I tried to be perfect,nothing was worth it. Nothing could ever be so wrong. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo] Mark [ website | My Website ] [ userinfo | deadjournal userinfo ] [ archive | journal archive ]

My Computer Isn't Working Right Today [Aug. 4th, 2005|04:39 pm] [ Feeling: | restless ] [ Noise: | Head Automatica- Beating Heart Baby ] Track 5: Courthouse Tea Party How long did you expect me to wait for you, Life only lasts so long, By the time i got done waiting for you, My youth would all be gone, You can only be the last resort for so long, Can only be second place for so long, Can only try your best for so long, Before your best is only as good as all the rest, And that's when you stop caring whether you win or lose, You just want the game to end, So have your cake and eat it too, Take your plate and lick it clean, 'Cause I Don't want anymore from you, Not your lies,not your games,not anything, Too many times I've played the fool, Never did i think I'd be the fool to you, The whole time, Your plans have been playing out in front of me, I made myself a part without even noticing, I led myself out my door and down my driveway, Took the long walk out by the road to the gate, Where you wait with the gun to play with my brain, You play with the words,the smiles,the unavoidable stares, You get me wrapped in,you force me to care, So have your cake and eat it too, Take your plate and lick it clean, 'Cause I Don't want anymore from you, Not your lies,not your games,not anything, So light yourself on fire, Draw everyone to see, Let them take my place, Make yourself their everything, Set yourself on fire, Scream as loud as you can, Grab the hearts of all the others lost, Who's bleeding hearts won't mend, Set yourself on fire, Guide them towards your light, Light their way to your trick religion, Where they're not the only one who has no idea, What they want, For that, They can always count on you, So have your cake and eat it too, Take your plate and lick it clean, 'Cause I Don't want anymore from you, Not your lies,not your games,not anything, So go ahead and burn, Until skin bleeds away and bones are charred, Until bodies dissapear and faces are marred, Burn Away, Until you lie in the grass, With nothing but a mind and a heart, Left intact, And when that's all that's left, Ask why they were never used, Ash why it seemed they were lost, When they're the only things left unburned,unscathed, unscarred,unbruised, They'll be left lying just a foot or two apart, And you'll know just like the rest of us that they never worked together, That your heart never guided your mind, And your mind never guided your heart. link 1 saved me from here|Save Me

Time To Play Rockstar Again [Aug. 3rd, 2005|05:56 pm] [ Feeling: | artistic ] [ Noise: | Breaking Benjamin-Shallow Bay ] Track 4: Fruits and Vegetables The world always suffers, Bleeding and screaming in pain, We tear at the walls and break through the ceiling, And just as we're healing, We feel ourselves start to suffer again, And everytime we fall down we want to give up, We never want to get up, We never want to perservere, And so we end up being such cowards, Never realizing we should be strong, And so we end up feeling so faithless, But I don't wanta be faithless, I wanta be a bit stronger, I wanta last a little longer, I wanta have some faith in myself, In everything else, If we don't do this right we're sure to fall, So I'll Do This Right, And I'll be the one who's faith full, So i weather the storm, I make myself stronger, I'm looking ahead, I can see myself lasting a bit longer, I'm building myself up, Making a wall, I'm becoming my final being, Standing proud,standing tall, I'm becoming my character, Completing my thoughts,my ways, My actions, I'm building my persona, And waiting for reactions, Hopefully now, I won't be so faithless, 'Cause I don't wanta be faithless, I wanta be a bit stronger, I wanta last a little longer, I wanta have some faith in myself, In everything else, If we don't do this right we're sure to fall, So I'll Do This Right, And I'll be the one who's faith full, I've built up my character, Chosen my path, I'm seeing the light, Knowing I'll last, I'm feeling hope, Rarely do i suffer, I made a tourniquet for the bleeding, THe screams have been silenced, The walls are repaired,the ceiling is fixed, My emotions no longer stirred by violence, Everything seems clear,colors so much brighter, I never knew this all would happen just because, I chose to be a fighter. (quietly in background) "We Also Rejoice In Our Sufferings,Because We Know That Suffering Produces Perserverance; perserverance, character;and character,hope." link Save Me

