| MEANINGS OF COLORS | |||
| 09:54am 03/09/2004 | |||
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BLUE- Peacefulness and serenity. Slowing brainwaves as you meditate away your sorrow and woes. Skies filled with endless possibilities and several lifetimes of adventures. The warm flame seen flickering amongst the fireplace logs. Never ending country roads resting beneath a broad expanse of blue eternity. Salty tears streaking pale complexions as a conglomeration of sodium infused liquid runs in rivers down reddened faces. PURPLE- Magic and mystery. Stars twinkling by the thousands in the heavens as the sun sets and the warmth fades once again. Puffs of smoke and magicians performing magical feats. Calmness encircling neighborhoods and fear vanishing. Curiosity expanding and taking a new form. Wonder never ceasing. Streaks of beauty marring a sunrise painted on the vast expanse of God's great canvas. Forgiveness. Prayers answered without a word being spoken. GREEN- Nature and Life. Rejuvenation as the glittering snow dissipates and the first breath of spring air is inhaled. Rolling down grassy hills and giggling over the joyous victories of capturing fireflies. A new beginning. A time to right wrongs and fix mistakes. Morning dew on waxy-leafed plants. Sunshine smiling down on the face of earth and warming the chilled air. Flowers blooming before your very eyes. New life being carried from plant to plant by a gentle breeze and busy honeybess. A time to love life and forget its secrets. RED/ORANGE- Rage and frustration. Pulling out hair in handfuls and screaming until virtually all oxygen is depleted. Anger slowly building until nothing can be seen save for the pain and hatred oozing out of your every orifice. Hate being spewed from every pore and frustration being taken out on those you care for. Bleeding hearts and massacred valentines. A picture shattered and unable to be fixed. Broken fragments of the soul drifting with no crystal clear destination. Blood spattered by violent force and sinful glee. Fire burning everything held dear into ashes at your feet. The spark of evil in their eyes. Chilly autumn nights and October sunsets. Pumpkins carved and placed on porches to grin eerily at passerbys. Leaves swirling in the breeze and blanketing the dying grass and hard ground beneath the hibernating trees. The glow of the sunset and surfacing childhood memories. The warm glow of street lamps illuminating the peaceful streets as darkness falls. Solitude and rest accompanying the neon glow of a single flickering flame as you read by candlelight. Comfort. WHITE- Sterility. The smell of disinfectant and ound of mops swishing across a linoleum floor. Complete silence. Then the mutterings of patients aimlessly wandering the hospital corridors, attempting to loosne the restraints on their straightjackets. Nurses in labcoats sticking you with needles that cause you to drift to a far away place. Doctors who tell you they are helping but are really only greedy for the money. Nothingness. A blank sheet of paper. Years worth of blank diaries; turning pages of lost memories. Blank minds and empty thoughts. Pureness. Untainted flesh. VIOLET- Purple's more mysterious cousin. Seducing and sensual. The seductress of all colors. Beaty enhanced by mystery; the ultimate temptation. A color unique and indifferent. Original and apathetic. A lustful color. Looking to slate its hunger with something more meanigful. Clings to the physical but longs to have so much more. Tobe intertwined with the emotions. A need to know love and to feel love and recognize it for what it is. The color of Confusion and self doubt. Of dominance but second guessing. A color that means love but is afraid of it. BLACK- An empty void. Absolute lonliness. Darkness enshrouding the deepest, darkest recesses of the soul. Mystery encroaching upon simple human curiosity. Agonizing death; bodies writhing in pain; facial features twisted and convorting. A fleeting shadow across the cement wall of a desolate alley. A quickening of the heart and coldness blanketing your entire being. Fear tearing your insides apart and sadness murdering your mind. A guilty conscience pleading. Blood congealing in a puddle in a darkened corner and smeared across cob webbed windowpanes. Dust and dirt streaking the insides of a dilapidated house where human feet haven't trod in years. Stooping figures seen out of the corner of your mind. A bump in the night that goes unexplained. People screaming as they're perpetually tortured. A nightmare that makes you wake up screaming in the dead of night with a feverish chill and goosebumps adorning your flesh. Horrifying images haunting, plaguing the inside of your head. |
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| New Conspiracy...inspired by Steph's latest xanga update. | ||||
| 07:31pm 15/08/2004 | ||||
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amused| Why oh why wasnt I killed in that hurricane? | ||||
| 06:08pm 15/08/2004 | ||||
