sekhmet's fury's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
sekhmet's fury

[ userinfo | deadjournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | deadjournal calendar ]

weird day, to say the least [07 Sep 2003|05:03pm]
[ mood | curious ]
[ music | nothing but the replay of this in my head. ]

I received a phone call this morning and on the other end of the line was a frantic voice insisting i get in touch with a dead person. The caller was a live person, although i haven't a clue who it was. Anyway, the caller kept insisting i get in touch with this person named "_old Bear" and was trying to give me directions to the "burial ground". I was half asleep and trying to understand...kept askng why and who, you know, questioning the whole convo. Finally i said "let me get something so i can write this down." I woke up with the phone to my ear, digging through the night table by the bed saying, "this isn't right. Live peopl don't tell you to get in touch with dead people."

Now, if that's not strange enough...this afternoon a friend of mine and myself went to the grocery store. A small store about 30 minutes away that i've gone to many times before but, for some reason today, i missed the turn and took a different turn to get there. I noticed there were no ravens or live stock around or in the road, which for a Rez is unusal. Even mentioned it to my friend, who agreed and said he'd noticed the same thing.

We got to the store and weren't there 5 minutes when a Sioux indian approached my friend. Asked him if they'd met before. Which they hadn't. Then told my friend he (my friend) was indian. Well, he is 1/4 indian but you'd never know it to look at him. They had a brief convo before i walked up. When I walked up and the indian introduced himself as Running Bear. ( the name from the dream had come to me on the way to the store and it was Gold Bear...the gold bear. My friend later said the man's aura was gold!) he proceded to tell me why he was missing his arm, which college he'd gone to, he didn't go to Nam, his age and zodiac sign...among other stuff. He knew i was Gemini. He looked at me a couple times as if looking beyond and kept saying, "Everything's good." He even said "Gemini, ahh two faced." then laughed. It wasn't said as an insult but rather a private joke. ??? He kept coming back to the gemini thing...i don't have a clue why but maybe that will come later.

I just started telling him i dreamed of him this morning and told him part of the dream. He acted as if he already knew. He said that was how he and the woman he was with had met, in a dream.

This man knew alot but said little about it. the last time he touched my hand he "gave" me something. I blocked it within my hand until i got home then released it. It was good. No way can i even start to explain what it felt like. No fucking way.

Funny thing is, neither my friend or myself saw this man again, in this small store, after we had talked to him and departed ways. My friend saw the woman he was with but i didn't see either.

i have no fucking clue about this, but you can bet i'm going to look up Sioux as soon as i get through here.

This feels like a good thing to aid in the actions ahead of me. Hopefully we will meet again.

I think my friend's encounter, though maybe entwined with mine, was totally his experience. Therefore, i can only conclude this Sioux accomplished a double mission, if you will.

1 comment|post comment

And Things Continue... [02 Sep 2003|06:46pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Nina Simone ]

many things have happened in the short time since i last updated. i'll see if i can at least get a summary of the events here. actually i think they all happened yesterday.

around 1930 or 2000 i pulled off I40 at an exit and stopped the car. I was outside the car when i saw a 'being'. Maybe i should say i first smelled the smell of sulfa. he (and i'm sure it was a he but don't know how) was about 6-7 feet tall, dressed in a gray hooded robe. i couldn't see a face, only darkness within the hood. He had very thin hands and the fingers were gnarled and about 2-3 times longer than 'normal'. he was standing no more than 3 feet from me and reaching out to me. the appearance of this being was surprising to say the least. for a split second i thought someone had walked up on me, even though there was no sign of life around anywhere. when i realized what had happened, i used fire and blades and he faded away, only to reappear right in front of me even closer than before. he was still reaching for me. i repeated what had worked before and he faded away. when i got back in the car, the guy with me hadn't seen a thing...(i didn't say anything for about 5 minutes and then asked him about it.)

After we got home we were online trying to find out about what had happened...talking to people we knew and in chats. The more this was discussed the dizzier and fainter i felt until i finally went to bed. once in bed i was unable to move, exteme exhaustion had set in and i was weak and hurting physically.

i had dozed off when i was awakened by a knocking on the wall by the head of my bed. it sounded as if it were coming from outside. this happened 3 times and since i couldn't move i called for my friend. he came in and i told him what was going on and he brought things for protection to me.

i dozed off again and was awakened by DeeOGee (my new puppy) barking outside my window. i got up and she was barking at something at the gate. since i couldn't see, i got a flashlight and went outside. i looked around and there was nothing. i turned and started to bend over to pet DeeOGee when i felt hands grab my arms and i was thrown up against the gate. there was noone there. i got up and came inside and told T. about it. he checked and there was a mark on my back where i had hit the gate. needless to say, i was shaken and confused. he went outside and saw nothing.

