± Fresh Produce ± Mapped Yams ± Fellow Fowers ± Farmer ± Old Produce ±The facts Known as: Ali First contact: Dec. 4 Gender: Male cleverly diguised as female... aka: not girly girl ±Blah Instrument: Clarinet Animals: kitty & dog Favorite Authors: Garth Nix- Orson Scott Card- Terry Pratchett- Michael Hoeye- William Nicholson- Tolkien- Robert Jordan- Mercedes Lackey- Rowling Books: Do you really want me to go into that? Broad hobbies: Art of every form- especially ceramics- reading- exploring- htmling- design aspect to almost anything- lazy bumming (wait...) Broad intrests: Manga- Anime... errrr Movies: LOTR- Gormenghast- Amelie- Smoke Signals- (anything Miyazaki) Food: Rice & Feta± Fresh bread ±Of the Moments* Color: Orange Obsession: The Wheel of Time series Character: Frost Desktop: X/1999 Desktop colors: greens Read: Lord of Chaos: Lamb- the Gospel According to Biff Most recent movie: Kikujiro Anime: Naruto Sub-anime: Wolf's Rain- FMA- Cowboy Bebop- eh, other stuff I'll share once I'm connected to cable and I can download it Manga: Naruto Sub-manga: One Piece- Shaman King- Blade of the Immortal- Mars Actors: Patrick Steward & Ian McKellen Alter-ego: Phoichique Projects: Short, 15 page manga± unique-ify my school stuff± Some ceramic gifts± Make some winter clothes± Work on drawing skills Personal character: Einar Sketchbook: Hard bound- sexy- black- needs to be decorated. (9"x12") Media: Mechanical pencil, seperate eraser thing, and Sakura inking pens (yay for laziness on not coloring!) Does the list go on?: Yesh. *:Subject to frequent change ±Random Oddities Favorite characters: Naruto- Shikamaru/Neji Harry Potter- Lupin Sabriel/Lireal- Mogget Discworld- Death Gormenghast- Dr Prunesquallor Blade of the Immortal- Anotsu Artemis Fowl- Artemis (love that vampire look he has going on) Angel's Cancer- Angel Loyal Chaos- R'kar WoT- Matt Really, really wants right now: Wireless router- newest Blade of the Immortal- TABLET- Copic markers- orange ductape ±Contact Info. Email: ellywocket (at) alanna.zzn.com AIM: Snegila DeviantArt: [link] To be site: Ignorant-Ninja Dead site: Chicken Flavored Fried Chicken Dying LJ: Mali	±Something new was scribbled on the 5th of March (2004) 10:50pm+ Well, this would be Goodbye *blinks and looks around blankly* What a bunch of crap. The only thing this... journal has done for me is make my relationships more uncomfortable, make me more insecure about my emotions, and give horrible ways of escape from the real world. I'm gonna go out with a bang, so don't read this if you don't want angst. Wow, don't even need to think of a topic to start the rant with. I've got one right there. "Don't read this if you don't want to read it." Do people actually stop reading when they get to the warning? If anything it's like a disclaimer. "I'm gonna bitch and there's nothing you can say because I've warned you." Which goes along with the whole online journal concept. Online journal? It's like an oxymoron. At least for someone like me. Journal's are for expressing deep emotions and deep emotions are... deep. No shit. They shouldn't be typed up in two seconds and posted all over the internet for some 11 year to read and toss aside. And that's exactly what happens. You make your scene, you bitch about your friends, they bitch back, things are made worse, and you neglect the journal. And then you remember it and fall back on it when you can't. handle. who. you. are. Journals are almost like religion. A net to catch the losers. The people that can't explain their emotions. That can't kind a true way to express what they truly feel when they're having an honest conversation. Perhaps that's what being a nerd is. Being socially inadept at explaining the self. We analyze others and call ourselves superiors because all those "normal" folk are so stupid. But at least those normal folk can talk to others about their normal emotions. It’s kinda funny, I've had a brilliant week. This just isn't some late night angst when I can't sort out my own mind. This is the result when I have a chance to ponder. I'm sick of coming here to unload, totally at the will of a some random friend who might read it and might not read it. That's not the way I want my friends to find out if I'm having a problem. I'm out, thanks for the horrible, deceptive, times deadjournal. ±Something new was scribbled on the 16th of February (2004) 08:54pm+ n____n That cranky icon is da' bomb. 3 accidently plucked yams | Pull a weed! 08:47pm+ sadjkgaskdfjghskajd I HATE GEOCITIES. So, I've been totally wasting my day looking into more RPs because I really need to learn how to RP properly so I don't make an ass out of myself at Shastina. And it turns out about two thirds of the fantasy RPs out there are geocities AND GUESS WHAT SITE IS DOWN! God damn. This is one of those moments when I start acting like my mother and stop listening to common sense. Whew, I think I'm done now. Before geocities managed to act like an ass I was able to sign up for an RP and get accepted. SAI AND MAI! It's based on the faerie sex books! Unforunately it's rated PG-13 or something, BUT it's pretty detailed and... other coolness. I think I pissed the owner off though. *sweatdrops* Signed up for another RP, which is sadly lacking interesting characters. Well, no, that's wrong. It has characters with personality, they just need to be... awakened. So I have high hopes for my character. With these two new RPs I've fallen back into what I know best, and am doing joke characters. Not really joke characters, but not the calm and collected sorts. There's a couple other's on my list, but I'm reluctant to join more as I don't really know what it's like to manage 3 RPs at once with school work. Lesse how this turns out. In one ear- Out the Other: crankyUp? Down? All around!: cranky In one ear- Out the Other: Deep Forest: Made in JapanUp? Down? All