BleedCyanide's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] BleedCyanide [ website | Niki's House of Shock and Damage ] [ userinfo | deadjournal userinfo ] [ calendar | deadjournal calendar ]

[29 Jul 2004|05:05am] What is your favorite.. gum: winterfresh restaurant: olive garden drink: strawberry milk season: autumn type of weather: cool and overcast or stormy. tied. emotion: content thing to do on a half day: get high and sleep late-night activity: cause trouble sport: baseball city: NYC store: vintage clothing stores When was the last time you.. cried: couple days ago played a sport: sand volleyball about a month ago laughed: today approx. 20 min ago hugged someone: yesterday kissed someone: yesterday felt depressed: always felt elated: hmm... felt overworked: this morning at work faked sick: its been awhile lied: sometime last week im sure What was the last.. word you said: thank you thing you ate: grilled chicken sandwich and chicken noodle soup song you listened to: something by Alice Cooper thing you drank: sprite and hi-c mix place you went to: the bathroom movie you saw: fight club movie you rented: the butterfly effect concert you attended: Reel Big Fish, Catch 22 and Lucky Boys Confusion Who was the last person you.. hugged: Chris cried over: Rick kissed: Chris danced with: wow... i have no idea shared a secret with: Kevin had a sleepover with: dont have sleepovers anymore called: Jenna went to a movie with: Kevin, Brittany and Joey saw: Fahrenheit 9/11 were angry with: Darlene couldn't take your eyes off of: Jason obsessed over: Rick Have you ever.. danced in the rain: yes kissed someone: yes done drugs: all the time drank alcohol: yes slept around: yes partied 'til the sun came up: yes had a movie marathon: yes, 2 days ago gone too far on a dare: no spun until you were immensely dizzy: yes taken a survey quite like this before: sort of The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK! post comment

...and now [29 Jul 2004|04:41am] [ mood | sleepy ] so now, the girl next door that chris lives with, Darlene, is threatening to kill me. hahaha. i love jealousy. gah. and i guess chris has a lot of interest in me, which is cool, cause i like him. i think me and jason will end up as friends. i still like him, but obviously from his end, unless he hides liking me, he just wants a friendship. which is fine... as long as i dont lose him as a friend, like i said before. so... i think things are strainghtening out. well, except for the cunt next door. heh, itll be funny if chris moves in here... which he is thinking about doing. 1 comment|post comment

D.R.A.M.A. [27 Jul 2004|03:01pm] [ mood | annoyed ] ok, so i still really like jason. we havent been hanging out a lot lately though. but, since im back on third shift, we see each other that way almost every night. but its def not the same. cause we cant let on that we have a history. but for some reason, i dont think hes interested in me anymore. and that sucks. and now, i have this neighbor chris. hes been living there for awhile, but me and him never really hung out. but last night, he came over and chilled for awhile. me, him and my roomies got pizza and wings and had a good time. then, ryan, jenna and kevin left to go buy a DVD and left me and chris here. so we talked, and hes really cool. we started watching a movie, then they came home, turned it off and started watching something else. (nice roomies i might add. heh) so me and chris went to his apt. next door to finish watching it. so, we ended up watching that, and then 2 other movies on top of it. and it was nice. we ended up holding hands and cuddling and he kissed me. it was sweet. then we fell asleep. so, hes been living with this girl that he used to date but isnt anymore. she just stays there cause she and her kids (not his) has nowhere else to go. so, she came home this morning when i was sleepin in the bed. fully clothed. nothin happened. well, when she found out i was there, she fuckin flipped out! she told chris 'either you get her out of here, or i will'. gah, i would have liked to see her try to get me out of there. i would have fucked her up. so, i got up and left. chris came over about 15 min later and toldme not to worry about her. which im not. but apparently, she grabbed a knife and was going to come over here to "talk" to me. who talks with a knife?? what a crazy, psycho bitch. just wait till i see her outside and let her say something to me... dammit, i hate fuckin drama! so yeah. thats the story thus far. i work tonight from 10p-4a and i work with jason i believe. and chris said he was gonna come visit me at work... this ought to be interesting. in other news, i guess brittany and joey are gonna move up here until she has her baby. cause it would be cheaper for them. im gonna try and get joey a job where i work. so hopefully, theyll take him. hes a good worker. and itd be cool towork with him. maybe theyll put him on third shift with me. eh... seems sketchy though. so yep. i think thats all. post comment