You and i are gonna live forever.. [May. 4th, 2005|10:44 am] [ Feeling: | Impatient ] [ Noise: | Our Lady Peace. It's good for the soul. ] Track 3: Atlantis Play it out, Play your game, There's nothing there, For me to learn, Your blind and lost, Cold and desperate, You're so weak and, You're so fake, Full of yourself so much that you can't see, No one really likes you. Chorus: You're living in your own world, The good is better, The bad is worse, You conform, You pretend, You're so fake, You're so worthless, And you're no good. It used to be, That you made sense, You were always right, It used to be, I needed you, Without you i would die, But now i've outgrown you, And your fake interpretation of reality, And now i've outdone you, And it's becoming unhealthy, For me to have to deal with you, We'd all be better off, If you didn't exist. (chorus) It's dangerous, The fake ideas you preach to the world, You like to think you're always right, You like to take your problems, And you think they make you better, Than the rest of us, You think you're so much better, Living in your perfect world, Your world is just a joke. (chorus) You don't even know, How lost you are, You've taken your fake world, And gone too far, You're not very good, At getting what you want, Right now in your world you're queen, But the queen always goes down... You tell me that you want peace, And then you start a war, And when you lose a battle, It tears at your core, You have not idea what you want, And the queen always goes down.. link 2 saved me from here|Save Me

Trash [Mar. 22nd, 2005|03:05 pm] [ Feeling: | Ready to Kill ] [ Noise: | Jenn's on the phone! ] Track 2:Trash I hate the things you say, I hate the things you do, I hate the things you do for other people, When it's really all just for you, I hate your bad temper, I hate your selfish greed, I hate your stupid reasons, For the things you think i need, I hate the person you are, But what i hate the most, Is your influence, On the thoughts i chose, And now i hate myself, Because I'm you, Chorus: And i feel like i'm failing, I don't wanta be like you, I don't feel like i can go back, I don't want to have to start something new, I don't know what is right, I can't straighten my mind, I don't know how to fight, I can't be the person, That i want to be, Because i'm you. I should've hit you harder, I swear i wish i did, You try to trample on me, Like i'm just a stupid kid, I can't talk to you, Can't compromise, Can't make any sense, You're out of control, Out of your mind, On some ego trip, It's all for you, All these things you do, To me they don't mean shit, chorus Next time I'll run away, Just to anywhere, Even if it ruins my life, I'll live in pain, From all these things you did, Until the day i die, The way i am, It'll probably be soon, I can't live like this, I can't be contained, When all is done, Only the body remains, The heart is gone, The soul is dead, I never thought i'd hate you, Or hate my own bed, But i can't be here, I don't want you anymore, It's just a pointless game, A game without without a score, If the game goes on, I know I'll always lose, In my life i can never win, Because I'm you. link 1 saved me from here|Save Me

I wanta talk to ericka!!!!!!!!!!! [Feb. 13th, 2005|12:17 am] [ Feeling: | I wanta talk to Ericka!!!!!! ] [ Noise: | The Killers: Midnight Show ] Track 1: Imagination There's a place high above the streets, Above the clouds and trees, The one place that i feel peace, The peace remains, Until I fall to the ground, Until i come down, From up here i see everything, And the sun always shines, There's no feeling of stress, No sense of time, Up here i float on air, And watch the world, I see for endless miles, Up here i feel no hurt, Chorus: This is my serenity, This is my escape, Here i escape the people, Here i escape the hate, I'd rather be here, Than Anywhere else, This is my embodiment, This is my self, I fear the day i come back down, Fear the day that i awake, Up here i feel the gentle joy, Like my first birthday cake, High reaching mountains, Sandy ocean shores, I see it all from here, Like it's never been seen before, Down on your earth, Society is shaped by the news, Up here i'm unaffected, Only touched by what i choose, chorus Up here i avoid the lies, Up here i'll never die, Never again will i feel any pressure, Never again will emotion be measured, There's no good or bad, Only me, Never again broken or shattered, Never again beaten or battered, I'm by myself, And satisfied, Never scared, I'll never die, I have chosen not to feel, Only i will decide what's real, Up here i need no wings, I don't need air, I can choose not to breathe, Up here i see my heart and soul, Never covered always bare, I don't need to fly, If i don't want to, All that lifts me up is on the inside, There's nothing i need to do, Up here no one's ever let down, It's only me, I'll paint my own portrait, Of what i want my world to be, Chorus Up here i can make the world shake, Take power over your trembling feet, Up here i get what i want, Up here I'm everything i want to be, At my command, The earth will shake, Rivers will stop, Mountains will break, Waves will crash, Trees will rock, At my command, The world falls apart, And I, I'll be the one to escape. link Save Me