He had been taking to some friends online about the occurance that had happened earlier and when he came back in and started chatting online, i started feeling really weird. i made him stop talking about it, not only to me but online.

it took about 2 hours for me to calm down enough to sleep. i slept with my dagger, sword, a special walking stick, sage, stones and sweetgrass beside my bed. couldn't sleep or even be in any room alone.

Sometimes i wonder if i'm really losing my mind.

well, the person responsible for the 'attacks' on me will prolly be suspended from work tomorrow for something that happened today (i wasn't there) i wonder if i'm ready for the backlash. i know i'm willing to do whatever i need to do and willing to take the backlash from it but obviously someone knows how to get to me. i never felt or saw a thing before either of these incidents. my shields can't hold it back totally and i am afraid for those that are involved in this to help me out.

Tomorrow is another day and i'll deal with whatever comes as best i can. Many Thanks to those who care.

Em Hotep

post comment

the now [30 Aug 2003|07:30pm]
as usual, i haven't kept up with my journal. my friends, and i mean REAL friends, know what's going on but i thought i'd put this here so i can look back and learn from this experience.

i really don't know how long this has been going on but it started full force about 2-3 months ago. seems the Hopi tribe isn't all that friendly to us white people. for some reason i have had at least one medicine man attack that has continued for several months. first starting out rather mild and slowly progressing to the point of physical exhaustion, pain and the feeling of being drained totally.

i have pissed off my secretary by doing my job and basically putting her in her place. i never thought she would go to the extent she has for such a minor thing. even though i could have fired her, and wish now i had, i chose to try the approach of talking to her and trying to get things worked out. now i see that was a BIG mistake.

i have been sick, drained, unable to shield so that these people can't get to me. of course, being the hard head i am, i have tried to take care of this myself. but this is not the case any longer. i have talked to those who love me and they are all gathered to fight this with me. i was in the ER with chest pain thursday...the docs wanted to admit me and continue the cardiac work up but i signed out AMA. i know this is coming from the bitch. just the fact she showed up at the ER and grinned at me making a comment about me coming in through the back door, which is where they bring in the dead people at this hospital, i am now sure where this originates from her and willing to take any and all backlash that comes my way. that's right, i will stop at nothing to make her go away.

thanks you to my dearest friend. i have been so unfair to him by waiting until things get this far out of hand before talking to him about the whole thing. you know who you are my friend.

thanks to my other dearest friend who actually told him i was in bad shape and made me talk to him. M you are the greatest and i love you most.

Thanks to black. you have been the link to reality for me through this all. hehehe you are the best!

i have done my part and sent my mail and now will continue to work on my shields and guard against all animal totems. i'll do whatever is necessary to make the change.

today i slept until 6pm. it was a good sleep. thanks to those in this plane and the other who were responsible.

i know i am not able to do this without the help of the gods and goddesses. my faith has been deepened and maybe that's why i am here in this place, fighting this battle with those i love.

i do not fear death. i am willing to die if that's what it takes, for i am a warrior and have a warrior heart.

Em Hotep and Blessings to all.
post comment

things [04 Jun 2003|05:23pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Hopi music that i don't understand. hehe ]

i am OFF tomorrow and monday!!!!! after 2 13 day stretches with one day off in between. wooohooo

gonna be ppicking up a friend at the airport saturday after work. haven't seen him in almost a year. it's gonna be great!!
i finally have a "wife". hehe he will be good at it too. making sure i eat, sleep, check my blood sugar and take my meds. not to mention he WANTS to cook, clean and "take care of" me. woohooo of course we haven't decided how long he'll be staying out here in the middle of nowhere, but hey, any amount of time will be fantastic.

