silver moons and vibrant darkness   
Dec. 14th, 2006 | 09:29 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] giddy
I lost my virginity to this song! "Fall Into Sleep", Mudvayne
Random title. Just updating because I am in such a good mood. Me and Chris got back together after a month of being broken up. Remember the best breakup line ever, Theus? He told me a couple of weeks after I saw you that breaking up with me was the stupidest thing he ever did and that he wanted me back. I've been much better since. I love him so much. He's in Texas with his mom now, has been for nearly three months, but he swears he'll be back before the year is out.

I got a cell phone today. A pretty little black (of course) Razr w/ Cingular service as an early Christmas prezzie. If anyone wants the number, ask and I'll give (provided I actually know you- can't have random creeps harassing me). I'm so happy. I finally have a cell phone! Sorry, excuse my euphoria- I can't help it.

I find out tomorrow if I got into UGA or not. I find out in January if I got either of the full scholarships Georgia Southern offered me.

Oh, and I got my class ring yesterday. It doesn't have my birthstone in it because my birthstone is pink and hideous, so I got Chris's birthstone in it instead. A pretty blood red garnet. It reminds me of him, and even if we don't stay together like we're planning (we're hoping to move in together within a year or so- his idea, not mine, though I'm all for it) I'll still be happy to have it remind me of him.

Ok, that's all I have to say for now.

peace.love.afrogrease.
Jessi 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  4 tears shed - dry eyes
 
Dorian Gray   
May. 28th, 2006 | 10:56 am 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] peaceful
I lost my virginity to this song! Taking Back Sunday, "I'll Let You Live"
I'm happy... I haven't been here in a while, but, for the record, I am happy. I've got Chris, and he's been down here for a long time. (He's actually in ATL this weekend, but he'll be back on Monday. :) He's visiting his mom before he has to be back at GED school on Tuesday.) I'm so proud of him. Yes, he dropped out, but he's doing so much better. He's clean- everything but cigarettes, but then, I smoke those too- for the first time since I've known him. And he's got his hair cut like he's a Beatle with a goatee... It's so adorable. Me and Liz went and swam at the lake with him a week ago. It was fun... Lee was gonna come too, but he ended up working later than expected. ***JACUZZI*** (Don't ask, not tellin'.)

I have two jobs now (Barista's kitchen girl... Suite 6 bitch) and a car (a dark blue 2002 Honda Civic EX... but the last 'C' in Civic fell off, so it's really just "The Civi". Don't pick on me! My car has character. :P

School got out last Friday. I think I might have just managed to pass Trig. I passed economics with a 99. Score. People signed my yearbook with some fucking wierd shit... Some examples:

Hey, have fun this summer, but DON'T GET PREGNANT! you know you're my white sista! Chelsey Crutchfield c/o 07

Thanks Chelsey. I really wanted THAT in my yearbook! (So what if she got all the news about me and my man first?)

I don't know what the word for it is, but that's pretty fucked up! RT

RT= Richard Taken. This "quote" that he "made up" (I'm skeptical, ok?) came up at lunch on Tuesday. He swore up and down that one day I would use "his quote" because it's "a great quote." My reply? "No, I won't. I have a fairly extensive vocabulary, so I usually know what the word is."
RT: "But what if you don't?"
Me: "Then I'll probably just say, 'That's fucked up.'"
RT: "You're just ruining my quote."
Me: "And enjoying it, too!"

Beware the Banana-Man!

Katie Vandiver. She actually wrote a whole page, but what's the point in posting the whole thing?

If you ever decide to be lesbian instead of just bi, gimme a call! You're the only girl who could ever make me question my sexuality! Kristen Statham

She's straight... we were a little flirtatious in gym last semester... yes... well... She works right next door to Barista's now... at Hug's... guess how that's turning out?

P.S. Cut them split ends, girl! Lisa Freeland

She doesn't go to PCHS... she's in college, but she works with me at Barista's, so I made her sign it. Chris won't let me cut my hair, even though the bottom 4 or 5 inches is nothing but ratty little split ends, and Lisa'a man is the same way, so that't where that came from.

Theres more, but I'm bored with copying it out of my yearbook. Liz still needs to sign it, as does Chris.