around!: Deep Forest: Made in Japan Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 14th of February (2004) 07:40pm+ whooo-eee Fifteen and a half hours of sleep! Booooyaka. So basically I haven't done anything all day long. Went over the my grandmother's for dinner with my parents. I love strawberry cheesecake. The only reason I went was for the cheesecake. Apparently there was some person that was living there who had started losing her mind and had started wandering. And when they start wandering they have to switch them to other facilities, because the one my grandmother is at doesn't lock doors and such to keep them in. In some cases where old people are living by themselves they go wandering and can't be found for awhile and I just got this great story idea. Old, wandering, crazy man who gets found my a teenager... I don't know, it sounds really cliche, but I'm sure there's some aspect I can add to it to make it original. A story to worry about another day. I still can't believe I completely wasted today. Well, I did re-watch FMA and put together some origami balls, but that only took up a couple hours. I've noticed that music has become a big part of my life. And with dancing I've found I like to dance much more. Not DDR dance. Dancedance. Oh yeah, Thursday morning I just threw this huge fit. I'd finally reached my limit on there NEVER being any butter. Someone would use the last of it and not put a new one out. So I just threw this fit and insisted on not eating breakfast. It felt really, really, really good. I laughed about afterwards and it wasn't that I was really mad. I think I wasn't a fit person when I was little so I'm starting to let some of it out now. I hate being logical all the time. I'm gonna go and watch some more FMA. In one ear- Out the Other: contemplativeUp? Down? All around!: contemplative In one ear- Out the Other: Fleetwood MacUp? Down? All around!: Fleetwood Mac Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 13th of February (2004) 10:04pm+ What Creepy Anime or Supernatural Anime Being Are You? This week has been way to long. In one ear- Out the Other: exhaustedUp? Down? All around!: exhausted Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 11th of February (2004) 04:12pm+ w00tw00t CLEANED A BATHROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE! Well, that was on Sunday, but it's still fresh in my mind. My mother decided to get rid of our cleaning maid (we're not as rich as that makes us sound) and start cleaning the house ourselves. They're paying me about $25 a hour to do a good job, and my mother hopes to... bond. *sighs* I ended up cranky and just wanting to get it done, but she has this whole method worked out she read from a book about speed cleaning. Usually I'm the one going to my mother looking for comfort, but recently it's totally been switched around. I don't think I can be a good parent. Whenever she just wants to talk I have a really hard time not blowing her off. Poor mommy. She's getting old so everyday there's at least 3 parts of her body aching. Like, should go to a doctor. The pain just makes her cranky and she's been constantly nipping at my father and he really doesn't know how to handle her. It doesn't really bother me because I know they just need to get it out, but I feel bad when I can't do anything to help. The last couple times I tried to step in to calm things down I made everything much worse. It's pretty amusing, this week is a funraising week at my school. So all that school spirit is going on, and me, being as competative as I am, am totally getting into it. Unfortunately all the Sophomores have seriously pissed the school off. I guess winning and being snobs pays off like that. In the Role-play world I've found I'm making it unenjoyable for myself. Definately too controling. When other characters have responses I don't want them to have I get cranky. Silly me. But recognizing the problem for me is usually 80% of the work, so I should be doing better soon. Got two new Deep Forest CD's from the library. Been rocking out. And a friend of the family met my mother the other day for a walk and my mother came home with this mini-black and white TV that the friend had given her to give to me. So now I have a mini-TV right next to my bed. I feel very... technilogical. NEXT for a tablet. I made $30 cleaning the bathroom so at least I'm going somewhere now. I'm doing Solo Small Ensemble Contest again. I really don't like the stress of performing, but it's required for my private teacher. I like the piece I'm playing though. Which is not something I can say for all the pieces I'm playing. Unfortunately I'm stuck the school's choir director for my accompionist. It really reeks. I hate the man. I really do. He's the biggest arrogant snot I've ever ment. I have never heard anything good come out of his mouth. A girl in my class is willing to accompany me, but I have to find a way to switch my time from afternoon to morning and let them know I'm switching accompionists. I don't if it can be done. It's a month away and I'm already stressing out. I really don't like musical contests. It's not what music is about, maaaannnn. So, I'm in dance now. Doing some interesting stuff. I don't think it should be called Dance though. It's more like "creative movement." By the end of the class I'm sure I'll be a graceful dancing machine. JUST KIDDING. I'm probably one of the worst dancers there. Only makes the class more fun though. Knowing you aren't going to be able to do something spectacularly the first time is pretty encouraging to just go ahead and do it. Laugh if off if you screw up. I really need to learn to go to bed on time. I've gotten better about waking up on time, but getting my nose out of the book is much more difficult than it should be. I just keep on typing and typing. People keep telling me