[Jan. 19th, 2005|02:50 pm] [ Feeling: | anxious ] [ Noise: | Full House on tv.isn't that pleasant? ] Track 11: Exit 136 This night, Though cut down in it's prime, Was quite refreshing, And past it's due time, The phone rang, I wasn't ready, My heart skipped a beat, But now it's beating steady Chorus: And i hope this time i'm ready, I hope i do it right, I hope there's a sign of new beginnings, Maybe it was tonight, If i were to do it wrong, If i were to lose, I don't know if i could forigve myself, Or walk in my own shoes, I hate this hole i've dug myself, And how it can never be the same, Could it be better than before? I doubt it... It seems i've closed that door, It's painful to look forwards, And find myself in last place, It's painful what you can't take back, If you could just erase a few select days, All i can do is look forward and hope, And i'll hope that you'll forgive me, See i'm really good at heart, I swear to you i am, If i could hear you say that you believe it, I might stop breathing, (pause) This is a new life. chorus I wonder deep inside, If you think any good of me, I'd really love to hear, But all i do is wonder, I'm driving through the woods, Roads covered with ice and i can't steer, You have no idea how bad, I want to be a part of you, I hope you see that i'm worth saving, I'm worth starting new, I'll admit right now I'll make mistakes, I'm asking for forgiveness in advance, Right now, Could we be friends through good and bad, Unconditionally, Until the curtain closes and we take our bows, I see right now that you're worth keeping, I've promised myself I won't let go again, And i listened to both of those songs last night, The ones that remind me of you, And i hate those songs with all of my heart, But i listened just for you, chorus I miss you so much, If i had a chance to see you, I wouldn't think, I'd be at your door, In the wind and the cold, With my face turning pink, What you thought were your flaws, I thought were perfecting, They made me think twice, Maybe there was another direction, I'm sitting here knowing, The odds are against me, Standing alone, The cold wind is blowing, I'm taking the risk, Ready for the fall, You've got some hold on me, Something i can't escape, Maybe cause beauty in and out, Creates a power, And i only notice the beauty of the world, At Sixty Five miles per hour, But i found some in you... link 1 saved me from here|Save Me

[Jan. 17th, 2005|11:37 am] [ Feeling: | irate ] [ Noise: | 3 Doors Down-Duck and Run ] Track 10: Four Months Counterclockwise of September I dreamt last night, Of killing you in your sleep, I woke up at the stroke of midnight, Grabbing at my heart, I shook from the fear, Began to fall apart, Could anything be done, Could i get even a touch of the glory, I felt when i was your only one chorus: You thought i never told you anything, Truth is there was nothing to tell, When i was with you, I never had that pain i had felt, Now that you're gone, The pain is back, But you're never there... I don't know, If something changed, Or if i was always this way, I'm searching for ways, To reconnect, I'm searching for ways, To redirect, I need a shot in the arm, To revitalize, There's gotta be something good, I need to find it... chorus And all the signs show, That we can't be saved, But i swear we're just missing a pieces, The pieces were misplaced, And i know i do this to myself, And i know that's what said is never what's felt, I pretend to stop caring, And gosh was i getting good, But there's always that gust of wind, A blast of cold air, Every gust carries a thought, A piece of the puzzle, Your gust just hit me... And i grab for the piece, I trip over myself, Trees sway and branches twist, And i fall on my face, The cold winter air burns my cheeks, Like your image burns my mind, And i know it's my fault every time, chorus I'm sorry i've done this, I'm still breaking my shell, It just seems like every time, You think i shouldn't care, But i just can't do that, I can't just start a clean slate, 'Cause you filled mine up, I can't just be another throwaway, And i won't pretend that's all you were to me, chorus You're never there, But always in my mind, And all i've said, Right from my heart, It won't mean a thing, To you... But at least i tried, It won't be long, Before i'm gone, At least i tried. link Save Me

