Date:	2004-03-16 12:00
Subject:	16: Today's Lucky Random Winner
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	Violent Femmes/Guster

No Arts High today.Aw fuck. The one good thing a week has been taken. An early dismissal does not balance the scales

My medicine has made me anxious

Realize Number One:

I am horrible at running into people on the street. Well, not literally running in, but the figurative kind. I stand there thinking should I wave? smile? nod? say hi? do they want me to piss off? After the encounter, I spend a good 20 minutes stressing if I goofed up another social encounter. Damn it.



Realize Number Two:

The term "parking", whether or not when used in context of positioning a car, reminds me of bad 70s movies about the 50s in which kids go to Lover's Lane and exchange pins (which is an euphemism for...well... you know) and make plans to go to Homecoming together.

Anyway... you haven't lived, evidentally (I can't spell) until you must explain the conept of 'Hooters' to someone

I have "you're so damn hot" stuck in my head. help. help. help.

Decided to ignore EVERYTHING I'm stressing about in hopes that they will all go away

Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.

Date:	2004-01-08 08:05
Subject:	search lights circle where we lost our way
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	The Weakerthans- Benediction

If Jesus had an online journal, what would he write?

So anyway, listening to the librarian and the satanistic guidance couselor have a lengthy discussion about some form of a sewing bee. And I'm not being sarcastic. Now the guidance couselor is threatening to shoot someone. Am I the only one who finds that midly ironic?

But I forgot to inform all, two nights ago there was a tree in teh middle of the road. Someone must have left their XMas tree on the side of the road and it rolled into the middle of the wannabe-intersection by my house. I took a few pictures and hopefully the flash means you can see the tree and it's not one big blob.

My dad returns home from Canadia tonight- hope he brings me a Canadian. Him home means I can stop being the wake up cop and I can relax a little. Course regardless I'm always the one who ends up doing the dishes or vacumming or something if my dad doesn't do. Stupid empathy. It's at the point where my dad will yell at the three of us for not helping out more and then pull me off the the side later and tell me to stop helping so much. This has got to be destroying my self confidence or something. Can't think of the word.


Going to Hershey in a week to wreak havoc at the Model UN convention or whatever it's called. Opposing coutries, watch your asses- I've got a dictator and durg trafficking on my side

Date:	2004-01-06 20:48
Subject:	IT DIDN'T BLOODY COME
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy
Music:	alaska!- the western shore

... no nasty jokes but
THE DAMN CTY BOOKLET DIDN'T COME TODAY ADN EVERYONE ELSE GOT THERE'S!!!!!!! I DIDN'T GET TO KNOW ABOUT THE NEW PSYCH COURSE UNTIL SOMEONE TOLD ME!


rampage over

Anyway... THEY CAME!! My new Alaska CD is here! And B&N called my hosue to let me know that the other 2 are sitting in thier stock room. They work pretty fast for a mindless conglorporation (and that's why I love them).

I saw my great grandma on Friday- she turned 94. She may have no idea who any one is, but she can still win bingo! I miss jy grandpa's stained glass (before he died he would make stained glass in his basement. And he was really good- especially becuase most folkies his age were sitting in a nursing home and he was playing with fire)

I just realized that I have monthly writing due Friday. On comittment. Gah. Comittment? Of all teh stupid topics... that's up there with 'friendship' and 'happiness'. What the hell can I say about comittment? Anyone? Anyone PLEASE?!

I have a lot of clothes now. and underwear. i'm wondering if it's someone's subtle hint to tell me that it's time for me to start wearing some of the skirts i have in my drawers.

anyway, i got a james dean calender and 3 DVDs- A Fish Called Wanda (which is hilarious) X2 and Rebel Without a Cause . Some Cds- Rod Stewart (I don't know. I really really don't know), the new Weakerthans and the new Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.
I put my 70+ dollars in gift certificates to good use and ordered some cds:
Alaska!
Emotions
Idaho
3 Sheets to the Wind
and Sunday's Best
The Californian

that's all i feel like writing so... yup.
oh and...

I BOUGHT A BOOK OF JAMES DEAN PHOTOS AND THERE'S ONE WHERE HE'S LYING IN A FIELD OF COWS AND ONE WHERE HE HAS ABS!!!!!!!!

ok, done

(other than the mood thing never has my moods- it's as bad as a mood ring never having the right color for me)

Date:	2003-12-24 10:00
Subject:	So um... it's the eve of the eve
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold
Music:	the computer purring

Anyway....

I saw Rocky Horror live. Finally. it twas nice.My thigh got more action in 2 hours than the rest of me in 15 years but hey. Plus I went up to the hottest Phantom (in the reallllly low cut pleather pants) and asked him to kiss me and he did. C'mon, faux Brit accents- can you go wrong?

Um.. hmmm... I ahve my very own psych text book to write in now, since mrs. snyder gave me one. and well.. I open xmas present with the madre tomorrow since I'm with my dad for the jolly holiday.

and I got a new screen name.