Mom starts taking college classes in the fall. she wants to be a dental hygienist because it looks like Scott may never be able to work as a truck driver again because the damage his knee sustained was too much so mom wants to get a substantial job so that she can support us. christmas' are going to be very slim from now on. I feel really bad. We'll be getting 5000 dollars less a year then we did before Scott got hurt. And thats a helluva lot for a 6 person family that didnt make much money in the first place. =sigh= I dont think I'm ever going to get corrective braces for my nasty crooked teeth and overbite. i'm so tired. My head hurts. I would go to bed early except I've still got a book report for english and i want tos ee about working on my articles for newspaper. Plus I have an algebra assignment...though i rpobably wont do it because I just dont understand. gah. Im working my ass off and I'm still maging to get behind already. and tomorrow is only the 7th day of school. =kicks self= We watched a movie called Sybil today about a woman with multiple personality disorder. True story. Oh my God, guys..it was so sad. Sally Field is a freaking amazing actress. i loved her in this movie and in Steel Magnolias. Greatness. Yeah...Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot but Sally Field is the much better actress. I dont even like Zeta-Jones accent anyway. Where's the edge? Its too feminine. Well I best be heading on out. Gotta check my email and throw myself back in my work so i can eventually gove Chelsea a call back and then talk to Justin later tonight. Love ya'all! |
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| hmmmmm.... | ||||
| 09:50am 15/08/2004 | ||||
We finally got out Trib. subscription going again. It showed all the damages to Punta Gorda and said that if we would have been hit like we were supposed to, then Tampa would have been destroyed worse than there. I live in Hillsborough county and the paper said that if we would have been hit...Hillsborough county would have been pretty fucked over. I'm SO glad it took a turn. Nut I feel bad for the places it DID hit. I hope everyone gets their lives back in order soon and as painlessly as possible. I have another day of homework stretched out before me. What fun. =sigh= I've got to get this done. Tomorrow I have to ind someone to help me with 1-3's Algebra and then i seriously needto get my ass on that interview. The roughdraft is freaking due like thursday. Gah. The closer this deadline approaches, the more nervus i get. I hope that I do a great job and dont buckle under the pressure and stress of this editor job. I need to prove that i can be competent enough for the editor in chief position. You guys have NO idea how badly I want that job. Oh my Gosh. That would be the ultimate way to sowcase one of my only skills, writing, in high school. And It would look fabulous on a college transcript. Especially since if i decide not to head into forensics, i would take the journalism road instead. thats right people. I need to make some decisions here soon. I love law enforcement. But I love writing. (ANd dont give me that, I dont want to WRITE about law enforcement) thoughts please!!! |
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busy| Philosophy From Yours Truly | ||||
| 07:19pm 14/08/2004 | ||||
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| Mental Exhaustion | ||||
| 04:06pm 14/08/2004 | ||||
I spent yesterday doing three things: sleeping, watching movies, and doing homework. I watched Nightmare on Elm Street which made me have nightmares for a week the first time I saw it but doesnt make me flinch anymore. We watched MIB too. good times. Gotta love Will Smith in a suit. I worked some more on that AP world History ID project. That thing is going to be the death of me i swear to God. Ive spent hours on it already and Im not even halfway done. I have to finish up the Id cards, do the timeline, and do the piraatees chart. Today I worked on it for a little while and then i spent 2 hours gathering research. I spent half an hour looking up stuff on www.vh1.com for my feature article for the newspaper. Then i collected pages upon pages of information regarding mesopotamian and ancinet egyptian social and gender structures for my comparitive essay due next wednesday. My rough drafts for my two articles and my column are due the 20th and i still have to get my interviews for the School Choice and come up with an angle for The VH1 clip shows Feature. I have an ad blitz thingy on Monday so I wont have too much time to spend on homework. I'm going to have NO LIFE this year. I told that to Justin and he asked how he was going to fit in then. I'll make time to see him If I have to forfeit a homework assignment or two. Speaking of Justin...I called him last night and he was in the middle of a game of trivial pursuit with his family and he asked me if I could call him back at 11. But I have a cold and Ive been really tired the last couple days so i fell asleep early last night and didnt call him back. I feel realy bad. i hope he doesnt think its something that he did. I would hate for him to think he did something wrong. yeah..so anyways. Im so nervous. i have a newspaper deadline for the article rough drafts coming up and not enough info to start writing them yet. And the sad thing is, I've actually been working my ass off and not procrastinating..especially when it comes to the newspaper. I'm scared to death of missing any deadline because there are consequences and I have to set an example as an editor. Plus i want very badly to oneday soon be the editor in chief. I want to do a kickass job. so anyways..wish me the best of luck people..and ideas for an opinion column are greatly appreciated. I can pretty much write about anything that I'd like. well..ill update some other time. laterz. PS. Sue Elmers glue and their LYING!!! They tell you that the glue stick goes on purple and dries clear but it ACTUALLY goes on pink and stays hinted. |