[Jan. 12th, 2005|05:38 pm] [ Feeling: | contemplative ] [ Noise: | Breaking Benjamin-I Wish I May ] Track 9: Take It Away When they break your heart, Shrug it off, You're better off without them, On your knees, Pray to the Lord, Do you feel condemned? And i'm here for you, It jsut feels so right, Like it's what i was born to do, But they broke your heart... Chorus: So they broke your heart, Give me all the pieces, I'll fix the broken parts, It'll take some time, To connect the dots, Time is of the essence, Trust me i've got a lot, Here's the shocker, You're hit beyond words, Could be good or bad, And love is pain, And pain is love, And this situation, Seems to fit like a glove, And it's like changing, Rearranging, In the end it'll all be worth it, But they broke your heart... chorus And i'll be patient, And hope for the best, I'll focus on you, Not so much on the rest, In the end I'm probably breaking my heart... chorus This is how i am, All the time, Oh but now i'm scared, Frustrated, Please don't let it come back to haunt me, Come back to hurt me, Lord,don't let me down... Love,don't let me down... link 1 saved me from here|Save Me

[Jan. 11th, 2005|06:02 pm] [ Feeling: | nauseated ] [ Noise: | Saliva-Rock and Roll Revolution ] Track 8:Cat and Mouse The pain that i feel for you, I can't describe, The fear that is filling me, Can't be denied, I'm anxious to know, What's in your head, Anxious to tell you, How i feel before i'm dead, To tell you the truth, You dizzy me up, You're silly like circus clowns, But true to your heart, You know what to do, When life is falling apart, Chorus: And maybe one day you'll see, That i can be everything, That you need, So please just talk to me, Let me know how you feel, This time, Let the cat kill curiousity, And when you feel like breaking down, Let it out, I'm ehre for you and unafraid, I don't want to hear you doubt, Your restless heart beats, For someone to care, Even if oyu never noticed, I'll always be there, And you search for the words, To tell how you feel, I'm as speechless as you, Can we create our own world, Create our own real? chorus And if you never think of me, On a higher level than any other friend, I'll still be doing my best, I'll be here until the end, So ramble on, Tell me all you're feeling, I'm here to listen, It's my heart you're stealing, And it melts away, With each word you say, You're charismatic, Your hopes and dreams, Help me see who you are, They tell me everything, And what i see, I can't believe, It's something real, Something amazing, And i want it all, But i'm afraid to fall, I'm afraid that I've come to your porch, And knocked on the door, But you won't let me in, Won't give me a chance to show what i do, chorus And i stand at the door, Outside looking in, But you don't hear me knocking, And i wanta get in so bad... link 1 saved me from here|Save Me

[Jan. 10th, 2005|02:37 pm] [ Feeling: | anxious ] [ Noise: | Seether-Fade Away ] Track 7:My First Second Chance This is something new to me, You're the first to notice, All the things i do, The first to give me more, Than a simple minded thank you, My days were black, With a tint of grey, The sun went down, At the end of the day, The words you spoke, If only for a moment, Mended the heart that broke, And gave me blue sky again. Chorus: I only hope, You stay the way you are, Feeling low, You raised the bar, Even though you were feeling down, You still took time to notice me... There's the ones who taunt me, And try to call themselves my friends, There's the ones who feel an anger, And try to take it out on me, You've never done this... A week and a half of bitter days, And one light shined through, That light was you, Chorus And your sense of humor, Your smiling face, Set my heart at a calming pace, The words you speak, The things you feel, Though it's hard i believe they're real, And though i'm scared, And feel alone, And i stop believing in love, And feel like nowhere's home, I feel like life's a pointless fight, But you saved me from myself, If only for one night, Chorus I can only hope, That this new beginning, Never ends, And when i feel i can't You'll make me sure i can, And in return i'll be your supserstar, Without the good looks or the expensive cars, Inside the rough exterior, The dark eyes that look to kill, I keep a space in my heart for people like you, That nothing else could fill, I'll be your best friend, The one who always cares, Never lose,never fail,never fear, Here to listen and dry your tears, Let your emotions take over, Scream all you feel, Curse the whole world, Pretend it's not real, Even if i get the worse of you, I'll never let the world serve you defeat, I'll hold your head close under my shoulder, Where you can feel my heart beat, It beats for you... link 2 saved me from here|Save Me

