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VH1 Classic is on in the living room. |
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Well, I was stressed out today. Nothing big; just my usual phobic nonsense. It's all sorted out, and I'm okay.
We watched Finding Nemo tonight. I didn't think it was as great as it was hyped up to be, but it was good. Rob and I also watched Spider this afternoon, which is a David Cronenberg movie about Ralph Fiennes mumbling and doing crazy things.
So now I'm doing what most people my age do at 11:00 at night when they've got three weeks off from school: I'm drinking alone in the laundry room and wondering who I like in the primaries.
Carol Moseley Braun: I like her! She says what she wants, and she means what she says. The only thing that's irritating about her is that she's always pointing out the fact that she is a woman! And she is also black! And she is running for president! Wow! I understand that she's trying to say that her race and gender don't matter, but she makes them matter by talking about them all the time. It takes the emphasis away from her actual qualifications, which are damn impressive. Go Carol!
Bottom line: If she's still in there when the vote comes to Oregon, I'll probably vote for her.
Gen. Wesley Clark: Hoorah! Michael Moore likes him, and he's a general who's opposed to the war! Clinton likes him too! He seems pretty cool, but he also looks like some sort of fish man who hides his gills under his collar and will summon Dagon from the sea to destroy the human race. Just sayin', is all...
Bottom line: If none of the cooler candidates make it, I'm voting for Clarky Clark.
Howard Dean: Howard Dean is The Man, and I don't mean that in the positive sense. He's just... such a white man with white hair and white teeth. It's like someone poured a bunch of white man into a white man mold and made the whitest white man in the world. He tends to talk in campaign slogans. Al Gore likes him, but I still don't. He's just too much of a politician.
Bottom line: He'll probably win in the primaries, and if so I'll obviously vote for him, but he's not the best.
John Edwards: Uh... I don't know much about him except that he's really abrasive during debates. And he looks like a chipmunk.
Bottom line: I am not a fan of John Edwards.
Dick Gephardt: Ahhhh, good ol' Dick. Dick Gephardt... big Dicky... Mr. G... Geppy Gep Gephardt... The Dickster...
Bottom line: DickGephardt!
John Kerry: Kerry is alright, I guess. He both fought in and spoke out against Vietnam, and he seems like a pretty nice guy. His proposed drug policy, however, is fucking retarded. He wants to keep fighting the "War on Drugs." See, if you ruin people's lives by sending them to prison, then they won't ruin their own lives with drugs! It makes perfect sense... in John Kerry-Land, where unicorns dance in Marshmallow Valley and eat from the Magical Candy Tree.
Bottom line: meh. He doesn't have a chance anyway.
Dennis Kucinich: I have a Dennis Kucinich T-shirt. It would be absolutely great if he were president, but it's probably not gonna happen. He'd be a great leader, but I don't think people see him as a leader. They see him as a Keebler cookie elf.
Bottom line: He's tied with Braun for my vote, but I don't think he'll make it.
Joe Lieberman: AAAAAAA!!! I hate Joe Lieberman! I hate him so much! GGRRAAAARRR!!! He's like a Jewish Nazi; how the fuck does that even happen? He supports the "War on Terror," he pissed off Al Gore, and he's pro-censorship. And he talks like Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama. He's a big jerkface and he smells like poopies!
Bottom line: HAAAATE LLLIIIIEEEBEERRMMMAAAANNNNN!!!!
Rev. Al Sharpton: He's the coolest. That's all there is to it. Reverend Al. Gonna save America. Gonna do it with style. Preach it, brother!
Bottom line: He's up there at the top, with Kucinich and Braun.
That took forever. Congratulations to anyone who's still reading this. You can stop now.
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