surprises [16 Jul 2004|04:29am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Against Me!~ Those Anarcho Punx are Mysterious ] so, i went out with jason to see his friends band. he got me high, got me tipsy at the bar,and brought me home. i went inside, he left. he called me later and came back over. he hung out with me and my roomies and watched a movie, then went to leave. we talked for a good half hour on the porch. then, he kissed me goodnight and left. it was such a sweet kiss too. so, we ended up hanging out again. we went to his friends house and partied a bit there. then he came back to my place, where we stayed up for hours talking about our intentions with each other. and basically, we came to this: we are attracted to each other and like each other. but hes not sure if hes ready for a relationship. i dont mind either way... i just dont wanna lose him as a friend. and if we start dating, then we have to keep it a secret from work... cause that could be bad if people found out. too much drama there. so, we decided to take it one day at a time, and whatever happens... happens. he stayed and left in the morning. we've been hanging out as much as possible... when our work schedules dont conflict. hes a great guy. hes sooooooo sweet. i mean, theres a bunch of stuff im not even writing in here pertaining to him. but i definitiely want to get to know him better. i like him a lot. and with all good news comes the bad. i think IS for sure moving here. i think... still not sure. but everyone else thinks so. this is gonna be bad. if im with jason... and rick moves here... i dont even want to think about it. post comment

work relationships [06 Jul 2004|06:29pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Sublime ] ok, so i know havin 'ships with someone you work with is kinda... dumb. so why do you get yourself into these situations, niki? good question. i met this guy at work, Jay. seems cool... we have a lot in common. and he offered to do some meth with me one night. so, i accepted. we hung out, partied, then went back to his place. we ended up, you know, even though i knida didnt want to. but when youre already in that situation, and not feeling threatened, who's gonna say no for the sake of morals? well, not me at least. then, afterwards, it was like... ok, thats over. i'll take her home now. and when i call him, all he cares about is if i can get him some meth. askdljlasl. but there is this guy at work i think is really rad. his name is jason. but jason is friends with jay. so, that may pose a problem. jason does meth, too, which is awesome. and jason asked me to go out with him tonight to a show. his friends band is playing. so, i said yes. but now im wondering if he asked me out because A)we're kinda friends and he wants to hang out, B)he wants sex, too or C)he has some kind of interest in me. A or C would be fine... but not B. i dont know if jay mentioned anything to him or not about me... he didnt act like he knew. but what if jason becomes interested. and he happens to tell jay. and jay is like, "dude, i fucked her. shes a slut." god dammit. why must i be so complicated? why are guys the way they are? and why do i overthink and overanalyze things? why cant i be normal, and not care? sdaldlaha.... and thus is the story of my life. post comment

fuckin... rick... stupid... fuck... [23 Jun 2004|08:14am] [ mood | confused ] so, it was ryans bday party here at the house this past weekend (seeing as how i moved back to akron... its now, 'the house'). anyhoo... so it was his 21st, and his friends from cincy came up to chill. among them were kevin, mike, amy and alas... rick. so i thought all would be cool, wed hang out and be friends, and no hurt feelings when he left on sunday. yeah... way wrong. so, of course, he started flirting with me on friday... and i can never resisit him becuase i am so in love with him. we cuddled and made out on the porch, then moved things inside. yeah... so anyways, he was still being lovey on saturday, until he pissed me off right before we went to sleep. then sunday comes, and he leaves. he always leaves. and that kills me. and i know he couldnt stay, cause he had to work monday, and even if he didnt have a job, hes on probation until august and has to stay there. so that blows. but, he said hes "really, honestly considering moving up here" in august, when hes off probation. should i get my hopes up?? hmm... he confuses me so much. but i know what will happen. august will come, hell get off probation, and then hell decide to move somewhere else... or stay in cincy... or say itll never work with him up here because he has so much to accomplish and being here will only interfere. ive heard it all before. but why must everytime he sees me, he has to flirt and love and lead me on. i know he knows i love him... and if somehow he cant see that, then hes really blind. even jenna told me today that anyone could tell i was in love with him by the way i look at him... well, she said something to that effect. but shes right. man, i hope he doesnt put me through any shit anymore. and if he does move here, and by 'here' i mean in THIS house, i hope we can be together. because if we arent and he starts seeing someone else and bringing her around... i might just slit my throat. post comment