tis a new year. [Jan. 4th, 2005|04:38 pm] [ Noise: | Korn-Another Brick In The wall ] it is a new year,and in all sincereity,fuck the world.i'm clearly bored and so i am updating this.the last time i updated was the 22nd,so i'll go from there.on the night of the 22nd i headed over to joel's house.joel is cool.we didn't go a whole lot,except i stayed up until 530 in the morning playing need for speed underground on his xbox.and so the next day i woke up around 1230 and i took him to do his papers.but you see,in the neighborhoods he does his papers in,they had not plowed the foot and a half of snow that was on the ground.i took a look at it,analyzed the situation,and decided that my car could take it.and indeed it did.we kept pressing on and going uphill in a foot and a half of snow,at points where the car would be moving about 2 mph but the speedometer says 50.yes,my car hauls ass.so then we went and got some mcdonald's and went back to his house and watched some movies,and we went to the mall.at the mall we saw his friend jamin,and we also hung out with Denise some and then we went down and talked to Angie and also ran into Ayesha.it was tons o fun.and then i came home,and on my way home,i went sliding down M5.the oakland county road commission is horrible.they left M5 is a condition i would label as "shit" and thus i hit what i would describe as a "pile" of snow and my back end came around and i went sliding.i,as you should,let go of the gas and kept all the brake and the car practically fixed itself.christmas eve i went to my grandma and grandpa's house,and that was mucho fun.christmas i just sat around the house all day.then on the 26th,all of the fun started.me and duane went up north,and rented our snowboards...and i'll finish the rest later cuzz anna wants to reaaaaaad... link Save Me

[Dec. 22nd, 2004|09:51 pm] *~*Choose a band and answer only in titles of their songs.*~* Earshot 1. Are you male or female: Someone 2. Describe yourself: Rotten Inside 3. How do some people feel about you?: Get Away 4. How do you feel about yourself?: Headstrong 5. Describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Ordinary Girl 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Wait 7. Where are you?: This World 8. Where would you rather be?: Nice to Feel The Sun 9. Describe what you want to be:Asleep,I Lie 10. Describe how you live: Tongue Tied 11. Describe how you love: Not Afraid 12. Share a few words of wisdom: We Fall,We Stand 3 Doors Down 1. Are you male or female: Kryptonite 2. Describe yourself: Loser 3. How do some people feel about you?: Not Enough 4. How do you feel about yourself?: Life of My Own 5. Describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Duck and Run 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: So I Need You 7. Where are you?: By my Side 8. Where would you rather be?: The Better Life 9. Describe what you want to be:Be Like That 10. Describe how you live: Down Poison 11. Describe how you love: Smack 12. Share a few words of wisdom: Let Me Go 3 Doors Down (2) 1. Are you male or female: The Road I'm On 2. Describe yourself: Going Down In Flames 3. How do some people feel about you?: I Feel You 4. How do you feel about yourself?: Dangerous Game 5. Describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Sarah Yellin' 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Ticket to Heaven 7. Where are you?: Away From The Sun 8. Where would you rather be?: When I'm Gone 9. Describe what you want to be:Changes 10. Describe how you live: Here Without You 11. Describe how you love: This Time 12. Share a few words of wisdom: Running out of Days 12 Stones 1. Are you male or female: Eric's Song 2. Describe yourself: Broken 3. How do some people feel about you?: Open Your Eyes 4. How do you feel about yourself?: The Way I Feel 5. Describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Fade Away 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: In My Head 7. Where are you?: Home 8. Where would you rather be?: Running Out of Pain 9. Describe what you want to be:Soulfire 10. Describe how you live: My Life 11. Describe how you love: Crash 12. Share a few words of wisdom: Back Up 12 Stones (2) 1. Are you male or female: 3 Leaf Loser 2. Describe yourself: Lifeless 3. How do some people feel about you?: Bitter 4. How do you feel about yourself?: Far Away 5. Describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Shadows 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Stay 7. Where are you?: Waiting For Yesterday 8. Where would you rather be?: In Closing 9. Describe what you want to be:The Last Song 10. Describe how you live: Shadows 11. Describe how you love: Photograph 12. Share a few words of wisdom: Speak Your Mind link 1 saved me from here|Save Me