that the most recent Peter Pan movie is actually pretty good. I'm having a really hard time finding that believable. If possible I think my spelling abilities have decreased this year. Although I did have a vocab quiz today where I wasn't hesitant about a single answers. That doesn't say much. I've been finding that having a throughough understanding of topic matter is no way reflected in what grade you get on a quiz. For me anyway. Wow, Deep Forest not only turns my pages, but burns my book. I'm gonna go crash now. Do something mindless to get myself ready for private lessons. In one ear- Out the Other: tiredUp? Down? All around!: tired In one ear- Out the Other: Deep Forest: Made in JapanUp? Down? All around!: Deep Forest: Made in Japan Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 4th of February (2004) 02:38pm+ siiiick I overloaded my weekend and now I'm sick. I usually don't mind being sick, but I'm starting to get nervous when I think about what I'm missing school wise. I just finished Fugitives and Refugees by Chuck Palahniuk. If you haven't read it, go read it. It focuses on Portland and just it's overall quirkyness. It's a quick read, but totally worth it. I've added tons of to-do's to the list and I can't wait to check out some of the places Palahniuk mentions. Hmmm, sounds suprising like a sales pitch, no? So, to finish lamely and go back to wallowing in bed I will add: go read it, it's good. In one ear- Out the Other: sickUp? Down? All around!: sick In one ear- Out the Other: blehUp? Down? All around!: bleh Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 1st of February (2004) 09:19pm+ Uuuuupdate 101 (not spell-checked) I guess over all nothing big has been really happening in my life. I have no clue where the weekend went. Yesterday I had to run around Portland looking for all the Lacrosse gear I will ever need for the cheapest price possible. It can be quite draining to sit in a car for 5 hours and listen to your parents bitch back and forth like little kids. Got home and I was supposed to go over to Chloe's house, but we got home too late and my mom wanted me to clean the house today. We fired our cleaning maid... Makes it sound like we have money, no? So, now I'm supposed to end being responsible for the house's cleaniness... Yeah right. So instead of cleaning today (my mother still hasn't collected all the supplies we need), I did homework and then went to go see a movie. Big Fish was much worse than I thought it was going to be and much, much better than I have expected. I guess I had thought it was an enitirely differnt sort of movie than it was. I'm not one fo enjoy crying my eyes out in public... but I tend to do it anyways when a movie is sappy. For some reason I'm a real sucker for that kind of stuff. I realized the other day that I really haven't done anything I can be proud of lately... No cermanics. No advancements in sketches. No website layouts or color changes because I don't have a graphics program on my new computer. Hopefully I can get around to doing something soon. Maybe when I do the colors for my angst journal I'll feel better. Hmmmmm, not much comes to mind. I'm gonna head over to amazon.com and see what books I want to buy and see if the library has them. Ja. In one ear- Out the Other: discontentUp? Down? All around!: discontent In one ear- Out the Other: Edo burned CDUp? Down? All around!: Edo burned CD 1 accidently plucked yam | Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 25th of January (2004) 01:01am+ ehehehe: lucky you After about... 2 seconds of thought I have decided to create an angst journal/blog so people have an option of if they want to be tortured or not. In other news: Finals are over but they have left me a raging ball of stress. I hope I can get over it... usually it takes me a really long vacation. Edo had some friends over today as a kinda... birthday party I guess. More like DDR party, but I had to leave somewhat early because of whiny, insecently annoying parents that can't me flap my wings. OBSESSION NEWS: *drools* Ed gave me about 6 CDs. Wolf's Rain and Full Metal Alchemist, and I am having the bloody time of my life. I'd rant about them, but a parent has just come in and, quite literally, yelled at me. I don't like to act like it, but I do learn my lesson. I'm gonna go colapse now. In one ear- Out the Other: exhaustedUp? Down? All around!: exhausted In one ear- Out the Other: Wolf's Rain: OSTUp? Down? All around!: Wolf's Rain: OST 1 accidently plucked yam | Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 20th of January (2004) 08:30pm+ Blast from the past So, I guess I never told my high-school crowd about what happened to me in middle school... And I guess I still don't want to. Threee page story cut down to a couple sentences. I lost probably the only person in the world that made me feel comfortable being social. Lost a friend. Whatever angst you want to call it. I lost her and I thought I was over it. So, spurred on my Chloe I went to go check out her livejournal, and not only to I find myself... forgotten, I find her unhappy. And it just is like... a huge smack in the face. Like, who I used to be. You know how there's always that one kid that always stirs the shit? The one that can take any comfortable situation and just fuck it all up? Yeah, that's who I was, and through thinking about it, that's who I still am. At least 5 times throughout the day I find myself totally pulling myself back. Stop myself from poking. Stop myself from making those kinds of comments. The kind that already fucked a friendship. I can't tell if I've changed... or I've subdued myself. If I've crammed myself into a box, and am not allowing myself out because I'm afraid to drive my friends away... to drive people away. You're probably thinking: "Ali in a box? What a bunch of crap. She has one of the most