moving... again [08 Apr 2004|01:28am] [ mood | confused ] so, my brother told me a couple weeks ago that hes looking to buy a house, and when he does, i have to move. si im thinkin, no problem, itll take awhile before he gets one. wrong. he got a call last night saying that the house he put a bid on went through and its his. so, i have to start looking for a place, which sucks balls cause i dont have the money to move right now. basically, i have no earlier than may 31st and no later than june 20th to get my own place, or find someone to move in with. here are my options: 1) find a place of my own... preferably no more than 325 a month 2) rick said i can move in with him, but that wont be until late august, when he gets a different apt and i get back from ozzfest 3) move to SC with my friend marie, who already lives there, and pay 550 a month to live on the beach... but that wont be till beginning of sept. 4) crash with this girl from work until i go to ozzfest, then find a place or do one of the options above for residence. 5) move back to akron into my old house 6) hope i can get into the culinary institute in pittsburgh, and get an apt. there so, ill need a place to stay until i leave for the tour... throw all my shit into storage, and make sure i have a place set up for me when i get back, so i wont have to sleep in the storage room with all my stuff. damn, i dont know what to do. i dont think i can get into my school... SC is looking kinda nice, but then id be leaving all my friends behind and thatd suck bad. and its a hell of a drive. akron... eh... i dont know. the rick thing... haha, well see how un-akward thatd be... although it might be cause i think i can get past it all. but still, thats in cincinnati. or my own place, which would rock out... but could i really afford living by myself. gah! i hate moving!!! post comment

horror conventions rock [04 Apr 2004|09:22pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | Against Me!- Scream Until You're Coughing up Blood ] so on saturday, me, kristoff, spooky, and some others went to the horror convention in strongsville. it was amazing. i met ed and damien, the creators of living dead dolls. the have me on camera saying something along the lines of "i worship you guys. i spend so much money buying living dead dolls... you guys are the sole reason i wanted to come out today." they said "awww" and laughed and smiled and thanked me. they rocked. i also had spaulding from "house of 1000 corpses" sign a corpses poster for me. it says "Niki. quit doing the asshole shuffle and make a choice." hehe. he rocked too. i met a bunch of intersting people, because i was passing out stickers for kristoffs site and band, www.satanlovesyou.com and snuff-film.com respectively. i also handed out postcards for spookygirls.com, that was fun. i met the guys from Toe Tag Productions, who do B-flick horror movies and special effects shit. they were cool as fuck. in fact, they are going to be collaborating with kristoff on a new porn site, something along the lines of girls gone dead. so that should be rather interesting. all in all, i had a kick ass weekend. visited jenna as well this weekend. we just hung out, watched "the beyond", who i would recomend to everyone! Lucio Fulci is a god. and we went shopping today... i stole some things. it was fun. and now im home, bored, hungry, and have to pee. hmmm, i should do something about all of that. post comment

[26 Mar 2004|05:21pm] k, i guess sean doesnt want to talk... hes going to bed. post comment

why god... why me?? [26 Mar 2004|05:13pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Finch- What it is to Burn ] k, i think i really need to be on meds. i was all good and dandy today at work, until it hit about 3:00. then i felt like shit... as in the knives i was playing with looked really tempting. what the fuck is my problem? can anybody answer that? anyone... yeah, didn't think so. kristoff was supposed to come down this weekend... well, tonight actually. but he cancelled due to meetings... or something work related. whatever. i fuckin give up trying. and to top it all off, brittany, my "best friend" would rather be stuck up her boyfriends ass than spend any time with me at all. i call her and she says shell call me back. i wait. it never happens. so whatever... i give up on that too. my brother is right... i need to get as far away from here as possible. on a lighter note, sean just got on. maybe i can talk to him about all this. post comment

asldkfjs [25 Mar 2004|06:28pm] [ mood | naughty ] so, my computer has been rather fucked up lately... but after 2 hours of talking to 4 different people, its all fixed and im back online. st. patricks day was fun. i bought a 6 pack of killians... only drank one. i smoked the rest of the day. was a good time. i went to akron on the 19th. Kristoff came down to see me... which was surprising, seeing as how we can never hang out for one reason or another. but he did, and it was fun. at least i had fun. got drunk... got silly... found a spare bedroom... yeah. hung out with him on saturday as well... didnt do much. got some food, watched tv *yawn* and then went to a mall. he left, i watched more tv. sunday, i went to see the movie "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". overall, it was good. made me very depressed, as i wished afterwards that there really was a place that could erase part of your memory. damn you rick. then, i smoked a lot... got ryan stoned, which is an accomplishment, and went home early monday morning. the rest of the week consisted of: work. sleep. work, work again. sleep. etc. 1 comment|post comment

oddities [15 Mar 2004|12:15am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Kill Hannah- Welcome to Chicago, Motherfucker ] DraconicOrder9: hey...did you know that like 16 clowns can fit in the back of a PT Cruiser DraconicOrder9: and 56 can fit in a PT cruiser if they are fed through a wood chipper first post comment