Me and Chris are doing good. Haven't had any real fights, but then we've only ever had two of those in four years of knowing each other. A couple of little spats, just because we are normal people, and we don't agree on everything. (Just most things. ^^) There was one spat a few days ago, but... most of what we argue is just me being insecure about everything. I know he gets tired of always having to reassure me, but I can't help it. I listen too closely and think to much, and every joke becomes a veiled insult... I'm trying to get better about it though.

Anyway, I'm about to buy The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde off Amazon, so adieu. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  3 tears shed - dry eyes
 
Long time coming...   
Dec. 13th, 2005 | 10:11 am 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] bored
I lost my virginity to this song! 3-6 Mafia
Hiya. yeah, it's been awhile, eh? Just thought I'd drop by...

I had my wisdom teeth out last Friday. Funfun. Notreally much to say, though.

Military ball was big pimpin. I had such a great time with... you know who... hahaha

And I'm going to the FFA semiformal with Schadt. Such a big tall sweetie, doncha know.

I've been doped up on Lortabs the past few days. "I gotta stay high-i-i-i-i, until I die-i-i-i-i.... God, I'm super dork.

Ok, tis all. Buhbye. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
Needles   
Nov. 16th, 2005 | 08:52 am 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] calm
I lost my virginity to this song! Disturbed, Believe (i really did lose my virginity to this)
Yeah, I haven't been on here in a long ass time. Wow.

Ok, Went to the health dept. Mon. Apparently I have an irregular heartbeat and high cholesterol. WTF?

Military ball this Sat. Hellayes. 'M excited. Lips of... well, yeah. Yay.

Otay, 'M in chemistryright now, and I need to check mah email.

peace.love.afrogrease. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
This Bitter Pill   
Oct. 27th, 2005 | 12:55 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] sick
I lost my virginity to this song! Three 6 Mafia, "Stay Fly"
My head hurts. I'm in the school library, tinkering around instead of mastering the french language.

This keyboard is irritating.

Yaya! My birthday is this Monday! Big 1-7, yo.

Battalion Ball is rapidly approaching. *He* better get his ass in gear and pay. Stupid git. I just don't want to be stood up for this, not by him.

Adieu. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
We're gonna K-O this bitch.   
Oct. 4th, 2005 | 02:39 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] confused
I lost my virginity to this song! Finch, "Bitemarks and Bloodstains"
Man, Sydney needs to start leaving a way to fucking get in touch with her, because I'm tired of acting as her secretary. The lady she babysits for calls ALL THE TIME to talk to Sydney, who is NEVER home to take said calls. So I play the message lady. Stupid people.

I'm touched to touch you... -Trapt, "Disconnected"

I'm not accustomed to this bullshit.

Yeah.

Goddamn relationships. I want one. I want to prove to myself that I can have a real relationship. And there are guys who are apparently interested, like John Vensel (Barista's Boy), for example.

I'm just confused.

I would speak for you, I will bleed for you... -Hidden in Plain View, "Bleed for You"

For love or comfort? I'm so confused I want to scream I want to be yours I want to be- If I could take the pain away. I'm trying to figure out the appropriate action plan. I just have people that I need to talk to.

I think I'll just maintain this thing I have. Where I'm Friends With Benefits with guys I like. That way there is no BF/GF drama to deal with. I just hate waking up and feeling all alone.

All these lines are too fucking blurry to see... We're more than friends, baby, but it's not going to go farther. Sorry.

Now I'm stealing her body and taking it home... -Finch, "Bitemarks and Bloodstains" 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
After this, the rest is all bullshit... MSI   
Oct. 3rd, 2005 | 08:38 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] irritated
I lost my virginity to this song! "Stupid MotherFucker", Mindless Self Indulgence
So, I grew balls and talked to him, and he doesn't want to be my official 'boyfriend' because he thinks he'll fuck it up. Yeah, sure, whatever. Has he checked who he's talking to, lately? Geez. I am the queen of relationship fuck-ups, and HE'S worried? But, apparently, we are definitely way more than friends.

Gotta hate that whole 'lovers' concept. It's a bitch, man. For real. That not-quite-exclusive-relationship where you're perfectly free to do whatever the hell you want, but you have no desire to.