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stressed| hey | ||||
| 10:40am 13/08/2004 | ||||
I was thinking yesterday about my depression and anger issues and i wondered why anyone would ever look up to me. Yes, Chelsea, i cant understand why you think that I am strong when in reality, I'm very weak. I cry when I cant change things. And I grow depressed. And I break down. And I let others destroy my spirit and take advantage of me. I'm not strong in any way. I could have shattered the mirror with my fist...but i vow to do someday..but i thought mom wouldnt particularly appreciate it. Yeah, so hurricane Charley is a level three and is supposed to hit at 2 this afternoon. A few countuies have been evacuated, supposedly half of my own too. I'm not that scared realy. I went through that tornado back in Nebraska. But its a bit nervewracking that we're getting directly hit and my parents refuse to lsiten to my advice to tape up the picture window and seal the doors. So I hope I'm not impaled by flying glass...hah! Wouldnt that be ironic? Missy called me last night o reiterate several times about her oncoming death. Her area has been evacuated but her dad reduses to leave so she's convinced she, her family, and her dogs are gonna die. They'll be just fine. Yeah...I am feeling a bit better emotionally. I took a nice, long, hot bubble bath, lit some incense and a few candles. Then i grabbed a romance novel and read for an hour or so. But I'm tired of giving out my heart and having it returned to me mutilated. I'm tired of caring so much about people and so little about myself. And I'm tired most of all of being betrayed. if one more person that I care deeply about betrays me, I'm going to literaly lose my mind. I'm going to have to be locked up. because I cant take this anymore. i just cant. I cant handle it. in all aspects of my life. I'm tired of being betrayed by friends (namely Chelsie) of boyfriends (yes, you Brian...I know you cheated on me and the real reason hy you dumped me) and my family (my father, my stepmother, my step grandma, and my mother at times). Its killing me...and I dont think anyone can take more of my emo poetry. lol. Dont forget me.... |
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confused| A Look Inside My Own Head | ||||
| 06:43pm 11/08/2004 | ||||
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drained| yep.... | ||||
| 07:09pm 10/08/2004 | ||||
Color Coded my newspaper notes today...im finishing the rough draft lay out of pges 3 and 4. i have two stories to write and a column to write. =twirls fingers in air= majorly bogged down with work. wont be updating nearly as often or as eloquently. school is stressing me out some. I'm sick but I think its purely stress related because im not running a fever. too much. Ap world history is killing me. Chem's gonna be hell. Im gonna inadvertently blow up the science lab. watch me. tired as hell. Im not getting the sleep I need. Probably going to bed early. Must pen some more poems soon. no sappy love shit. real poetry about my frikkin' stressful life. gotta go...being bombarded with IMs. check my livejournal occasionally for quotes ppl's. much love. Your scary neighborhood "Goth", Daylina |
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| yep.... | ||||
| 06:42pm 09/08/2004 | ||||
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Lad there...now thats thats over with... I cant stand my parents. I officially hate them. Mom and I got into a fight earlier because she found out I emailed KC back. And she screamed at me and hit me and told me that she had told me not to email them anymore. No, she told me not to reply to Chelsies last email. I didnt put my word in with KC. Now we got ina huge fight ebcause she told me to stop chatting online and I told her i was updating my journal. She tld me thatw as the same thign as far as she was concerned and that my journal was stupid and meant nothing. my journal is more important to me than most things in my life. And Scott started going ona nd on about how silly and petty me writing in my journal was and how it was completely redundant and dunmb. i fucking hate them. i fucking hate them. I'm never fucking speaking to them when i'm an aduly and I'm not living in goddamned Florida as an adult if this is where they are going to reside the rest of their pathetic hateful lives. I HATE THEM!!! First they tell me i need to be lokced up ina psych ward...then they tell me i'll make a terrible forensic scientist. now they're dissing my only creative outlet in life. They have completely turned everything i know and love against me. They make fun of everything that I am and evrything that i want to be. How can parents be so