Dog is shedding like nothing i've ever seen!!! guess he's getting his summer hair cut. if anyone has a bald horse, i have enough hair to make the horse a wig. heh

still having the problems at work, but barely. there's only one guy that keeps up the chaos and nobody else is listening to him anymore. PLUS, one of his things was that i smoke. (i'd think if he dislikes me so much he's want me to smoke more and die) well, i finally found a way to take the power away from him on that one. now i tell the tribe, i'm smoking up to get rain. (their belief) and ask them how they like the thunderstorm i conjered up the other day. they are all laughing and telling me to smoke more. i tell them i'm trying to help them with their crops by bringing rain. LoL it's great!!

something to remember: if you win the rat race; you are still a rat.

Em Hotep

1 comment|post comment

this place sucks [23 May 2003|07:17pm]
[ mood | irate ]

The past few weeks have been really difficult. I realize i'm tired from working 6 days a week...plus a business meeting in vegas but right now i can't get the urge to transfer off this rez outta my mind. Seems when i first got here, several people were talking negative about me to the staff and patents. telling lies, actually. Now i'm faced with the decision of leaving this place OR staying somewhere where i will prolly never be excepted and the negativity will continue. Today a patient started talking to me about me. I smiled and said whatever, then when to my office and called my boss and told her i wanted this treated like a formal complaint against me by a patient. So, we decided that she would come here Friday May 30 and spend all day available to both the staff and patiets. I posted memos and handed the patients a letter stating that Mel would be there and any problems or concerns should be addressed to her at that time. Then i went back to the patient that started it and told her i had called my boss and issued a formal comlaint against me in her (the patient's) behalf and that my boss was coming and when. I strongly suggested that this patient be there and talk to Mel. The patient started saying she was just saying what all the other patients were saying...that white girl doesn't do anything, doesn't know anything and they didn't like me. LoL i told her that i didn't even want to hear it because the complaint was about me and therefore i couldn't do anything about it so she needed to talk to my boss about it. Then i walked off the treatment floor and stayed off the rest of the day. hehehe Let's see what it's like when the white girl doesn't help on the floor. The floor was well staffed without me and i had much paperwork and reports to take care of anyway.

My boss intends to tell the patients and staff what my job is and that i shouldn't be working the floor to begin with. Also, i suggested she tell them if they knew another nurse that would work there, that she would transfer me out. I'm really hoping for a transfer at this time. I'm tired of fighting the shit everyday. In reality, I have given and done more for this clinic and the staff and patients than i have ever done at any other job. Guess i just get tired of listening to the complaints, both about me and others. Seems this tribe consist of a lot of complainers but no one has a solution and they can't be happy with anything that i do. sooooo, i'm thinking i don't have to put up with this nor do i want to. As the only RN for this clinic, i have to be there 6 days a week, open til close. we're talking 11 - 16 hours a day. Hell, i can't even get to the grocery store and my "stash" of food is getting low. Not to mention, i work my ass off and then have to listen to people complain that i don't do anything...and if i don't know anything about what i'm doing, why is it the same people have to have me in the building and on the treatment floor even if it's staffed???? this is total bullshit!!!!

One thing i've learned is, i don't have to take verbal abuse from anyone. and now i'm at a point in my life that i am NOT going to take it.

Mel is very pleased with my job performance and said she didn't want to lose me. she even said that if the patients were that hateful she would tell them she was closing this clinic and they could all go back to Chinle and Tuba City. (both are over an hour awy.) that she would transfer me just about anywhere i wanted to go. well, that sounds good to me.

there are some staff that are supportive but that isn't enough right now. i'm totally burned out, mentally and physically exhausted. then comes the deal where the other Administrators in my region are refusing to help me or even let any of their staff come to help...even when the staff WANT to help me out. This is just entirely toooo immature and i am way past all of that shit. Mel told me today that the reason the other administrators had a problem with me was that my patient outcomes are way better than theirs. and i have turned a horrible unit into a safe and thoughful unit. well, duh, that's my job. and that's their job too.

i want out of patient care and more in the business side of this thing. and my mind is searching for what i need to do. of course that means i'm not sleeping again. but WTF.

gonna go for now and try to relieve some stress.

i was invited to come to a staff member's for a cookout tonight...not going and invited to a tribal ceramony Sunday...i'm not even wanting to go to that. maybe i should start looking for a place to move.

i'll wait on my decisioon until i've calmed down some. and to thing all of this and i am doing my job and some of the PCT's jobs to ease things for them as well as the charge nurse job. heh and i don't do anything. stupid individuals!