"Fo' shizzle ... o' no' fo' shizzle? Dat be the quizzle, my south-central British nizzle."

Date:	2003-12-10 12:01
Subject:	Hannah scares at me.... yeah... that
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	hannah. hannah. hannah.

I CAN GET INTO MY EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway... my english teacher read this in class today. And then started laughing. No one ever said he was stable. he' s a beautiful man though.

Richard Cory
By Edwin Arlington Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich - yes, richer than a king -
And admirably schooled in every grace;
In fine we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.



yeah so... I had a dream last night I didn't get into HSA Advanced Writing so I started crying in my sleep. Then I woken up and wasn't sure if it happened or not. Decided it didn't happena dn went back to sleep. Had a dream about not knowing whether my last dream was a dream or not. Woke up, groaned and then fell into dreamless sleep.

The moral of th story?
1. I hate lucid dreaming
2. I'm back to my old waking up every three hour scheadule of sleep.


PSAT scores came in and my guidance counsler reaffirmed her status as one fo the biggest idiots I've ever known. She told me that good scores and good grades and all my extracuiriculars aren't enough to get me into a good college- I should write a book of poetry. AT this point I looked at her blankly and went.... "Sure!" while thinking "You daft daft fruck"

Was ist dass?

Anyway I get my PSAT scores today at 1:50. and this is going to tell me what to do with my life how?

Anway... its weird to think that when your teachers were growing up, they had first names. Then I think of Mrs. Kuenzel and realize... know she didn't.

