can give us miracles, but it's completely selfish and unrealistic to keep wishing to rewind life. You can't. It's utterly selfish, arrogant and ignorant to even think to. Anyway-- if we start each new day, Joel said, by shaking off the ashes and unsettling thoughts of the day before, we're better off." I realized how many references to past incidents and disappointments I made in just this one, terribly short journal entry. *shakes off ashes* |
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| (liberate) |
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| Lots of people read this but I don't know why. | ||||
| 11/07/2004 09:48 am | ||||
Anyway, yesterday I got my portfolio reviewed by a few different art schools that sent representatives (admissions officers) to the University of Bridgeport. So my mom, Lauren and I scuddled on down to Brideport... and when we got there, after a lot of negative energy, heavy eyelids, and waiting, I scurried on over the the UArts table, where this very friendly, young man reviewed my portfolio. I think I liked him the best, because he's from my dream school, and he had a lot of positive things to say. Upon opening my portfolio, the first thing he noticed was obviously color, which was a plus because understandably, a lot of teenage artists avoid color like it's frickin hurricane Charlie. But I love color. The only thing he said I need to work on was drawing from observation. They all said that, actually. I'm looking into some life-drawing classes to keep me busy over the winter, if work doesn't. The next man was very friendly as well. He was a little intimidating at first; tall, slim, heavy eyebrows, stern face. But he was VERY helpful. I think I'll remember everything he said better than what anyone else said. He represented New England School of Art & Desgin at Suffolk University (located in Boston). All the reviewers really liked my Jewel piece. (This one) They said it would remain in my portfolio a year from now and that it was a strong piece, because color is used wisely and limitedly, and the sternness or seriousness of the piece was breathtaking because of that. The attention focuses on the subject to demonstrate a definite mood, which is apparently good every once in a while. I was happy at this. I regard that as my favorite painting of all time! That I've made, anyway. The next guy FREAKED ME OUT. I don't even want to talk about him. He talked really slowly and quietly and looked at me crazily, I didn't like him at all and he said NOTHING. He opened, looked, asked me which were the school assignments and what were the assignments. I told him, nervously, and then he said to just "keep doing what you're doing." I didn't know whether to leave or not. He looked like he had more to say. He dismissed me with a nod. It creeped me out and made me not wasnt to visit any more reviewers. He was from the Hartford Art School, which had like 38952735 representatives there. Of course I get the creepy guy. He was young, though, which made it even more lame. Hartford was NEVER one of my choices anyway. :) The last lady I visited was from Montserrat College, also in Boston. She talked a lot, and by that time I was very tired. I gathered a few points from her, though. That when I'm working with mixed media the elements I use have to flow together' that they don't in one of my collages that she pointed out. It didn't make me mad, though, because I agreed with her completely. But she juxtaposed Jewel and Masked (This one and This one) which I love to put side by side, since they're complete opposites and compliment each other well at the same time. One represents serenity and has clean, tight, organized brushstrokes while the other is mess, unkept, wild and flawed. She pointed out these things and said, "See, I probably just pointed out things about these two pieces you didn't even know yourself. That's what you have to start doing with yoour art." I was like WAIT a minute, lady. Let's rewind. MY art. That's right. I know what's goin on, yo! She was super nice though. Helpful, but she went on and on and on. Sooo... It's over with, it was beneficial. Fun times. Oh, and I steered clear of Cooper Union, haha, I know how selective they are. I snagged their virtual tour CD, though! I beat the system. I didn't go to Rhode Island School of Design, either. I know how selective and snobby they are, as a school in general. Laurizz never believed me, but now she probably agrees with me. Okbye. By the way, my boyfriend's hot. (You all love when I say that. haha) I'm soooo excited to make art all day, now. My parents and Mitchell are in Vermont, they went last night but I stayed home because I put up a fuss. Nick slept over Matt's house and now he's at work until 5 or something. I LOVE ALONE TIME. I'm gonna go crazy. Make come paintings. Yesyesyesssss. |
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| (liberate) |
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| 10/24/2004 02:38 pm | |||
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1. He came at just the right time. <3 2. Life's a lot better, I am accepting change. 3. Homecoming was near-perfect. Ask questions. =D |
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| Jerry Lee was the King | |||
| 09/20/2004 02:46 pm | |||
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Today was the best. day. ever. I tried, but I didn't have Drawing or English today, and I was looking forword to goofing off in those classes! So maybe tomorrow will be even better! I had the Hootie and my Elvis outfit. And new shoes. The elvis shirt is pretty new too. A girl wearing new shoes feels brand new. I felt nice. And I wore makeup that coordinated with my outfit. Whoa. How chickity. I want to go out to dinner tonight. Anyway last night was lame, but I feel free of the junk that was making me upset all the time. Like Carol<# put it, "it's like you were doing him a favor and got a bullet in the face for it!" Haha. Yes. Now.. The only thing I can think of to say is FUCK YOU Not you Carol. I just don't know how to correct that so that it refers to the right person. Maybe I just don't feel like thinking. |
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| (liberate) |
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metallichick822 |
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my friends my info calendar artwork |
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| my time's a riddle that'll never be solved | ||
| fall back in time | ||