2 comments|post comment

and another thing... [12 May 2003|09:28pm]
[ mood | amused ]

i was almost hit by a rather large truck yesterday. I was walking and the driver didn't see me until...well, it stopped about 6 - 8 inches away from me. you know what's funny, or maybe not, i was pissed it didn't hit me. Not for the experience of being hit by a truck while walking, i've been hit before, but because i'm having a very hard time right now.

Then today i go to work, on my only day off and am forced to go to the dentist. (have had an abcessed tooth for close to 2 weeks now) But the tooth wasn't hurting...I stuck a needle in the gum and drained it once i found out there were no dentist that would see me for a month or not at all. Anyway, here i am at work and my boss and secretary gang up on me and force me to go to the the indian health dentist. NOW i hurt!!!! And i leave for Vegas tomorrow for a week. How fucked up is that?!?!?!? Maybe the truck wasn't a bad idea after all.

Anyway, i'm sure i'll be fine. After all, I always am.

just wanted to jot this down for future use...like getting back at the 2 that did this to me.

1 comment|post comment

what is this??? [12 May 2003|09:23pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Whispers and screams
Light and dark
Black and white
Sun and rain
Heat and cold
Dancing with grace in an unknown place
Stumbling without the motivation to stop.

See the puppets
See the child
Smiles and frowns
See the style.
Strings that bind
Strings that tie
Strings on everything
The price is high.

Corsets than bind her
Pillows to soften the blow
Clouds that hide her
When she doesn?t want to show
The emotions inside.
They are too painful to share with her guide.

Water that washes
Water that drowns
Water that comes
Pouring down.
Rain!
The soft and the hard showers of pain
This is too painful to share with her guide.

STOP the pain!

post comment

been a little busy lately [19 Apr 2003|11:59am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I've been kinda busy and haven't posted in a while. Let's see if i can update you on the past events.

I have received a letter of resignation from the one at work. She quit without securing a job...hehehe. At last i get what i seek in this situation. Thanks to the gods!!!!

Not much has been happening to me as of late, as far as this situation goes. There have been some "sightings" but no more than my usual share i guess. The air has changed to suit my desires...at least at work. ::grins:: All is calm and the bitch's last day is the 24th of this month. Now the downside is...I will have to work 6 days a week from open to close and work the floor as well as do my administrative duties. But when i think of this it doesn't seem a bad exchange for my sanity and the sanity of the other employees. LoL they are having a party for her...calling it the "we are celebrating because you're leaving" party. that cracks me up. hehehe

i only have to work with her one more day, as i will be out of town the first of the week. Going to New Mexico!!!! wooohooo

Since this is my "last weekend" off for awhile, i'm going to Cliff Castle and gamble till my heart's content tomorrow. This seems a fair trade to me. ::smiles::

There is one thing i'd like to address...maybe two. First, thanks to Curtis for all he's done to help me. You are truely a god and you're on the AOL search!!! LoL guess that makes you a god. :::shrug:::
Second, i know there are things happening to some i love. I just want you to know i'm aware of this, even though you haven't told me....yet. I am always here for you and i know you know that.

There They Were

There they were,
The momentary people.
The ones who laugh appropriately.
The ones who cry at will.
These are the clowns of life.

There they were,
The fake ones,
The petty ones,
The ones who suck your life.

Vampyres of a sort,
The suckers of your energy.
The ones who take your soul
And trade it in for their goal.

There they were,
The vampyres of the world.
The gathering of the century,
They?re for anyone to see.

The night draws to a close.
The takers, the leeches,
The ones who take your sanity,
Must take shelter in the coffin made for them alone.

There they were,
There they were,
They were there.
Whatever makes them think we don?t see their plan?

by me

1 comment|post comment

the air has changed.... [26 Mar 2003|06:02pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | ozzy ]

Things are changing, of this i'm sure, but i have no idea what's happening. Don't get me wrong, i'm as calm as i can ever remember being. As relaxed as i can ever remember. Don't know what is happening but i do know i'm ready for whatever it is.

Still seeing the images of the 'people' and they are somehow comforting. The only one that had even a slight air of contempt was the one i saw about a week ago. He hasn't been back since then.

The girls at work came to me today and were telling me how they were having trouble both at home and work...strange feelings, panic, to name a few. They asked if i could and would do something to help/protect them. I gave them both a stone that i had blessed and when i checked with them about 2 hours later, they said they were feeling alot better and the 'feelings' were gone. I don't know nor did i try to find out what, if anything, was causing this. Just want to mention they were working with 2 of the ones that are 'testing' me.