cruel? School was a bore. I nearly fell asleep in chem again. We had this equipment tes thingy...yeah. Newspaper was fab as always. We handed out story assignemtns for the first issue. In additon to my column and lay out deal, I have to write ana rticle on the "I love" Shows and then do a news storie about School Choice. I didnt really want to get stuck with the latter but marcus asked me if I could do that so i complyed. I never want to disappoint him. Next Mondat afternoon/evening we have an ad blitz. It should be a lot of fun. Law Studies was fab as always. Monroe told us another crazy law int he state of Florida "It is against the law to have carnal relations with a prcupine." The sad thing is, in order for a law to exist, especially one like that, somebody had to have tried it. =shudders= poor porcupine... 4th period SUCKED ASS. Ap World History is killing me. Semester exams PLUS an AP exam? craaaaaap. And the homwork and assignemtn are kicking my ass. Its not really hard stuff....just majorly time consuming. and we actually have to memorize the shit. Oh joy. 5th period was horrible. wE are still reviewing the same shit we learned int he 8th grade in alegebra 1. booooring. And the teach scares the hell out of me. Shes like "very good!" I'm surprised she doesnt give us a pat on the head and toss us a dog biscuit. 6th period is by far probably my favorite class because I love English, I love Workman, and I have some friends in the class. Its all around greatness. last period is of course the dreaded spanish. mwahahaha. the teach is cool but the kids are a pin in the ass. =shakes head= goddamn wiggers!!! so anyways...ve had a terrible day and I would really like NOTHING MORE than to run down to the park and hang myself froma tree...but again...I must think of the small child that would find me...how horrible...=runs to get rope= |
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| stole from chelsea's LJ | |||
| 05:53pm 08/08/2004 | |||
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What would you do if: I cried: I asked you to help: I was becoming suicidal: I killed myself: I died from natural causes: I said I liked you: I kissed you: I started smoking: I stole something: I was hospitalized: I ran away from home: I got in a fight and you were there: What Do You Think About My Personality: Eyes: Face: Hair: Clothes: Voice: Humor: Choice of music: Mannerisms: Family: Would You Be my friend: Tell me the truth, no matter what: Lie to make me feel better: Spread rumors about me: Keep a secret if I told you one: Loan me some cash: Hold my hand: Take a bullet for me: Keep in touch: Try and solve my problems: Love me: Do me: 1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 6. What's the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish I was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it: 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in one word: 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think I'll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. When's the last time you saw me? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you? |
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| yeah.... | ||||
| 05:47pm 08/08/2004 | ||||
So anyways...after the service, Will and Ness came over and we hung out. After a while, we walked down to the usual place, the park, and talked about the same shit we always do. Which would be anything comletely private and embarrassing. We talk about personal issues like we're discussing the weather. No blushing, no circling around the issue. Its all point blank and highly matter of fact. I love it. I love talking to the both of them and not ever worry about what I say and/or whether it will be told to anyone else, becase i know it wont be. i never have to worry when i talk to them. And I can ask Will anything about anything personal and he'll give Ness and I advice. I think these conversations will definitely NOT be appropriate to relay back to the grandchildren. And I wont ever go into detail about the things we discuss because I wouldnt give away anything any of us have done thats extremely personal. Thats stuffs for the paperback journal. I mean..I'm for the most part an open book but theres some things I just wont discuss...unless of course its with Will or Ness. Soa nyways...I dont realy have anything to talk about. I'm kinda just "surviving" each and every day...mostly crawling out of bed and barely making it through each hour. Its not really that my life is so horrible...if its horrible in any way, its horribly boring. Every so often something amazingly exciting happens ands its great fun...but its always temporary. Everything is just ok. School is ok. Home is ok. My life is ok. I do have to admit theres two amazing things in ym life. I dont have many friends, but the ones I do have are SO awesome. They stand by me through thick and thin and are always there to talk. There are four people who know pretty much EVERYTHING about me: Will, Ness, Chelsea, and Mark. And I will love them til my dying day. Then the second thing would have to be my bloming relationship with Justin. Its the first relationship where I was pretty good friends with the guy first. And we have been talking