It has a tendency to tear the female psyche to shreds.

And then there's the guy with the bad shroom trip. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
I definitely give myself props...   
Sep. 26th, 2005 | 05:05 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] abandoned
I lost my virginity to this song! MSI, "Two Hookers and an 8-Ball"
Fuck guys. (Well, yeah, I do, but that's beside the point right now.) I hate them. I hate how they ask for your number and don't call, then fuck you and don't call, and never answer the goddamn phone...

I fucking hate you all, you little pricks.

Haha. Post-shower quickies. Fuckin' A, man.

Could you wanna take my picture, 'cause I won't remember...

You had to be my God the other night, then fuckin' drop me like usual. I always gotta go for the manipulative assholes, huh?

I fuckin' love you, baby. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
We're not playing for keeps.   
Sep. 21st, 2005 | 05:52 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] almost broken
I lost my virginity to this song! Crossfade, "Dead Skin"
Baby, baby, baby... I LOVE YOU.

Do you know what I know? Do you even care? Can you see what's coming, baby? It's so crystal clear... -The Prom Kings, "Bleeding"

If there was someone you really cared about, you'd hold onto them, right? You'd do anything to keep them around, wouldn't you? And you would think that you were just trying to prove that you cared, y'know. But... but you're really just trying to dodge being hurt. You know it's all because you don't want to hear that person tell you that you don't mean shit to them and that you never really did.

And you dont want a broken heart. Never that.

I'm gonna be in Milledgevill this weekend, I hope. And I'm gonna be happy, damnit. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  1 tear shed - dry eyes
 
I wish you would.   
Sep. 17th, 2005 | 03:11 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] alright
I lost my virginity to this song! Korn, "Twisted Transister"
Sooo...

Um, yeah.

Putnam's Battalion Ball is November 19th. I'm excited. Like, really. But I have to wear a black dress. Problem is, the only black dresses I have either don't fit right or are too short for this kind of 'formal' event.

Anyway. Liz knows why I'm so happy... LOL! Love my Liz.

Me and Jessica have been kinda... growing apart. I dunno. We just haven't been hanging out like we did over the summer, and we only have lunch together, and half the time she goes up to Sunshine's class to talk to him. So... But I am making other friends. Mostly guy friends. Like Jordan Knowles, Richard Taken, David Sweeney, Marshall Turner, Nick Philips, Clint Hamilton (who I used to HATE), Tyler Benefield, Tyler Luke, and Jorge Parra. Then there's the ones I was friends with before: Blake Ezzard, Justin Schadt, and 'that guy' (lol). And then there's my chick friends, new and old: Kristen Statham, Pelar Coleman, Raven, Joanne Besaw, A'sha Thompkins, and of course- Jessica. And Liz and Chelsea, who are really the only GMC folks I still hang out with.

I dunno. Life is good. So long as I'm not at home...

( I love you, baby. ) 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
And this is where I say I've had enough...   
Sep. 12th, 2005 | 10:38 am 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] aggravated
I lost my virginity to this song! "Stricken", Disturbed
Richard asked me out. I told him how I'm a horrible girlfriend, but he still wants to try to make it work. I just can't. Not right now. He's too much on my mind right now for me to be able to handle a boyfriend. Then there's my unending battle with chemistry and I just... can't.

I haven't written in awhile. So hello.

I am a callous person. I really don't care about the whole hurricane thing except for how it's screwing with me. Like the new person in my squad. Marie something-or-other.

Anyway. I'm in charge of these people in my LET class who didn't do their work and now have to do it today, and they aren't behaving and it's pissin' me off.

But I got my girls' night last night, and it's all gravy.

Not much esle to say. Woohoo, TROJAN TWISTED PLEASURE AND A PACK OF NEWPORTS! 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
Weak and Powerless   
Aug. 24th, 2005 | 04:20 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] damaged
I lost my virginity to this song! Shadows Fall, "What Drives the Weak"
I'm not feeling too great. Not today, no. Today I think I'm a little damaged. Not broken, not shattered or destroyed- just damaged. Like the 'damaged goods' rack at the store that you look at and think 'Oh, a little TLC and some bleach and that shirt will be good as new.' or 'All it needs is a little repair work here and there...'