“I should like to ask you: Does you childhood seem far off? Do the days when you sat on your mother’s knee seem days of very long ago?”
Responding to his softened manner, Mr. Lorry answered:
“Twenty years back, yes; at this time in my life, no. For, as I draw closer and closer to the end, I travel in the circle, nearer and nearer to the beginning. It seems to be one of the kind smoothings and preparings of the way. My heart is touched now, by the many remembrances that had long fallen asleep, of my pretty mother (and I so old!), and by many associates of the days when we call the World was not so real with me, and my faults were not confirmed in me.”

~~~~Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities

Anyway... I can't get intomy email. And rabidsquirrels, you know you want to post me some good Dom/Orli slash or whatever you're reading now becuase the picture you posted...... ::embarressed look::...... yeeeeeeeah....

Anyway... what I've been doing with my life (other than trying out for HSA):
Two Young Stoners

“Two young stoners,” my father says, as we wind up the avenue
in the six-thirty sunrise pointing out scenery
The Methodist church with the empty lot next door on his side of the road
I glance out my window to see the wobbling polo shirts with the collars turned up
The Mused hair and mystified expressions

If I was daring, truly daring, I would wave when one looks toward the road
And the German automobile thrusting up it, metal moving with ease
Where I could not breathe; my lungs have not yet stopped pounding from the early run
I might say to my father how cute the young drug lords look
They can’t be much older than I, with hands sticking haphazardly
Out of jean pockets, faces lurching to meet the fence covered ivy

But my face is sweaty from two miles in morning air and my contacts not in
My hair twists in short stringy dreadlocks falling around my glasses.
For a moment I think it’s strange to be embarrassed, me who has been different
For a lifetime of reading on the playground and digging tunnels by myself. After
watching my reflection fade among pine trees and juniper bushes planted as a fence
I look away to the lines in the pavement as he drives over the hill where my legs gave out
The threat of next year’s soccer season and approaching swimsuits (cut high on the hip)
Not enough to convince my rectus femoris to keep extending my leg

As my father counts out loud the miles, watching the odometer
I glance into the side view mirror to watch the two walk away



The reverse side also has a reverse side- Japanese proverb

Date:	2003-12-03 12:06
Subject:	Why did I ever grow up?
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

Honestly, what was wrong with thumb sucking and nap time? snack time? NOTHING!!!!

Honors Chem has took away my meager faith in humanity.

Ummm you guys you now you want to get me one of these for X-Mas:

http://www.metrostars.com/fanzone/auction.htm

... MATHIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MATHIS HE'S LEAVING THE GOD DAMN TEAM OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE!!!!!

end begging and whining here

Date:	2003-12-02 12:10
Subject:	You can't get AIDS from a cat
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy
Music:	elton john is in my head-blame alll the aidsinfo shows I saw

Happy World AIDS DAY yesterday everybody!!!!! ::flaunts her pretty red ribbon that still hasn't washed off her hand all the way::


Anyway... is it so wrong for me to want a non-digi camera that I can change the shutter speed, lens and zoom on? Oh I think not.

And the hot coco caffiene sets in... now

Jessica
Adam Green
jessica simpson
where has your love gone
it's not in your music
no
you need a vacation
to wake up the cavemen
and take them to mexico

jessica, jessica simpson
you've got it all wrong
your fraudulant smile
the way that you think that the day you die

my body's in trembles
infested with brambles
that sharpen the air i breathe
what's in the menu
jessica can you
take down my order please

jessica, jessica simpson
you've got it all wrong
your fraudulent smile
the way that you think it the day that you died

tomorrow gets closer
a purple bulldozer
is calling you on the phone
your lovelife precedes you
your son in law feeds you
injections of cortizone

jessica, jessica simpson
you've got it all wrong
your fraudulent smile
the way that you think it the day that you died
jessica simpson
where has your love gone
its not in your music
so where has it gone?
jessica...


Anyway.... um... I have a sore throat adn still no computer. Damn you Gateway. Damn you.


Side not- Howard Taft, you are such a fox

Good news: I found a school for all you tech-inclined people-
learnexperienceinnovate.com

They give out hacking degrees.

Bad news: I broke my watch

Good news: I went to a MetroStars game

Bad news: They lost 2 to 1

Good news: Dad's gf's brother rocks

Bad news: I lost my mood ring

Anyhoo. Yes.

I feel so tired. And stressed. But mainly tired. Maybe this weekend I'll be able to sleep.


I've decided there's not an ice monkey's chance in hell I'm going through my friends page at this point. It's too much. Could anyone who reads this mind giving me a recap fo teh past 3 months for them?

And she says don't be an idiot

**
I feel soo grotty (Hard Day's Night quote- means grotesque). I'm sick with either the cold from hell or allergies; I slept maybe 3 hours last night CAUSE I COULDN'T BREATHE and yesterday I had to get interviewed by a woman from the court system to see where I wanted to live (with my dad. in metuchen. which I've been saying for months now)

Erg... and last night while I lay awake I got to listen to my dad yell at my brother (some how or another I always manage to catch those). And for him [my dad]to mumble that he's afraid that Blair and I are going to end up being forced to move anyway. I haven't even considered the idea really, I haven't thoguht about it or thought 'what if?' I just really want to stay in Metuchen- I'm tired of moving about and being the new kid and packing and unpacking and living out of boxes.

And my nose is all runny.

And I still haven't gone thorugh my friends list. (sorry!!!!!!!!)

And I'm tired and cranky and ergh............. oh so grotty


Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
Youre only dancing on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddys best jeans
Denim Blue fading up to the sky
And though you want him to last forever
You know he never will
(You know he never will )
And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
Therell never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will
(You know you never will )
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
Youre only dancing on this earth for a short while
Oh very young
What will you leave us this time

OKDoke... so Annie can come to Guster (sorry Cathie.... grrr... if only you could come). Just need to call her and get her directions.

Today I moved furniture. Alot of furniture. I no longer have a kitchen table and my father doesn't actually move for another 2 weeks. Sensible? No. Feeling of acomplishment? Sure Dad. I would say my house looks like one of those model houses that they show off to potential-mover-in-condos people but even those places haved furniture dern it.

Tomorrow I rejoin the working class. Goody goody gum drops. I probably forgot everything I was thought of as smart for knowing. Oh well.

I reallly don't want to go through my friends list. I know I should. So I'm not being inconsiderate. Just procastinating guys. SO when I don't respond to "does anyone love me?" posts.... er.... sorry.

Cheers!
Courtney

Date:	2003-08-09 15:15
Subject:	Still can't spell
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Joey Ramone- What a Wonderful World (stuck in my head)

I'm home from CTY (as Cathy and my family know by now- at least I'll hope my family knows). It's weird, I think even more than last year I'm going to wake up every morning, go to school and wish to see a lot of my CTY friends sitting in my homeroom or first period or whatever, depending on how this lovely approaching court date works out.

And I relaized yesterday as I sat crying in a Wendy's bathroom that the fact that I miss CTY so much and so much want it to not be over only means that it's affected me, that it's touched me. I think I'm a different person now than when I went away but what do I know?

I helped my dad move some stuff over into the new house of his today (and Cathy got to check it out yesterday). He said I could have people from CTY over, so I guess if people are on vacation and want to spend quality time on my couch.

Currently I'm at Karen's (the gf) house while everyone else is outside in the pool. It's quiet cause my cd player batteries died and I'm trying to not look at my friends list. I don't think I can handle sitting down and going through it right now.

Oh well... off to hassle people who didn't sign my ctybook or have pictures (once again this summer I didn't take pictures. yeah for traditions! but I did steal a guy's shirt [Bobby's] which I'm wearing now)

Anyway-
Courtney

Date:	2003-07-14 16:46
Subject:	To Yolanda or whoever else reads FanFiction
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Joy Division- Love Will Tear Us Apart

Gay Glitter Boy

That's not really the title but hey- it fits.
Summary A gay glitter frontboy and his band are forced to tour for a year with a pop group who are anti-gay glitter boys. It verges on really good and really bad at alternate parts but's worth it for all the shiny rhinestones.

And, if you'd like to read two other really good things (they're X Men based but are really good)

Last Season
Summary I almost cried. It kicks ass damn it. Official summary:Bobby is a good boy, even when he's doing bad things. Slash -- Bobby/John


Pivotal
Summary I will one day figure out why the ones who write slash are often the most creative and introspective ones. Most of the time, anyway.