for months. We have SO much in common. We are both equally kinky. We can have intelligent conversations on so many levels. And we're not even dating yet because we want to take things slow and make sure we're right enough for each other to actually date. And he wants to ask me out in person. He's a pretty cool guy my lovelies. I'm excited to see how this whole thing turns out. But pretty nervous too because I always screw up the relationship somehow. Anyways... so I guess I'll update later if I can think of anything intelligent to say or anything philosophical to discuss with the rest of the world (Or at least with the very few people who ACTUALLY keep up with my entries.) btw...the people whod o keep up with my entries...I would REALLY like to know who you are. Please. I'm serious. =eye twitch= I think I'm gonna think of some weird thing to sign off with. I'll just do this for now. Your Psycho, PMSing "goth" Chick, Daylina omg!! i just found out Andrea was badly hurt in a car accident. Everyone pray for her! |
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cranky| hmmmm.... | ||||
| 09:15am 08/08/2004 | ||||
This morning I have curch. Its an Apostles service which is something special becuase usually majorly important guys like an Apostle dont have the time to preach to a small congregation. This will be the first time in the history of the New Apostolic church in Tampa that hes come. I invited Will and Ness so they will be here in just a little bit to hitch a ride with us. I really wanted to invite Justin to finally meet him but I didnt want to make him deal with Tommy and he also said he was going driving today...so I guess im just going to have to wait a week or two to see him. =sigh= I hope I dont kill someone ina fit of frsurated rage before then though. so anyways...Mom is yelling at me to make my bed. Earlier she screamed at me for the blouse I was wearing. She said I needed tow ear a white one. (Its fucking white) but she told me the one I was wearing was IVORY. Whatfuckingever. White is White. Geez-us. Get a life, Mother. Fare thee well my lovelies! |
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disappointed| now for sme fun ness | ||||
| 09:01pm 06/08/2004 | ||||
got a name, any name:: Day to most DayDay to Chelsea i hear you have family:: unfortuanately ever done any jail time?: nopers.. whats your astrology sign?: sagittaru=ius your school or place you work:: i try no specifics here so...no go ladies and gents..ask me in an IM play anything?: violin..and learning guitar want to play anything?: guitar...really well though any furry/scaly creatures you own:: 4 cats do you have a goal in life?: to find true lovr Ok, so about your inner urges.. have you ever killed anyone?: no do you want to?:YES. Chelsie and Victoria would you ever hire a hitman? *honesty, please*:hmmm..yes, but I'd prefer to kill them with my own two hands and laugh while they suffer. if you could have sex with ANYONE (man or beast)famous ppl...joey jordison and catherine zeta jones YOU MUST CHOOSE (and explain, if ya want): love/money?: love...the most important thing in life sex/cuddling?: cuddling...considering im a virgina nd i dont know any better... honesty/humor?: holy shit. you pushing my bittons? i cant choose! truth/dare?: truth AND dare fast/slow?: so are we talking about the progression of a relationship or sex here? slow for a relationship..and well... heaven-hell/reincarnation?: umm..heaven eventually...realms first...hell is nothing more than the second death... jeans/khakis?: khaki =shuddersa= ill take jeans anyday rock/rap?: rock..rap SUCKS skittles/m&ms?:chocolate! obesity/death? sadly enough...death. I'm vain, arent I? Let's take apart your inner psyche.. Have you ever been in real take-your-breath-away love?: i dont believe that kind of perfect love really exists... Have a bf/gf? Want to?:not currently..but im not so sure i deserve anyone nor do i belive im the right sort of person to date anyone. Ever been heartbroken?: hell yeah... Are you suicidal/homicidal?: suicidal at moments Do you take anti-depressants?: not yet... Any bad childhood experiences?: my fathers verbal abuse and non=allowance of friends Get along with you parents?:not very well at all... What do you want to be remembered for?: being a good friend and never being afraid to be myself And finally.. beloved favorites: ok lets do it... Favorite movie(s):: only a few are: The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Crow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Spiderman movies Soft drink:: Sprite Clothing:: if i must sterotype myself for descriptions sake...gothic dress style Jewelry:: leather laced dog collar, handcuff necklace, one handcuff earring, one cross earring, random assortment of bracelets Instrument:: electric guitar TV show(s):: dont watch enought tv to say... Book(s):: omg..now its Ironman Magazine(s):: that cosmo one...the one we all gigggle and blush over like stupid little middle schoolers... |
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| look at this... | ||||
| 03:59pm 06/08/2004 | ||||