finally [14 Mar 2004|12:03am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Against Me!- Impact ] so, i got my first tattoo today. of an ankh on the back of my neck. its so beautiful!! ha, anyhow, i like it. and i got a deal... only 45 bucks cause my tattooist knew the girl that brought me there. thank jebus for connections. then, after we leave the tattoo shop, (Hooligans in Kent), we go to melissa's brothers old house to pick stuff up... end up getting the car stuck in the mud for 40 min until someone came and pulled us out. that sucked balls. THEN we go to the gas station for the obvious and melissa and joey needed cigs. and they refused to sell them to joey cause they said they wanted all the IDs of everyone in the car. which is bullshit, cause joey was buying them, and hes 19. so he bitched a fit, and sent melissa in. she caused such a scene that some other guy had to ring her out cause the one lady wouldnt. fuckin asshole morons. so, after all that, i ended up going to work 2 hours late. which sucked, but at the same time, wasnt all that bad. we werent really busy, so it was cool just hanging out. and such was my day. post comment

fuck yeah [08 Mar 2004|04:01am] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | Pink Floyd- Comfortably Numb ] check this picture out: http://www.g7welcomingcommittee.com/propagandhi/ post comment

[08 Mar 2004|02:32am] [ mood | irritated ] [ music | Pink Floyd- Hey You ] so Against Me! is coming to cleveland in april. april 20th actually, heh. this rocks... maybe ill actually get to the concert on time and get to see em play more than 2 1/2 songs. wouldnt that be great. shit! i just now remembered that i forgot to count the safe before i left work today. fuck! ill probably get written up for this. god dammit... this sucks. ive never been written up before... and our store has been having recent problems with money shortages. christ niki, what else can you do wrong. on a side note... dont rent 'mona lisa smile'. the movie was good in concept, but it was way too long and kinda boring. and kirsten dunst... hated her before, but now i wanna stab her to death. so... 2 out of 4 stars on this movie. hmmm, second movie i have rated so far... lets try not to make a habit of this. im already a music critic- i dont need to be a move critic as well. so i have to work at the gallery tomorrow by myself from 11-6. thats gonna blow chinese schlong. now i cant sleep in. damn. post comment

heh [07 Mar 2004|03:26am] [ music | Goldfinger- Bro ] Oh My Aching Gut: arr Talena13666: sup? Oh My Aching Gut: your font is way too goth for me Oh My Aching Gut: i can't read it at ALL post comment

[07 Mar 2004|03:02am] [ mood | sleepy ] so 'prey for rock and roll' turned out to be pretty good. id say... 3 out of 4 stars. id even go as far to say that everyone should rent it when it comes out on video tuesday. ah, the perks of working at a movie store... free movies before they even hit the shelves. and now, i need my rest. post comment

boredom [06 Mar 2004|11:39pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Hot Hot Heat ] im so bored right now. worked from 5-7, then sat around work and hung out til 11 when everyone else left. yep... no life. but, my biggest task to do today was lock the new porn movies. and some looked kinda interesting... yeah... well, about to go watch a movie. 'prey for rock and roll.' we'll see how that turns out. post comment

woo [05 Mar 2004|04:42pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Big D and the Kids Table- Fatman ] well, out of depression. i guess it took seeing brittany and joey and 'tina'. heh. anyhow, im feelinf great now... in case anyone at all cared. today is such an awesome day. warm... i love it. in fact, as soon as i got home from work, i put on some ska. i can only really listen to ska when its warm. well, about to go out and have fun with brittany, joey, john and maybe 'connie'. later! post comment

hidden surprises [04 Mar 2004|12:33am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Against Me!- We Laugh at Danger (and break all the rules) ] so i was going through programs on my computer today and getting rid of shit to clear up some space on my hardrive, and i found files from morpheus, which i thought i deleted a long ass time ago. so i look through them and found all kinds of videos i once had downloaded, which, to my surprise, still were there and played. it was like christmas morning, without all the bullshit religion involved. watched a horid movie tonight. 'the doom generation'. never again.... oh, and the conversations i have with people... Talena13666: i miss you Turn It UP 77: miss u 2 Talena13666: :-) Talena13666: howve you been Turn It UP 77: aight Turn It UP 77: i want to see u naked Talena13666: haha, what? Turn It UP 77: sorry, too blunt? still wanna slit my wrists and watch the blood flow all over my body until i get dizzy and pass out and never come back. hmm, too much?? post comment

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