[Dec. 18th, 2004|03:19 pm] [ Feeling: | accomplished ] [ Noise: | Seether-Gasoline ] Track 6: Puppet Show what the hell have we been doing? Torturing ourselves, Saying things that we don't mean and, Damning ourselves to hell, I just wish you knew, I still exist, Or could you just pretend, Could we just pretend that... chorus: That we never said things that we didn't want to hear, And that we never made mistakes, Could we, Not pick out every flaw, And force ourselves to see that, Maybe we're not perfect, Maybe we're not right, Maybe it's so pointless, All the nonstop fights, Or maybe, We could just pretend... Could you pretend that, anything i did was a damn bit of good, could you pretend that i ever made you happy, and maybe i'll pretend that you ever cared about me, Maybe i'll pretend that you didn't always doubt me, Or that i meant anything to you, can we pretend... (chorus) Can we pretend, All in all i wish we didn't have to, I wish you could honestly tell me, That you cared about me, ANd didn't always doubt me, And i meant something to you and i did you some good, I want the truth, But i don't want to have to say goodbye again, So if we can't do this right... Can we pretend? link Save Me

[Nov. 29th, 2004|06:26 pm] [ Feeling: | aggravated ] [ Noise: | Earshot-Wait ] Track 5: Who Can? You do us no good, When you don't even try, We fall apart, I fall into the sky, It seems like it'd be easy, For us to get back, But you don't care, And i'm left wondering what happened, (chorus) And i don't want, To try anymore, But i fight despite that, And i fall against my own wishes, When i can't help myself, Who can? You're so well off without me, Who do we associate? It'd be so easy to love, Why do we hate? You've got so many others, I don't even have myself, And i feel so confined, The lone box in the warehouse, Of empty shelves, And i'm left wondering what happened chorus who can, save us from ourselves, who can, save us from the living hell, when all we have, and all we know, is what we can't who can? link 3 saved me from here|Save Me

[Nov. 26th, 2004|11:16 pm] Track 4: Christianity Observed The radical Christians say, That if we're confused, We shouldn't be listened to, Are you trying to tell me, That if i'm confused, I can't be Christian, Just like you? Don't you dare, Try to tell me that, I'm not saying, I'm the greatest disciple, Or my faith is amazing, But don't try to tell me, What i am, I am what i am, And you don't decide that, (chorus) This is real, This is how people feel, We don't need someone to tell us, What's wrong or right, We need someone who's got our back, In each and every fight, This is what people need, Something to vent, They need the truth, Someone who feels like they do, Don't censor us, You think life is censored? I don't want to listen to, Someone who acts, So unaffected, I want to listen to someone, Who knows what they're talking about, Not someone who makes up stories, Or creates reasonless doubts, You jsut don't see, How life is, It is what it is, And you don't decide that, chorus I can't help, But be confused, I can't help, But be amused, By how meaningless, You are to me, We'll keep running our course, And you don't decide that! 'cause... This is what's real, This is how people feel, we don't need someone to tell us, What's right or wrong, This is a movement, We'll keep going strong, This is what's real...and it always will be link Save Me