explosive personalities I know." Is having friends knowing when to keep your mouth closed? Is having friends keeping a lid on the wild side of your personality? Am I supposed to feel completely comfortable with my friends? There's this... dislocation in my life. Ever since 8th grade. I thought by making new friends this year I had finally passed that... but it's still there. This sense like I'm missing something greater. While I was reading the journal of my old friend I realized what it means to angst. For me anyway. I like digging into myself. I like figuring out what my doubts, and hopes are. And when I dig I dig for sadness. I dig for what's wrong with me. And I want to let myself out of the box. Who cares if my mind is cliche? Who cares if I can't spell. Well, everyone. And that bothers me. I'm always trying to please someone. Parent's with grades, grandparent's with clarinet skills, SMA friends with my wit, Ed with my drawing, Chloe with my personality. And it's not like people ask that of me. It's almost like I feel responsible for giving it. Am I trying to make up for something? Am I a greedy person? I feel like my dog. Pure-breed Shar Pei. Dumb as a... gerbil. I feel like him. Content with running around the back-yard and occasionaly getting to yip at someone walking bye. I know there's a greater world out there. I know if I can just get through the fence I can make it out. But when I make it out I only go down the street. I only go to eat the neighbor's cat food. And I want to run for the free-way. I want to go the mosque and scare the Islamic children, and even then I know there's more out there. Get in the car and I can get in the bus. Get in the bus I know I can get on the airplane. The airplane? What about a rocket? And it's all storming in my mind. There's something out there, past the stars, and I can't reach it. I'll never reach it. Or will I? Is happiness there? Is death there? I don't think I'll ever be content. The stars won't b e enough. I'll want to see the universe. And what's past the universe? I've decided that I'm not going to even study for my physic's final. Only ten percent, why should I bother for something I'm going to fail anyway? Is this what it's going to be like? Am I going to continue to lose spirit? Will one day getting out of bed not be worth it? How soon is that? How soon till I grow fat and old. Till I get diabetes. Till all I can do is bitch, and bitch, and bitch. Be forgotten by technology, and stranded in memories. How long do I have? If this is the prime of my life why do I feel so pathetic. Amazing how reading 5 journal entries can do this to me. In one ear- Out the Other: ClanadUp? Down? All around!: Clanad Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 15th of January (2004) 08:46pm+ more... Congratulations! You're Elrond! Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you? brought to you by Quizilla Allllll too true... ish Pull a weed! 08:23pm+ Bloof You are an Erinea Teyotshey! What Teyotshey Dragon are you? brought to you by Quizilla Trying to get rid of angst. Don't mind me. Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 13th of January (2004) 10:39pm+ Breaking the cycle? Oh! I realized why I've been doing those uber long, weird, angst post thingies. I've been going through a writing block! (no, I don't consider this journal writing) I haven't been able to write something coherent for awhile now. I just finished an English paper, and I think I've finally broken through it! (I only spent about 4 hours on a 2 hour paper). Back to the point: so in some weird way I was trying to compensate for my lack of ability to actually write by ranting here. Hmmm, it seems I'm still not quite over the block. Everything I seem to type seems awkward. On another note: I'm not much of a clothes person (at all), but Tina got me this awesome (orange) cookie monster shirt. Blue and orange are one of my favorite color combinations, and as reluctant as I am to fall into the whole Sesame Street thing (I can rant about his later) I really love it. Hmmm, That was exhausting. That much girliness from me really takes energy. Well, talked to my Journalism teacher today, and I think she's taking my coping out much better than I was expecting. I should try to go to bed now. Niiiiight. In one ear- Out the Other: creativeUp? Down? All around!: creative In one ear- Out the Other: Cowboy Bebop SoundtrackUp? Down? All around!: Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 12th of January (2004) 10:46pm+ oh, bleh. (not spell-checked) Watch Ali work her ass off all day. Watch Ali not have not a single second to do what she wanted to till 8:00 PM. Watch Ali use that free time to do homework that she's neglected to. Watch all crap out when she's almost made it. Fammit... I thought I'd gotten back in the grove. Why is it that my interest is gone that quickly? Three weeks of no school, and by the end of the first day I'm out. Being a teenager I guess. I wonder if one day I'll be able to accept that this is my angst journal. Oh, crud. Sad Cowboy Bebop song. Bad time to rant. Well, on a note people might care about: I went to an information meeting to join my school's Lacrosse team. I guess it should be fun. I just won't have time to do anything. Eh, today in band my temporary music instructor suggested that I join MYLS... or something like that. I know it starts with a M... its for kids that more of a Band experience outside of what their school's can offer. Or for good people to go. As Patty. Patty was in it. Anyway, I guess I was kinda shocked. I'm surrounded my people that have been playing the piano for like, 11 years, and often I don't feel like I live up the... standards. So when that kind of thing pops out I'm always suprised. Well, juding from my last post it seems that I now find comfort in typing mindless words where people can