Back to the change...i'll continue to prepare and protect. Whatever is about to happen is close and that is good. I hate to wait...LoL

Pressure and pain are gone...at least for now. I will take advantage of this. Study is going on and there are many things becoming clear as i continue. Just not sure who, if anyone, to share this with...but since i told you i'd tell you everything (and you will know who you are after receiving this hehehe) i guess i'll send the link to you so you can keep informed of my madness. LoL

1 comment|post comment

Navajo Medicine man [19 Mar 2003|06:16pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Tori Amos ]

Well, today a Navajo Medicine man came to the clinic. He was asked to come by and talk to me by one of the PCTs that work there. We went into my office and he pulled out a large crystal and stared into it. Then he started talking. He said there were 5 people, both Navajo and Hopi, that were trying to run me out of there. He said there were "papers missing but they will come back. Some have already returned." He said these people would not be successful. Some will lie about me but i don't need to worry because i can tell what's going on before or as soon as it starts. This is annoying them all. the coyote and the glowing red eyes are a SkinWalker but it is the same person and they are not trying to curse me or kill me, just scare me away. this person has been either hired or is doing the others a favor. the Skinwalker knows i am not afraid and this will slow down and soon stop. The missing items will return. Things will get better in a few days. he warned me about some things that could happen but said he didn't think they would because these people had a somewhat small idea of my strength and were not prepared to battle with me.

after we were finished he talked to the PCT that had asked him to come and my secretary. He told them that as long as i was here they would be alright. I had the "gift" and was aware of what was going on and had the insight to know what new things were being tried before or as soon as they were started. He also told them that if i left, they would be defenseless because they took all of these things inside. they could not block them so they would be targets from these people because of their support for me. Also told them they were fortunate i was there for them and to use me as they needed. He said he had already "started working on the situation before" he got to the clinic today and it should be over soon.

I thought this very interesting. Some of the things he said, most actually, i had already "learned" in my search for answers. I believe this comes from the experience with the apache, my exposure to voodoo amoung other things that have happened in my life. I did NOT have him do a protection pray for/on me. he didn't even ask if i needed it. LoL this man can go to wither side, depending on what he wants to accomplish. This i'm very sure of.

So, for the sanity of my staff and respect for their traditions, i will continue my work and in some ways cooperate with this medicine man...meaning i will keep an eye on what he's doing and only interfer if it starts going wrong. i mangaged to get some of his hair without him knowing it and will connect to him using this.

all-in-all, this was a great day!! Well, except for the patient that died on the machine.

post comment

the day... [18 Mar 2003|04:48pm]
[ mood | curious ]
[ music | Type O Negative ]

It was a great day at work. Nothing happened and the Navajo Bitch was working. hmmmm Cleansing is a good thing.

Tomorrow, a Navajo man is suppose to come to the clinic and check it out. I'll be sure to re-enforce my shields. I will also be curious as to what he has to say. To see if it's anything like what i'm feeling. Will be interesting, to say the least.

post comment

hmmmmmm [18 Mar 2003|08:05am]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | Dylan...The Basement Tapes ]

Beth called this morning. She hasn't heard from the apache in awhile. Didn't seem to think that was the problem here. Sooooo, I guess I'm back to the original train of thought.

Cleansed and blessed my office yesterday and low and behold, two of the checklists showed up...in a place i've seached for them at least 20 times. Both were the originals. Go figure!

Also, I have done a protection ritual on myself. It went well and my insides are calm. Shields are intact and working. Bunker in waiting but i don't think i'll need that anytime soon.

No more weird events. Dreams, yes, but these were calming and reassuring.