Still kill the old way... [Nov. 25th, 2004|10:14 pm] [ Feeling: | aggravated ] [ Noise: | Your mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ] liz kept bitchin that i should update about me....hey guess what..racing's over...my job is over...oh yeah,my halloween party sucked...the Anberlin,My Chemical Romance,Lostprophets,Story of the Year concert was good...(that was back in october)....let's see..November....George W Bush Rocks!!!!!!!! John Kerry got owned!!!!!!!!!!And all the crazy democrats flee to canada!! yay!!!!hmmm.....so this week in my life..kelly hates me,tina hates me,and a couple hundred other people hate me.the hoobastank,three days grace,letterkills concert was awesome....get up out my relish!!!!!!! D.A.R.E.=Drugs Are Really Excellent.so today was thanksgiving.....yeah....thankful for this..thankful for that...of course i am...doesn't mean i think i have a future...racing is going nowhere,music is going nowhere,college is a waste of time...seems my only two options...are the military..or death...maybe they go hand in hand... link 2 saved me from here|Save Me

Check this out!!!!!!!! [Nov. 25th, 2004|09:45 pm] [ Feeling: | accomplished ] [ Noise: | Korn-Make Me Bad ] Track 1:The Monster (Epidemic) Exhausted, From all of this waiting, This patience is fading, I just can't win, I'd changed for awhile, I became better, Now I'm Changing Back, This Isn't Forever Hypocrites and liars, Make Accusations, As i fall apart, They rub it in, They torture this heart, Until it's non existent, They they despise the monster they've created, (Chorus) This monster, Show no signs of stopping, Tears at walls and foundations, It rips it all away, It scares and it frightens, It raises the question, Of when and how it will die, And what scares me the most, Is knowing it might not, Surrounded by people, I've known for such a long time, But do i really know them, Know what's on the inside, I know all the faces, Know all the names, But we've never talked, Never took the chance, Never risked a new friendship, It's been going on forever, With me,you,and the next, We've created beliefs, That will keep us from knowing more, But these beliefs,they're not true We're ignorant.. Chorus Exhausted,impatient,tortured, so lost,so confused, condemning myself before i have a chance, It's human nature, Why do we condemn ourselves? Don't we have any faith? We're all so lost... We're all so lost! We can't fix it, It's an epidemic We can't break it, It's a habit that is neverending, We fail to see our own lost future, We try to pretend that we have found ourselves, But we're still lost... Track 2: Hell on Earth Looking at the lives of other people, Wondering how they got where they are, How'd they get so lucky, How'd they get so far, did i do something wrong? was i born in the wrong place, deadly questions for the ages, torturing and tearing, all at my own pace, (chorus) Will i fix it, Will i stay this way forever, Will i survive, Will i get anywhere, This is death, Death inside a life, This is pain, And these are, Everlasting scars... Feeling Lost, I know there's a way out, But it hurts when i can't find it, And i wonder, If my time may run out, If i find it, Will i know how to handle it? Or will i make mistakes, And fall back in again, I wish there wasn't always something, That i have to regret, I wish that something could go right, And maybe just once i could win, I know i have some faith somewhere, Or else i wouldn't be able to keep control, And i criticize myself about my faith, I'm not hot or cold, Just lukewarm, This and that and all the other questions, Create a deafening,blinding,storm, chorus The questions neverending, I can't make them go away, The confusion keeps on coming, I'm more scared every day, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to be, This is like a hell, a painful eternity, this... is hell on earth. Track 3: Circus (Seizure) I wear this smile, Not knowing what it means, Or why it's there, Why have i created it, How was it created, It's some necromancy, That i have no control over, I'm not content, So why the smile, (chorus) I'm the master of disguise, This mask creates, The person i despise, This is fake, This is bullshit, This is nothing real, I'm content now, But i wear a frown, My face is stern and cold, Is this acting, Is this just an attempt to look bold? I trick everyone else, I almost trick myself, almost doesn't count, is that true? chorus I write these words, They sound so dark, So much darker than what's real, Why does this happen? Am i incapable of true expression? Are these writings just a toy to empty myself? chorus This is strange, Like a clown, A funhouse mirror, Multiple Faces, Multiple Forms, Vision deterred, It's the violence of a storm, Sight and sound mix, Contradict each other, Falling in, Falling out, So much doubt, Falling out,falling out,falling out....!!!!!!!!! link Save Me