Today, I'm on that rack. Even though Justin Schadt is being really cool and mildly flirty and he's just my type, and Kristen Statem isn't the horrible bitch I always just assumed she was. I'm associating myself with more people: more of MY people.

But then I'm home, and I get dented and scraped and damaged.

It's alright, really. I like being happy and part of a clique and real for a change. I like it.

But it's still my damaged day. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
Your Sweet SIXSIXSIX... HIM and HER   
Aug. 21st, 2005 | 03:43 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] calm
I lost my virginity to this song! "Antihero", God Forbid
I'm burning a CD for a girl in my french class. Joanne Besaw. She's a sophomore. She hates the freshmen's shit too. Yeah. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
You walk on like a woman in suffering...   
Aug. 16th, 2005 | 12:19 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] calm
I lost my virginity to this song! Disturbed, "Stricken" and "Guarded"
I love Disturbed. I must have the new CD. MUST. I'm wearing my Disturbed shirt at school today... YAYA! I hate this french class. And however sad this is- I'm getting just about tired of the computer lab. Really. I've spent at least 1 period in here- sometimes two- at least three times a week. It's irritating me.

I was doodling all through Chemistry this morning. I eventually just filled up the paper with my cute little pictures. Now I'm starting all over again.

Mike McLeroy came to talk to my LET class. He's great. He's a fucking MARINE now. The pothead who used to talk about dropping out and pretend to swallow my razors and pick me up and try to carry me into the boys bathroom is a fucking Marine now. It's wierd. I didn't believe him when he said that's what he was up to when I saw him at the Dairy Festival. I'm happy for him. He's really gotten his shit together, finally.

"I am stricken and can't let go."
-Disturbed
You know who you're for.

I'm just bullshitting my time away in here. It's so boring. Maybe my few friends are right. I need to socialize. I don't have a single 'good' friend in ANY of my classes. Maybe next semester will be better. Less lonely. Something like that.

Hell, what am I worried about. All I need is words. Books, music, paper, and pens. I'm fine if I can sing and hear and read and write. I don't need people. I need me and music and books.

Don't fuck with me. I'm ok.

Yes I am STRICKEN and can't let you go...

"Why does it sound like the devil is laughing?" -Disturbed, "Guarded"

( Number Eight is Macaroni and Cheese ) 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  2 tears shed - dry eyes
 
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane...   
Aug. 15th, 2005 | 05:55 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] hopeful
I lost my virginity to this song! "Stricken", Disturbed
Today... was alright, I guess. I really wish my mom would just leave me alone and let me come downstairs before she starts asking if I'm ok. I hate it when she comes upstairs and interrupts my afternoon cigarette to ask if I'm 'ok'. I will come downstairs at some point. Ask me then. Please.

In the meantime, do your own thing and leave me be. PLEASE.

Last night was good. Talked to people and got into a nice, good mood. I like being above the 'miserable' line. 'Slightly upbeat' is much more my place of comfort.

And I adore this song. "Stricken", Disturbed.

I'm just about alright. It's good news. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  1 tear shed - dry eyes
 
You know you really freak me out...   
Aug. 7th, 2005 | 01:58 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] hyper
I lost my virginity to this song! Korn, "Thoughtless"
'If he lays a hand on you, I'll kick his ass.'

'Thanks. I love you!'

Yeah. Friday night was awesome. Free cheesesticksat Sonic- whatwhat! And omigoodness- Chelsea pushed Liz over the curb in a buggy at WalMart. That was a TRIP.

I saw Christina Peacock at the mall. She cut all her hair off. She says I've 'turned prep'. Bullshit. Forever a freak on the inside. You don't have to dress a certain way all the time, you know. For me, every-fucking-day is HALLOWEEN! All you see is a costume, you gotta look deeper to know who I am.

Anyway. I love girls night out with Chelsea and Heather and Liz (and Lee- haha, your a GIRLIE MAN Lee!). Fuckin' awesome, man. I wish Jessica coulda come, but I think she had an alright time all the same, didn't ya? Lol. Hamburgers!