I need to get my piece in before I cut you out of my life forever. I have cried for years over our disinigrating friendship. When you were here...you constantly had to keep in touch with your friends back in your pissant town. But what happened to us? We were once closer than you and those losers. And when I moved...did you call me every day? did you try to do anything to keep our friendship alive? no. instead, we try to do you a favor years later by getting you out of that hellhole and you repay us by dragging us into hell with you. These months you lived with us were miserable. You made our lives a living hell. And even KC was an angel compared to you. We got you out of that town to keep you from getting pregant or getting addicted to drugs. And now you're right back where you started. For the record., I think your father is a miserable prick and I hope you end up with a life just like his. I hope to God that every day you live is filled with unhappiness. Here's some food for thought: 10 years from now...I'm going to be a famous forensic scientist, solving cases with the FBI and appearing often on Court TV...while you're bouncing 3 kids on your lap and channel surfing, you'll see me and wish to God you were still a part of my life. You're numerous husbands will probably abuse you, where I'll be perfectly happy and in love. I hope you make enough to money to support your kids working at McDonalds...because thats the only place you'll ever be qualified to work at. you're going to be a loser just like your father, Chelsie. And you told Dachelle that the decision you made made your family happy as well as yourself. Have you seen your Mom? Do you care what she thinks or how she feels? Do you have any idea how much she loves you and was just trying to do what was best for you? Heres a slap in the face from your good friend, reality chica. Your father only wants you to make your mothers life miserable. And thats the sad truth. He'll deny it of course. But you'll know its true deep inside. I hope you can live contentedly with that bit of handy information. Meanwhile..I'm going to work at the tampa police department and attend my FBI seminars. By the way, my color guard won state competition, 1st place. And I made the national team. See Chelsie? Its called making something of yourself and doing important things with your life. Important things like helping the world, not getting drunk at parties and having sex with older guys. So remember this when you cant sleep at night...when you're staring at your blank, paint peeling walls and wondering hwere your life went wrong. Remember that once upon a time you had true friends who would stay by you through thick and then and fight for you by your side. Remember everything we did to help you in life and show you how much we loved and cared for you.Not anymore. I dont give a damn about you anymore. I wish you misery for all the misery you caused my family and I.I'm more your mothers daughter than you could ever hope to be. And Ipromise to love her and treat her with respect, unlike you, you two faced, back stabbing little bitch. And heres something to pass to your friends, straight from someone who used ot love you: keep your legs shut and you wont get pregnant, you uneducated prisses. I dont care whether you reply or not to these email. But remember who my friends are. If you go to far, I have no problem taking it to the tampa police and charging you with harassment. Have a nice life...on the other hand, dont. -Daylina You know what?? I dont care about your family or you or anyone down there. You say your going to end up having this perfect life and im going to have a miserable one well i can garantee this to you...I am going to make something out of my life and have my friends with me all the way. You say you guys were my TRUE friends...Thats bullshit....True friends wouldnt be sending this kind of shit to each other,.they would accept the fact that there friends are happy.And just so you kno my mom knows about your little secret...hahaha....And I do know how my mom feels.I know i hurt her. But she hurt me just as well...She thinks shes to good for me...Maybe she is...Who knows but i dont care about any of this shit.Im happy, my familys happy, and my friends are happy thats all i care about...And just for the fact of you callin me a little bitch...your a bisexual freak...NASTY!!! I wish hell on your mom and Scott everyday just for the fact that i HATE them with pasion...Now I guess I'll wish it on everyone down there...Good bye FOREVER BITCH!!!! (IF YOU HADNT NOTICED...CHELSIE IS TOO STUPID TO MAKE REAL SENTENCES AND COUNTER EVERYTHING I SAID) From KC... hey daylina i dont no why you are calling chelsie the bitch becuse you are the bitch and your dad will never match up to my dad so you no what have fun at flordia i wont be there you are so stupid and you should just ezzzzzzzzup but thats in posible for you ...................tell reene that she is not ever going to be my aunt becuse she is nothing than a dirty child abuser thats 1000% true and scoot call me names just tell him if i was going back to flordia that he would be in a fight well dont even bother wrighting back becuse i dont want to talk to you i hat e you go to hell........o. From me to KC... listen here you stupid little bastard...you dont know what your talking about..and i know you didnt run away...you were