read them. I find it interesting that I don't even think about half this stuff until I write it down. I really should stop linking this bugger... I don't want to stop talking now. I really, really, really don't want to. Ah, I know, I can talk about my nightmare last night. First you must understand that I don't remeber about 99.9% of my dreams. If even that. I can count on one hand the dreams I can remember and I've only had one nightmare. Well, two now I guess. I'm still kinda startled by it. You always hear about nightmares where someone is at the mercy of some unknown evil force. Running, falling, and so on. Mine is killing. Only I'm not the one being killed. I'm the one killing. If you came to my house (which I am not inviting you), I could point out the exact area where I was trying to. A girl from my school. Strangling her. And she just wouldn't die. And she looked at me and asked me why, and I realized I didn't know why. But I didn't stop. Finally she lay still, and a friend of mine comes my end of the house, and asks me of everything okay's because the animals are "disrupted." They're clawing frantically at the door to get out. Almost like they're terrified of me. And I try to lead her away from the dead body, and I don't feel any remorse. Just nervousness. And I wake up. And I know it doesn't get any more cliche than this, but: What does it mean? I like the girl. She's one of the few people I can connect to on a spiritual (or spiritual hating if you will) level. I have never felt anything bad towards her. Never felt frusterated with her like I have with all my friends. Let's see if I have another one tonight. Nighty night. In one ear- Out the Other: shockedUp? Down? All around!: shocked In one ear- Out the Other: Cowboy Bebop SoundtrackUp? Down? All around!: Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack 2 accidently plucked yams | Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 11th of January (2004) 04:48pm+ ^____ Nothing much to say I think. Just spent the night at Charloot's. Bleh, tired, and I have to go back to school tomorrow. My mom has three CSI DVDs so I'm trying to rush through homework before they're due. Well, I was. Now I'm not. I think I've done this before, but here's my nick-name analysis. I really don't like my full-first name one... Your first name of Ali has made you a hard worker with a meticulous sense of detail. You have a great deal of patience and independence, and you can be relied upon to complete your undertakings. You could be inventive along scientific or practical lines. You are stable, trustworthy, homeloving, and logical in practical matters, but rather unresponsive to suggestions from others. You resist change. When I first read that last bit about change I thought it was rediculous, because I go crazy if things don't change. Take my room for an example. If I don't do some sort of re-arranging or decorating three months in a row I go crazy. Like, somethings under my skin and it can't get out. Same with classes. Full year classes are hard for me, but at the same time, I guess I really do resist it. If I'm not ready for it. I don't really know considering I'm 16, and I haven't really been shoved into a change I don't want. Moja is calling me. *stumbles off to get yelled at* In one ear- Out the Other: blahUp? Down? All around!: blah In one ear- Out the Other: Cowboy Bebop SoundtrackUp? Down? All around!: Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 8th of January (2004) 11:46pm+ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Your Fandom Fate by WolfPilot06 LiveJournal UserName: Your Fandom Fate: Became a Manga-ka and created your own manga Created with quill18's MemeGen! Pull a weed! 06:25pm+ ^_____^ Schedule of the week: Monday: HAHAHAHAH, we are having school. You're all wrong! I'm cynical. I'm working on it. So shoot me. Monday afternoon, my clarinet got canceled because everyone was terrified of the weather. Went home, watched Naruto for too long, and then did about 2/3 of my homework. Tuesday: Woke up, felt like shit, because I still had homework to do. Mother came in and told me I could sleep in because of "snow." I was too tired to question. So I wasted Tuesday doing nothing as I learned after logging on that I didn't have school Wednesday. Wednesday: learned fairly early on that I didn't have school Thursday so I wasted my day being a lard. Well, I did finally get my application for my teacher in at Shastina. I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with her. She's the herbology teacher, she's 1/3 Egyptian, 1/3 Latin American, and 1/3 something no-one really knows... but it's rumored her great something grandmother was a plant. She's the perfect picture of a teacher during the day and a absolute bitch at night. She was raised by her grandparents because her hippy parents didn't think her important enough. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the RP will crash now that I've joined it, but y'know, it was worth a shot. Thursday: I got up at 8:00 because I've put off hanging out with Charlotte since Tuesday because I'm a lazy bum and didn't want to sit on the bus for 4 hours. But she was still asleep (she told me she would be awake) and so I crashed again. And then when I woke up I talked to my mom about going over to her house and she did her little freak out thing, and I couldn't go. >___< Poor Me. I'm working on another Application for Shastina for a student, but the house he's in is pretty generic and I'm trying really hard to not let him be the typical angsty teen. I'm trying really, really, really, really hard. Speaking of RP's I think I killed the Naruto one I was in because I was so weighted down by school. I thought I was just taking a break, but I think I killed it and I feel bad. (NOTE TO SELF: even if you don't feel like and you're post will be crap, do it