Ok. Yeah. I'm hyper. I need to DO something, or talk to someone, or something like that.

Peace. Love you. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
You said you missed me and I called you a liar... I'm starting to think that I was wrong.   
Aug. 3rd, 2005 | 06:09 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] irritated
I lost my virginity to this song! Letter Kills, "Hold My Heart [Part One]"
I will not hide you through this...
-10 Years, "Wasteland"

Meet me in the back and I'll tell you everything, I swear... (that was random. maybe I'll make it into a story. yeah. i need to update my deviantart thing anyway.)

I made a new friend in LET today. WEEEEEE!!! Makes me happy. He's little freshman named Jared Scarboro. He's alright. He'll be hot as hell when he gets tall, so long as he keeps that slim body of his muscular. He's the first of the new generation of wanna-be freaks that might actually genuinely be into the music.

I hate that metal is getting into the mainstream. A couple of years ago- when NO ONE knew who Rob Zombie or Killswitch Engage or Cradle of Filth or Arch Enemy was- you were sure that if someone started dropping band names, they knew who the fuck they were talking about and WHAT they were talking about. Now everyone walks around in Slipknot shirts and HIM hoodies and they don't even listen to the music. When I was a freshman, there were exactly eight freaks in the entire school: James, Jayson, Mike, Jason, Will, Jessica, Chris, and me. That was it. Now, with harder music being so commercialized, there are 80 or so. Almost all freshmen. It's irritating. I'm sure it's great for the bands, but it's hell on the subculture.

These new kids don't know the rules. They're all running dumbasses, really. Part of the deal with being a freak is the 'social outcast' bit. That little tidbit pretty much means that you protect your own and don't fuck with anyone else. These freshmen seem to think that dressing all in black means they get to walk all over everyone. Not the way it works. Dressing all in black means no one fucks with you, and in return, you don't fuck with them.

It irritates the shit out of me. Been there, done that, had a fucking blast, and now these little shitheads are taking the shine out of it. If someone is really that into it, they stick to a small group in a secluded place. Not in the middle of 400 people. All the 'freaks' around me in 9th grade had something fucked in their life. All these pansies are just fakin' it. -rolls eyes-

Sigh. Ok. Done ranting. Bye. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
Gone.   
Aug. 2nd, 2005 | 04:49 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] crushed
I lost my virginity to this song! 10 Years, "Wasteland"
He's not in my LET class anymore. Or my lunch period.

Sigh. I dislike chemistry. And french. And PE.

LET wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to deal with all these morons. This one LET4 guy put us at present arms and then tried to put us at parade rest without giving the 'order arms' command. Dumbass.

My head hurts. I'm talking to Joey, oh yeah. HAHA.

He's being a jerk. Grr...

Anywho.

nothing else to say. bye. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
BALLS   
Aug. 1st, 2005 | 04:25 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] giddy
I lost my virginity to this song! Institute, "Bullet Proof Skin"
My firstest day of school is OVER! Woo!

I'm so happy!

First peroid chemistry- I have class with Sarah, Rachel, and Kenzie. And i have homework.

Second period LET3- I am one of like five white people, but we're gonna have a RIFLE TEAM! whatwhat! And... he is in there with me.

Lunch- i ate with jessica and jesse pressley and one of jesse's friends. woot to the over-processed chicken nuggets.

3rd period french 2- Daniel Laotey is in that class with me! HAHA! we sat in the very back together with my friend Tonee.

4th period health- jesse and weird are in there with me. WOOHOO! Weird is the pimpinest 9th grader ever! and jorge parra is in there too. he pisses me off sometimes. alot of times. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  dry eyes
 
You make me...   
Jul. 31st, 2005 | 08:44 pm 
 
My aura is feeling rather... [mood icon] pissed the fuck off
I lost my virginity to this song! korn, "ass itch"
MotherFuckers

When I find out who's writing that motherfucking journal, I will kick their ass. Even though I'm just a skinny little girl... if you get me mad enough, ass will be kicked. And they will be found. I will find them and beat them to a bloody pulp.

fuckers. 		 
 
Add to Memories Forever isn't long enough. 
  1 tear shed - dry eyes
 


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