Must go to work. Should be interesting to see the difference today. This could answer alot of questions flowing through my mind. =o)

post comment

change in forum [16 Mar 2003|11:50pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Norah Jones...."Come With Me" ]

i've given it some thought and i've decided to make this the place where i can record the strange events that are taking place in my life right now.

i've gotten a friend involved and he's trying to help sort this out. not sure if i'm just having this mental thing....i'm very under medicated right now and fighting to stay in touch with reality on a daily basis. the depression is sooo close and if it's anything like the last one, i'm not sure i'll pull out of it this time. so, is this really happening or am i just making it up, causing it to happen to myself? maybe by keeping track of things here, i'll be able to sort through it...with his help.

summary of the last few weeks....paperwork missing...i put something down for less than a minute and turn around and it's gone!!!! i've searched my office and it's nowhere to be found. i had a "dream" and woke up with physical injuries. i wanted to find the answers but i didn't intentionally go to the otherworld. although, that's where i was. i was not afraid...i reached out of my shields to try and touch this whatever and it took my wolf, raven, and warrior to help me get back and repair the shields. i don't rememeber what the whole thing was about but i do know there was major shield revision and i don't think i did it all. also, i saw the glowing red eyes again. this happened when i was being attacked by the apache. i'm not afraid of the whatever, but i am concerned that i might be crossing over the sanity line. i need to get to the doctor and get this under control before it gets me.

speaking of the doctor....no way can i tell him/her any of this. i'll have to be vague and try to get it across that i'm in bad mental shape. there are many stresses in my ife right now and i'm open to the chance this might be what's going on....but i don't really belive all of it is. i really feel as if i'm being attacked by someone and am pretty sure i know who but i've been wrong about where attacks are coming from before. also the eyes were outside when i was with Dog. Dog saw them and reacted. this can't be just my mind playing tricks on me....or can it?

just wanted to get some of this down. i'll try to sleep some before i have to work in a few hours. maybe i'll "dream" again and can pursue this further. i can only hope.

post comment

another day [16 Mar 2003|11:15am]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Ozzy...one of his suicide songs hehehe ]

i just spent all this time writing an entry and then it was lost. grrrrrr that's okay, i'll get over it.

Woke up wondering if i should go back east to see my g-dad. He's very sick and part of me says go while the other part says no. Things here are sooo hectic and i'm behind at work. We have made our peace and i know he loves me and, in spite of our past, i love him. I knew when i left to come out west this was going to happen and i thought i had made up my mind what i was going to do. The answers will come....this i am sure of. I just don't know when.

My one true love has IMed me again. Now this isn't right...he decided i was tooo good for him and yet he doesn't let me go? What's up with that??? I'm an emotional wreck when it comes to him. Not that i will ever get over him but, why can't he shit or get off the pot...so to speak. hehehe bad metaphor LoL

gotta go into town today...hate the drive in a way but it will be good to get out and think. I can do that much better when i am outside or behind the wheel. Need to clear my mind before tomorrow. Can't let anyone in there...to do so would only cause me grief.

Still pondering the happenings of last night. Wondering if the two that ganged up on me are withholding info i need to know. Wondering if they see something i need to see. Wondering why i had to do homework if "everthings okay" Wondering why there's nothing i need to be aware of "right now" See...i really do need my head cleared!!! LoL

Off to town i go!!!! after the shower that is. hehehe

post comment

starting with nothing muahahaha [16 Mar 2003|12:29am]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Norah Jones..."Don't Know Why" ]

SURPRISE!!!! now that i've deleted all my past journal entries, i can start again!!!! i was reading those horrid things and realized i am one sick indvidual!!!!!

Well, now i start again. Wait...i already did that a few months ago. hehehe Moved to the Hopi Rez and am getting back to things that need to be gotten back to. ::grins::

I have experienced joy and pain...i have found and lost...i have laughed and cried...and i'm still around to talk about it.

Life is good...many opportunities to improve!!!! those "secret ones" know me and know how i love to live. Free and doing what comes to me at the moment...well, that's about what's going on now.

Enough of the susie sunshine crap....

i've been doing some research lately, and some questions come to mind. Been reading about SkinWalkers and wondering if i have encountered them before now. i'm sure i've had these feelings before and i know exactly when they happened. Also have a great memory of the way i ended up....after the fact...and how long it took to recover from it. Not that i am saying i'm normal, because i'd rather die than be normal, just that some things are just toooooo familiar, and not necessarily in a good way. However, i have dealt with this before and am not afraid of dealing again. as a matter of fact, i have recently "gone out" and looked for answers...and as always with me, i have found some. some that make sense and some that don't. Talked with a couple of friends today...well, kinda...they actually got me. i felt gang banged and left in the dark. wondering what it is they are so worried about. but i did my homework and i'm just gonna wait to hear back.

The gods are watching and i have no fear or reason to be concerned. i've done all i can do for now and am prepared. i'll know when it's time.

post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]