hid you little asshole. your father is a dickhead and you can tell him i told you that. And please remind chelsie every day of your life how much I hate her. Shes a stupid bitch...i would know the two of you are realted after hearing the first word out of your mouth. if you email me one more time ...im reporting you to the goddamn police...and your west virginia police are igorant IDIOTS unlike our police here who actually know how to investigate. your daddy doesnt give a shit about you. and you deserved all the names scott called you you prick..you threw away all my little sisters toys. guess what? i pored your incense oil down the sink so you know no linger have any. hope you all die to the rest of the world. by the way..my mother never abused you..she stood up for you you little fucker. dont email me again or ill report you for harassment. if you people want to send me emails..have your father send one directly to me and ill report him too and he can go to jail like he deserves to. have a nice drugged up life littke bastard. (I WAS SO ANGRY WHEN I TYPED THIS THAT ITS NOT AS WELL WRITTEN AS MY LETTER TO CHELSIE AND SEVERAL THINGS ARE MISSPELLED) |
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| 03:35pm 06/08/2004 | ||||
I got an email from KC, Chelsies brother saying how I was a bitch and Chelsie wasnt and how he would hurt my stepdad if he was still in Florida and that my mom was a child abuser. All kinds of bullshit of course but oh my God guys...it made me so angry. Im so angry I'm literally seeing red. I'm so angry that nothing is going through my head right now except a vicious red smokescreen to veil all my others thoughts and push them beneath the surface of my subconscious. I dont want to die anymore...no...i want to kill... Today was a good day up until this point. We started work in our classes and I have Alegebra 2, English 2, and AP world History Homework. I hung out with Will at lunch and I am now officially his love slave. All hail the gay guys of the universe. Its sad really that gay guys are so amazingly sexy. i mean...these chicks have no chance with them. hahahahaha. I put in my ID request form thingy and paid so I get to pick up my ID on Monday. Then I stopped by Student Affairs about my locker and was told I'd have to deal with Mr. Boddie. =shudder= I hate his fucking guts so i decided just to share one with Dachelle. all our shit fits in there anyways...i have all my school supplies now...even this uber cool foldable ruler thingy. And this year was the first time since elementary school that a glue stick was on my list. My Law Studies teach asked if mayeb I could bring someone in form the police department for a lecture or something...coolio..ill talk to Mike about it. My world history teach is nice.just kinda....odd. But hey, I respect that. Mr. W is fucking hysterical. He asked if my shirt was black velvet and told me it was beautiful....weee! somebody has FINALLY commented the sheer beauty of black velvet. I wish that beauty would rub off on me though... Chem was so boring that I fell asleep while the teach was going over lab saftey procedures and equipment. Geez-us. We learned that shit in IPS. Newspaper was KICKASS. we brainstormed all kinds of stories for this months paper and I wrote them all down. i plan on watching the news tonight before watching that new forensics series. Then we have to go to the airport at midnight to greet Nicki. Ill be exhausted in the morning because of the detail ill be doing with the explorers...but oh well. oh yeah...i got out of 7th period spanish today because of this big CAPS thing we all had to go to to be lectured by Big Red. Then all the classes took pictures. DAchelle actually sat by me the whole time and did it of her own free will! I felt so sad at thatb assembly ish thing...i dunno why...so thenw e went back to the locker, got our shit and mom picked us up..then she ran to 7-11 and got them slurpees and me some beloved chocolate...a Twix bar. yuuuuum. (oh! I sound like a Furby!) so anyways...this entry has no point really...yeah...oh! everyone in english got peeved because of this report we had to write and i got three pages done in like 15 mins and ims till not even halfway finished because theres so many ideas spilling into my head even as i write this. I'm gonna type it up so i may or may not put it here...depending on how it sounds all together when im through. so laterz guys...ill update tonight probably. |
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pissed off| I Think Something Is Wrong With Me | ||||
| 08:31pm 05/08/2004 | ||||
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| First Day of Sophomore Year... | ||||
| 07:18pm 05/08/2004 | ||||