[Oct. 13th, 2004|08:35 pm] [ Noise: | Breaking Benjamin-Away ] tuesday i came home from missouri,worked the rest of the days,skipped the assemblies at school.friday was the homecoming game,kelly came with me,and the rain was awesome,it was cool.and i don't feel like writing more now,i'll get into the rest later. Cold am I I'm beside myself Because there's no one else Have I grown So blind Only god could save you If you knew your way to the light So fly away And leave it behind Just stay awake There's nowhere to hide I see you Cause you won't get out of my way I hear you Cause you won't quit screaming my name I feel you Cause you won't stop touching my skin I need you There coming to take you away Frail and dry I could lose it all But I cannot recall It all wrong Don't cry Clear away this hate And we can start to make it alright So fly away And leave it behind Return someday With red in your eyes I see you Cause you won't get out of my way I hear you Cause you won't quit screaming my name I feel you Cause you won't stop touching my skin I need you There coming to take you away I see you Cause you won't get out of my way I hear you Cause you won't quit screaming my name I feel you Cause you won't stop touching my skin I need you There coming to take you away link 2 saved me from here|Save Me

[Oct. 4th, 2004|01:20 pm] [ Feeling: | full ] [ Noise: | Nickelback-Throw Yourself Away ] Evan is my best friend for a day. Baby's born on a bathroom floor Her mother prays that it'll never cry But nothing's wrong you've got your prom dress on When they ask you'll say "it isn't mine" You know there gonna know you lied Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? You know there gonna burn it down Wash my, hands of this You notice how god ain't even helping you out You notice how god ain't even helping you Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? You know there gonna burn it down So keep the way you're feeling anonymous And hide it all until the day you die Your secrets safe, at least you thought it was You can only keep it for a little while And now you're terrified Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? You know there gonna burn it down Wash my, hands of this You notice how god ain't even helping you out You notice how god ain't even helping you Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? You know there gonna burn it down Baby's born on a bathroom floor Her mother prays that it'll never cry But nothing's wrong you've got your prom dress on When they ask you'll say "it isn't mine" Damn you for thinking we would never know And damn you for thinking we would never mind Only reason that you made it this far You never asked him, but you never tried Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? You know there gonna burn it down Wash my, hands of this You notice how god ain't even helping you out You notice how god ain't even helping you Why the hell don't you throw yourself away? You know they're gonna burn it down link 4 saved me from here|Save Me

there's a playground. [Oct. 4th, 2004|01:18 pm] [ Feeling: | devious ] [ Noise: | Nickelback-Figured You Out ] i went down to the playground.i slid down all three slides.and then i went back to the one with the twists and turns..and i put all my feet and arms down...and i slid through the twists and turns slowly...and i looked at the clear blue missouri sky at all angles as i slid down.MISSOURI IS WONDERFUL.and i got to the bottom and looked to my left,and i could see buildings on a hill,15,20,miles into the distance.so i went over to the swings to see if i could get a better view...but there was trees in the way,so i kept swinging and getting higher..thinking..maybe,i'd be able to fly.you're right,i'm emo. I like your pants around your feet I like the dirt that's on your knees And I like the way you still say please While you're looking up at me You're like my favourite damn disease And I love the places that we go And I love the people that you know And I love the way you can't say no Too many long lines in a row I love the powder on your nose Ooooh And now I know who you are It wasn't that hard Just to figure you out And now I know who you are It wasn't that hard Just to figure you out I like the freckles on your chest And I like the way you like me best And I like the way you're not impressed, While you put me to the test I like the wine stains on your dress And I love the way you pass the check And I love the good times that you wreck And I love your lack of self respect While you're passed out on the deck I love my hands around your neck And now I know who you are It wasn't that hard Just to figure you out And now I know who you are It wasn't that hard Just to figure you out I love your pants around your feet And I love the dirt that's on your knees And I like the way you still say please While you're looking up at me You're like my favourite damn disease And I hate the places that we go And I hate the people that you know And I hate the way you can't say no Too many long lines in a row I hate the powder on your nose And now I know who you are It wasn't that hard Just to figure you out And now I know who you are It wasn't that hard Just to figure you out link 5 saved me from here|Save Me

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