anyways, and save people's sanity). With my new computer I'm finally able to play Furcadia to myself. Before it was hard to jump on and off my mother's laptop, and RP at the same time. But so far I haven't had the energy or willingness to wait to actually get in some good RPing. I've been resisting playing FF Tactics all week because I'm really scared I'll get hooked, and my grades will continue to plummet. You know, I really am a moron. I will never learn that the best way to go is get crappy grades at the beginning of the year, and then go up. Parent's like that. They don't like it when you get a 4.04 and then drop. I'll never learn. >___< Unfortunately the teacher's at my school predicted that we might not have school so most of my teachers gave us homework to do while we were supposed to be relaxing. Of course I've put that all off today. Unfortunately I was in such a hurry to get of school on Monday because I was getting a ride I forgot two of my books I had homework. Fortunately most of the homework I can copy, or act like I read it. The only thing I really have to do is some physics which is basically finding the answers in a book and copying the answers, and finish a math project that was due 3 weeks ago. SAFFY, I LOVE YOU. *glomps* Everyone meet Saffy. Saffy meet everyone. Saffy is my new best friend. Well, I now have a DeviantArt account. [link] I think I originally got it to actually comment on other people's art, but as I've looked around today, I feel like it might be okay to put some of my sketches up. I hate to sound full of myself, but some of what I do is much better than what other newbies are doing. The only problem is I have to get off my ass and draw more than one sketch a month. The thought of getting more than one person's feedback (thank you Edo) is enough to convince me to go for it. But I think I'm going to wait till after finals so I can adjust to my new schedule. Ehehehehe, Tuesday and Wednesday I re-read all of Naruto. And have been hooked into the Orochimaru and Kiba obsession. I also have new hope for Sakura. I would elaborate, but either you've heard it before, understand, or couldn't give a crap. I'm psychotically angry at Steph because she has Wolf's Rain. *sobs* Steph, if I have sex with you will you let me watch all of Wolf's Rain with you? And there's Ed with her Full Metal Alchemist. But I won't have sex with you Ed because you are my ed-Lesbian lovr. Sry. ^____^ Oh yeah, I was talking to my dad about just having a hard connection to cable instead of getting a wireless router. Apparently my father could run a line underneath the house and just hook me up, but can you have two computers hard connected to the same line? For some reason I think not, but when I think not I can't really explain myself. I realized today that I've been putting off trying to get better with my drawing skills. I'm always griping about how I need Adobe Photoshop or a tablet, and I after attempting to draw Edo's character the other day I realized that I'm fairly good at drawing random body-shapes, in random cool poses, but they're all female. I really have a much farther way to go before I could really gripe about not having a good graphics package. Not depressing though. Just something to note. Still not done. For Christmas I got the coolest CD by Oliver Mtukudzi called Vhunze Moto. It's kinda classic African music, with basic modern instruments. If anyone out there knows Deep Forest it's not like that. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but it just makes me feel more... happy. I know that's not really a powerful word, but I can't really explain it. I'm sure some people know what I'm talking about. Oh! You know the opening to the Lion King? It's kinda like that only not quite so grand. The music that is. So, I think I've ranted myself dry. Not. I've realized that the best way for me to be on the Internet is to make my statement. To feel fearless and just talk to people. It's hard for me to go out of my tiny corner of the internet and realize that there are other people out there more skilled than me. I've found in the last couple of days and with talking to my mom, you just have to make your statement. Or I do anyways, or I start to feel swept away by it all. But, realizing the problem is one thing, doing something about it is on another level altogether. I guess that's part of what DeviantArt is. I love finding a problem with myself and trying to fix it. I hate it when someone points out what's wrong with me. ^____^ Part of being a know-it-all I guess. Eh, I should try to go finish my picture of Edo's ninja character. But I think this post fried my brain. Hmmm, maybe I could go bug friends. Yes, that should do. PATTY: tell me you're screen-name. I lost it. I want to bother you. Teeelll meeeee. PS: Nearly 2 page post. wow. In one ear- Out the Other: happyUp? Down? All around!: happy In one ear- Out the Other: Oliver Mtukudzi :: Vhunze MotoUp? Down? All around!: Oliver Mtukudzi :: Vhunze Moto Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 2nd of January (2004) 11:47pm+ Can't believe it NEW COMPUTER! I AM IN BLISS! IT'S MY OWN! AND IT'S NEW! I'll rant about it later. *runs off to go download programs* In one ear- Out the Other: ecstaticUp? Down? All around!: ecstatic In one ear- Out the Other: CD burned curtisy of EdoUp? Down? All around!: CD burned curtisy of Edo 3 accidently plucked yams | Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 28th of December (2003) 04:54pm+ uh oh... This is could be bad. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY INTELLIGENCE?!? It's gone. Missing. What am I going to do? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T LIVE LIFE AS A BRAINLESS HICK! !!!!!!!!!!!! ............ Oh wait. I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday. That's why I can't think and I'm in mass amounts of pain. It's the drugs! Not the fact I lost my brain. HAHAHAHAHAH. Silly me. EDO: you are so funny. You get many, many, many good things for Christmas. You make me jealous. Silly Edo. In one ear- Out the Other: missing my wisdom teethUp? Down? All around!: missing my wisdom teeth In one ear- Out the Other: Oliver MitukudziUp? Down? All around!: Oliver Mitukudzi Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 24th of December (2003) 12:06am+ ... *is in a state of absolute bliss from seeing Return of the King* Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 23rd of December (2003) 12:17pm+ Squidish Today's motto= Venting is good for the soul. From now on I will try really hard to put something up here daily. Daily. Scary word. EDO. I feel like a moron. I can't do anything with Ignorant-ninja because I can't figure out FTP. And I'm not sure when I'm supposed to pay again because I'm spacey. Spaceyspaceyspace. Shyeah. I WAS GOING TO GO SEE THE THIRD LOTR BUT NOOOOOOO. HAD TO GET IN A SCREAMING MATCH WITH MY MOTHER. After calling Glowie and went and took apart my CD-drive on my old computer because I left a CD in there, and I can't get it out because I have no way to give the old hunk of metal energy. After getting 15 out of the 16 screws out I can't get the last one out. The grippyness was screwed up. *sigh* So, I couldn't get the little bugger. Maybe I can see LOTR tomorrow with Glowie. And then again next week with Ed. I would go again on Friday... but I get my wisdoms out on Friday. I feel like I should be running around down-town doing productive things. But I think I'll just comfort myself with go spitting out a sketch or two. Have I talked about that yet? I'm trying to do a sketch a day to improve my drawing skills. I think I got to a point where I really liked what I was doing and thought I had kinda peaked the hill, and within the last month I've realized I peaked a hill but there's still a GIANT mountain waiting to by climbed. I also want to work on my writing skills. But I guess I'm afraid. Scary word. OH! I JUST REMEBERED! I got the 6th book from the Wheel of Time series the other day from Powell's. I wanna go read that now. And draw... but I prefer drawing when I can have background noise from the TV and the TV is currently occupied. Oop. Julia's home from Las Vegas. She's the Chinese Exchange teacher staying with us. *tear* She'll be leaving by next week. She's been with us since July. I'll miss her fried rice. And she's the main reason we have Comcast, and when she leaves we might have to get rid of it. Although on the other hand me mom has been telling me that she's gonna go back to work in the Spring so that money problem shouldn't be... a problem. Oh shite. I really need to post on my Naruto RP. SPEAKING OF RP'S. Charlotte and Steph hooked me into this Wolf RP which might sound lame but it was my first actual RP so I was pretty excited. BUT the person in charge decided to re-vamp the site and kept it down for 3 weeks. AND WHEN SHE SET IT BACK UP SHE MADE EVERYONE RE-APPLY. So, I'm not re-applying. I've also noticed that I have a tendency to kill RP's. Not really tendency... more like a curse. I'd go into all the RP's I've actually killed but I really don't want too. *sniff* Too many horrible memories. BUT Charlotte and Steph have a Harry Potter RP that really doesn't look horribly clique (with accent?). AND Steph just showed me a future, Sci Fi RP that looks interesting... *goes cross-eyed* I really love babbling like this. It's comforting. I've noticed that whenever it gets quiet with people I know I start singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. It's just what I do. *grins* I've also noticed that I've started to infect people with that song. Have I mentioned yet how my mother woke me up yesterday and today? By storming into my room for no reason, which isn't really that bad, I'm used to it, but what is annoys me is I'm so mad I can't go back to sleep. *teenage angst sigh* Apparently she's going to the back-people tomorrow and maybe that can do something to make the pain in her back and leg and hip less so she'll be slightly happier. *crosses fingers and squints eyes* Okay, I think I've said enough worthless things for now. I feel like saying I'll come by later today and say something more... but you know that I won't if I say I will. *grins* In one ear- Out the Other: thoughtfulUp? Down? All around!: thoughtful In one ear- Out the Other: Johnny Rzeznik- I'm Still HereUp? Down? All around!: Johnny Rzeznik- I'm Still Here Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 21st of December (2003) 11:54am+ fzbushwt? What is this concept of actually updating when I say I'm going to? I have never heard of it before. Confounding. Anywhoo. Wednesday= activity block- sleeeep. Let me sleeeep. 5th block- hate physics break- foood. 6th block- fineeee.. fineee... BAM. Dude, I don't feel to good. So I try to make it through the rest of the day, because I'm supposed to have a Clarinet performance. Well, I crap out with 30 minutes of school left and spend the rest of the school day camped outside the attedence office trying to figure out if I'm dying. So, parents prove incapable of being available when I'm actually having a problem and I end up get out of school 5 minutes early and getting the early bus home. Smart me. Didn't wear enough warm clothes. So when I finally get home I do feel like dying. In fact I thought I was dying. With not breathing and all that fuss. Needless to say, I cough my lungs out, and crash into bed. Mom comes home: BLAHBLAHBLAH. Ali= Flu. Nasty, nasty cough. Light sensitive headache. Whole body aches. My back has started hurting again. My nose is running constantly, like the way my grandma starts talking and never stops. And I have a fever of 102. Soooo, I don't go the performance I've been practicing for all