Homeroom was perpetually long. seeral teachers were being waited upon to turn in their attendance in the morning. So the morning classes were shortened just a bit. First period was interesting. My chem teacher is nice...a little kooky but nice. 2d period was rockin'. Newspaper, though i felt a little bit intimidated by all the upperclassmen in the class. I'm glad at least one lower classmen, Will, was there. And I'm mroe nervous about this class than any other class the entire year. i dont want to disapooint anybody, fail, and let Mr. M down. I'm terrified of my job...confident that i will do well if i learn the stuff. But terrified of learning it too slowly. 3rd period was Law Studies. The teach wasnt the one i wanted but i'm glad i got him. His first impression didnt well....impress me too much but now I really, really like him. He stands up for what he believes in and fights without ever giving up. i admire him. 4th period is AP world history and I swear to god that the teacher has some slighty crazed, obsessive compulsive chick. She brags about her IB program graduation from KIng. Well if shes so damned proud about that, why doesnt she teach at King? maybe im just jealous and bitter though...then we braked for lunch and Dachelle actually ate with me! She wouldnt let me hug her in the hall but she did allow herself to be seen with me at lunch. i feel all special-like. %th period was Algebra and the class is full of freak. Its a small class though which is a VERY GOOD THING. i can leanr better and sharpen my math skills. 6th period is engligh and it was coooool nbecause Workman teaches my class and I freaking love his quirky, dry sense of humor. he makes me laugh so hard I cant breathe. And thren he puts on his serious face and you just want to laugh harder but you cant because your internal organs are already poking out through your abdomen ebcause your ribs finally cracked and broke the skin from over-laughter. 7th period is spanish and i got Morales. she's really strict but nice. The class has about 40 kids in it though. not even enough desks. We'll see how that works out this year. so...yeah... Anyways...two things I wanted to make note of. Firstly, props to will for not giving a shit what people think about him and finally acting like his true self. I'm proud of him and thrilled that he's one of my best friends. I hope to god thought that nobody acts like an jerk and needs me to kick their ass because one wrong word about Will and I'll be tearing the place up. Dont EVEN diss the people Daylina cares about. Secondly...well...t was almost liek things were awkward between Mark and I, which i totally understand and respect if he wants to keep a lil bit of a distance. hE should probably hate me anyway. I just hope that we'll be able to be god friends and talk in person more like we do on the computer. yeah... so anyways...i guess thats all i have to say for tonight, at least regarding the first day of school. Let me leave you with this. If that slutty little bitch says ONE GODDAMNED WORD to my face or behind my back about me..I will kick her chubby, ignorant, clown faced ass into next week. The little shit freshman saw me today and I saw the challenge in her eyes...it was the same look she gave me two years ago last time i saw her. She will have fun this year with me breathing down her neck...oh yes indeed.... |
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grumpy| heh.... | ||||
| 03:06pm 04/08/2004 | ||||
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| I Want To Die | ||||
| 12:34pm 04/08/2004 | ||||
Mom caught me crying after I got another email from Chelsie and came in screaming and demanded to know why i was so upset. She told me to either tell her or to let her read the email. I couldnt say it...so i pulled up my email and ran into my room sobbing...then i heard mom slam the keyboard back as she finished the last sentence. Chelsie told me she had told her mother about "My little secret" and that I was a Nasty bisexual little freak. Mom then dragged me out of my room and slammed a chair down, made me sit, then demanded in her half-yelling voice why i thought i was bisexual and if i found myself attracted to woman and if i had ever kissed a girl. I couldnt lie. I told her i thought that i was. I told her i was attracted to woman. And I told her that I had kissed Kristen. She told me that mine and Kristen's relationship was over and we were no longer allowed to contact one another or spend the ngiht at one anothers house. The she told me i was full of shit and it was just my hormones and that there was no way possible that i was bisexual. She told me NOT to explore the gay side of life and screw myself up. Then she gave me this whole freaking lecture about how im a teenager and I dont know what I feel. Thats the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard in my life. Then I told mom i didnt feel any better and apatheticaly went back into myoom to talk to my Da, who had just called. Then Nicki called and apologized over and over for Chelsie's betrayel. Nicki had called the other day to talk to me but I wasnt there and she asked DAchelle if there was ever a secret about me relayed to her or chelsie and confidence and if there is she would know about it. Well, dAchelle misunderstood and told Nicki there was no secret so Nicki thought maybe that Chelsie had been spreading lies to hurt me. They werent lies though. And Mmom reatced the way that uncle arthur said she would react. She didnt believe me. She basically toldme that theres no possible way i can understand my feelings just because ima hormonally wacked out teenager. Someone please PLEASE kill me...Im begging you. I want to die. I want to die!!! |
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