year. And I miss the last two days before Christmas break which was when I was planning on giving out the Christmas goodies to my friends. *sigh* Better though. Just finished reading up to Vol. 8 of X/1999. One of the those Manga's where I don't really care for the style... At least not the style the artist draws the bodies, but I can't really put it down. Maybe because of the little drops of Yaoi... I'd like to think not, but I bet that's what it is. Upon visiting my grandmother's grave I have decided that I have a light/heavy fear of death that I need to get over. I think I'm going to start by going to the graveyard once a month. Just bundle up and go walk around. I guess I just don't want to be afraid of it anymore. NOTE TO SELF= When you become famous architect remember that you promised Emily for SMA that you would design a home especially for her if she casts you a small part in one of her huge movies. Can't go forgetting that. Speaking of movies: I'm really bummed with myself that I haven't been able to go see LOTR yet. I thought I was the biggest fan in Middle School, and I think I've come to realize that although I really, really, really enjoy it, I'm not a hardcore fan and should not take offense when people don't think I am. Hopefully I can see if tomorrow or Tuesday with Glowie. Speaking of friends. I hope I take advantage winter break and have some friends over. I usually end up being a lard butt. Well... I usually am a lard butt, but that's beside the point. Ooooooo... still sick. Cabasa es... fuzzy? Shyeah. I'm gonna go update my little profile and then eat. And then play my gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous Final Fantasy Tactics. *drools* Byyyyyyyye. In one ear- Out the Other: sickUp? Down? All around!: sick 4 accidently plucked yams | Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 16th of December (2003) 10:02am+ SHEEEEE'S... back TIME TO BREAK THE HIATUS! *looks around* Hmmm, needs some dusting. Ah, I need something to warm this place up. This'll work- Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll Your Name Astrological Sign Angel Type Angel of Peace Wing Color Dark Blue Heavenly Weapon Two short swords Created with quill18's MemeGen! Peace my ass. Well, I suppose to should do an update for the few people that might read this. School- Crazy. Only not, because it's worse than crazy. I remember last year I was worrying about how many honors classes I was gonna take, and I definately should have pulled out when I was that nervous. But we live and learn. Ooops. Time to go. I'll babble on at lunch. In one ear- Out the Other: curiousUp? Down? All around!: curious In one ear- Out the Other: classroom noiseUp? Down? All around!: classroom noise Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 30th of August (2003) 05:02pm+ Bloof. Well, Ashland was where I was and it was awesome. If you want to know some fun stuff that happened check out Ed's blog. I don't really feel like going into it. Let's see... things that have changed... I got home and we have a cable connection. I'm incredibly happy to have it, but my computer is a Windows 95 so it doesn't have the port for the connection so if I want to do something I have to do it on my mom's laptop which is fine except that I'm not allowed to download anything... I'm seriously looking into a new computer, but my parents are in no financial position to loan me money so I need to look to other sources. It would take to long for me to earn the money and then pay for it, so I'm thinking a loan from a grandparent. This will be rather hard considering they're already giving money for my current education and future education (college). I think I can do it though... Never underestimate the powers of being a grandchild. But on a more decided note I will be putting Flower-yam on hiatus for various reasons. The first being I don't being on the internet as much as I have been has been good for me. I've been pretty depressed recently. Or more moody recently I should say. Another reason being I've been finding myself trying to strive to be exactly like others. Competing with people mentally... Judging myself by other people, and that is something I don't want in my life right now. Third: I know about 2 maybe 3 people that actually read this and I don't think I'm really portraying what really needs to get down. This won't be permanent: I just need a breather. I'll still be online, but I'm going to be trying to do other things. That and school is starting and I doubt I would be able to keep this bugger updated. So, until later: or whenever- bye. In one ear- Out the Other: determinedUp? Down? All around!: determined In one ear- Out the Other: Taste of Spain (playing from the kitchen)Up? Down? All around!: Taste of Spain (playing from the kitchen) 3 accidently plucked yams | Pull a weed! ±Something new was scribbled on the 25th of August (2003) 03:03pm+ mmm: rice and feta *contemplates killing journal* *contemplates killing crappy computer* Well... this summer seems to have been a big joke. And, although I hate to admit it, this computer has been devouring much of my remaining hours. I'm dreading the beginning of school. And at the same time I realize I will be getting many more things accomplished. Anyone know on a foolproof way to improve one's vocabulary? Mine still seems to be suffering. I envy actors. Do you know how much easier it is to floss without braces? No, that wasn't completely random. I just brushed and (you guess it), flossed my teethsies. Cleaned my room last ni-... this morning. Amazing what a difference it makes. My feet are cold. I'm gonna go get socks. In one ear- Out the Other: blahUp? Down? All around!: blah In one ear- Out the Other: J-pop thingy... thanks EdUp? Down? All around!: J-pop thingy... thanks Ed Pull a weed!
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